


Symphony

by BeeAnka



Series: Sing Me A Song Of Despair [19]
Category: Dangan Ronpa - All Media Types, Dangan Ronpa: Trigger Happy Havoc
Genre: Angst, F/F, Friendship, Romantic Fluff, Violence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-18
Updated: 2018-06-09
Packaged: 2019-04-03 21:56:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 64,194
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14005659
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BeeAnka/pseuds/BeeAnka
Summary: Sayaka has less than six months to spend time with Mukuro until they need to speak to each other about their pasts, time she fully intends to spend on making her beloved feel as happy as she deserves to be.





	1. July

**Author's Note:**

> My gf drew the cutest Sayaka of all time: https://inacron.tumblr.com/post/171979517256 (please look at the cat... it's so cute)
> 
> I had a really nasty case of writer's block during this week, but I'm glad I overcame it in time to post this!
> 
> I might take two weeks for the next one too, but I can't say for certain. I can say that I won't take any longer than two weeks at least though. I'm writing on other stuff too, like side stories and future chapters in the main story. Which is impossible to avoid even if I want to, because once I got an idea stuck in my head I need to write it out! Else it won't stop bothering me... or I'll forget about it!
> 
> Anyway, enjoy today's Ikuzono! Despite the writer's block, I had a blast writing it once I actually did.

 

* * *

 

 **Mukuro:** I'm almost there. Is it the same room as last time?

 **Sayaka:** yeah! lets show the kitchen whos boss this time. by which i mean cooking something nice and not setting it on fire! :)

 **Mukuro:** I apologized for that.

 **Sayaka:** just teasing you. fyi, i made avocado toast in advance! i believe in you! :D see you in a bit  <3

Giggling, Sayaka puts her phone into her breast pocket next to Pinky. Honestly, Mukuro's known her long enough to know better than to think she wouldn't get teased over something like this again and again. That's just how being friends with Maizono Sayaka works.

Who doesn't know that water is needed to prepare rice? Sayaka is still kind of in disbelief over how Mukuro just put rice in a pot and cranked up the heat without adding anything else back when they'd first tried cooking together. Aoi had certainly found it funny, at least.

After looking the kitchen over to see if everything is prepped, Sayaka nods in satisfaction and returns to the studio's relaxation room. Today is going to be fun, she's sure.

Still...

As much as she's pumped for their second cooking lesson, she can't help but feel saddened by today's date: the 23rd of July.

Tomorrow, Mukuro and Junko will hop on a plane, fly to Europe, and stay there for over a month. Sayaka knows she shouldn't be selfish, but she really wants to spend more time with her beloved. Ever since that day she spoke to Mukuro after the race with Aoi and Oogami, the two of them have been spending more time together than ever before. The start of the summer holidays probably helped with that, but still.

At first, Sayaka thought she'd said something wrong during that conversation... but on the day after it, Mukuro acted like everything was alright. More than that, her beloved seemed a lot happier than before. It really felt like Mukuro had gotten some kind of epiphany and finally dropped a lot of her reservations.

Maybe Mukuro didn't need her help and just had to think on her own for a while?

Either way, Sayaka couldn't be happier with this development. Sharing happiness with Mukuro, only to see her beloved succumb to guilt immediately afterwards... it was always terrible to watch, but Mukuro seemed to have realized that it's alright. That it's okay for the two of them to be happy together and forget about their pasts for the time being.

Sayaka smiles to herself.

After Mukuro and Junko are back from Europe, they'll still have plenty of time together until December. And beyond that as well, maybe? Sayaka has been feeling kinda optimistic about the whole thing concerning their pasts lately... but she's probably gonna change her mind about it the closer they are to December. She's been so focused on trying to make Mukuro feel better about this whole thing, that she kind of stopped to consider her own past.

What Mukuro would think of her, once Sayaka tells her the truth. Why they started talking to begin with...

She wasn't wrong to convince Mukuro to be selfish. There's nothing wrong with enjoying each other's company for the time being, is there? Although... looking back on it...

Wasn't she kind of manipulating Mukuro? It's true that her main concern was her beloved's feelings, but when she considers that Mukuro might not want to talk anymore after knowing about the truth...

No, no, no. She wasn't trying to manipulate Mukuro at all. She really _was_ just worried!

This was for Mukuro's benefit, not her own. She wasn't thinking about herself at all!

... Was she?

Sayaka can feel her smile turning into a grimace.

Yes, she was. She _was_.

Either way, there is no point in thinking about this now. Best to enjoy the time they have without worrying too much. After all, she wants Mukuro to have fun today. There's no place for any distracting thoughts.

Sayaka enters the relaxation room right when **Monochrome Answer** begins playing, wondering if they're all vain for listening to their own songs in the background. She snorts softly when she sees that the four girls on the table in the middle of the room are still playing Scrabble.

"Are you _kidding_ me?" Yukari asks in disbelief as Sayaka closes the door. "You're making the damn words up at this point, aren't you? 'Sternutate'? What the hell does that mean?"

"I-It's the medical term for sneezing." Mikan answers. At this point, she's more or less used to Yukari, which is why she barely stutters around her anymore. Sayaka is pretty amazed at the progress.

"Mikan-san is right. It is." Nana agrees. She's always chipper when she's playing a game, whether she's winning or losing, though most of the time she's winning. Unlike Yukari, Nana is pretty good at board games, especially the ones that require actual strategy and intelligence instead of just luck.

"Mikan-chan is even worse than Nana at this game." Satomi complains, probably in last place. She isn't very good at any board games -- even worse than Yukari. "That's probably why Ayaka didn't want to play."

"Told you." Ayaka, who's about on Sayaka's own level -- which happens to be average -- when it comes to board games, mutters from the nearby couch, eyebrows furrowed in concentration as she's reading the newest chapter of that horror manga she's been interested in lately.

Sayaka sits down next to her. "How can you read next to that?" She asks, gesturing towards the table.

"Same way I read when someone's trying to talk to me." Ayaka retorts.

"Rude." Sayaka pouts. That's what she gets for trying to come between Ayaka and her morbid horror manga. She'd almost be offended if she didn't know that was just part of Ayaka's sense of humor. She leans in to look at the current panel her friend is on. "Wow, that guy getting torn apart kinda looks like Sonou-san, doesn't he?"

"He sure does." Ayaka says, sporting one of her rare genuine smiles.

"What? 'Veisalgia'?" Yukari suddenly bellows. "Are you messing with me right now, Nana?"

"It's the medical term for having a hangover." Nana explains happily.

"W-Way to go, Nana-san." Mikan compliments.

"Thank you, Mikan-san!"

"You two are disgusting." Yukari mutters. "Hey, can you combine 'go screw yourself' into one word? Like... goscrewyourself? Does that count?"

"But you don't have that many letters, Yuka." Satomi says.

"Shut the hell up, Sato."

"Only one way to make me!" Satomi purses her lips, making kissy noises towards Yukari, who merely sighs in annoyance.

"Who's winning?" Sayaka asks, both because she wants to know and because she wants to prevent Yukari from pushing the game board off the table. It only happened once and Yukari was terribly embarrassed about it, but it's best to be sure.

"Not Yuka or me!" Satomi informs her cheerfully. That's the beauty of her energetic friend -- she never cares when she loses, no matter how pathetically. "Mikan-chan is just a little bit ahead of Nana."

"I-I got really lucky with the letters..." Mikan says, just as humble as Sayaka knows her to be. It's no surprise. She didn't imagine Mikan as someone who would gloat, unlike herself.

"You're just really smart, Mikan-san!" Nana praises. "Really, I'm glad I can finally play against someone who's a challenge!"

"Ehehe... you're lying..." Despite her words, Mikan looks delighted at the compliment.

Yukari makes gagging noises.

"Hey, what's that mean? We're not a challenge, Nana?" Satomi asks.

"Well... no." Nana answers after some reluctance.

Satomi shrugs. "Okay, that's fair."

Sayaka huffs. Someone _has_ to be offended by Nana's remark, so it might as well be her. "I'm not that bad at Scrabble, Nana. I've even won once or twice."

"... Because Yukari told me I wasn't allowed to play those times." Nana points out.

"You got me there." Sayaka concedes. "Well, at least I'm still good at Connect Four."

Yukari snorts. "Yeah, being good at what boils down to advanced tic tac toe is totally something to be proud of."

Sayaka smiles brightly at her. "I see you're still mad about that winning streak a few weeks back, Yukari. Remind me, how many times in a row did I Connect Four your butt? Ten?"

"I'll connect my foot to _your_ butt if you bring that up again."

"Ohh, are we about to witness a catfight?" Satomi asks, clapping her hands together.

"Shut up, Satomi/Sato." Both Sayaka and Yukari tell her automatically.

"U-Um!" Mikan suddenly blurts out. "Even if you aren't winning, you still have a lot of- of points, Yukari-san. Please don't be u-upset with Sayaka-san..."

Yukari rolls her eyes, but in a more good-natured way than usually. "I'm not really upset, Mikan-san. Sayaka and I always bicker like that. You really should know that by now."

"It's how they flirt." Ayaka mentions.

"You stay out of this." Yukari orders, muttering something that sounds like 'you traitor abandonded me' under her breath. When Sayaka giggles, Yukari flips her off.

"You get used to their arguing, Mikan-san." Nana assures the still nervous nurse.

"We may bicker, but we love each other!" Sayaka says. She grins at Yukari. "Right?"

"I guess _someone_ has to." Ayaka says. Sayaka wonders if she should tease her for recycling that joke too many times.

"Screw you, Ayaka. Anyway, I only love two things: myself and iced coffee." Yukari declares.

"And me!" Satomi adds.

"Shut up, Sato."

"You know you do!"

Nana giggles, Mikan joining her after a moment. Sayaka is glad her shy friend has gotten comfortable enough at the studio to laugh with her bandmates like this. The first two days were kind of a nightmare... she could tell Yukari had almost lost her patience with Mikan's insecurities and stuttering a couple of times. Luckily, there actually is a heart beating somewhere in that abrasive girl's body, so she's shown a remarkable -- at least for her -- amount of patience so far. It also helps that Nana and Satomi, saints that they are, always jump in to help Mikan out when she's struggling with something. Ayaka too, surprisingly enough, though expectantly not as much.

"Anyway," Yukari says, giving Sayaka a look. "Is your girlfriend gonna show anytime soon? She can join us getting our asses kicked by the health nut duo."

"Mukuro and I are gonna continue our cooking lesson, actually." Sayaka answers, unable to stop the faint blush from growing on her cheeks. "And we aren't girlfriends! Geez, stop saying that..."

Yukari shrugs. "You might as well be. Please don't let her do whatever she did last time. The kitchen smelled for _hours_."

"Why do we even have a kitchen at the studio? Can anyone here even cook?" Satomi asks out loud. Sayaka opens her mouth. "Except Sayaka!" Ayaka opens her mouth. "Except just dumping rice in a rice cooker!" Mikan slowly raises her hand, probably because she's too scared to open her mouth. "Oh, Mikan-chan? You can cook?"

"Some really simple things." Mikan replies bashfully. "I'm better at making salads..."

"We've all had some of her salads," Sayaka says. "They're the most amazing thing ever!"

"You're exaggerating, S-Sayaka-san..." Mikan argues weakly.

"If anything, I'm not exaggerating enough!" Sayaka fires back.

"Sayaka's right for once. We should make you stay here permanently, Mikan-san." Yukari muses out loud. Considering she's praising Mikan, Sayaka decides not to make her regret that first comment. "Someone who has medical knowlege and can cook too? We should hire you as an assistant, really."

"Th-Thank you, Yukari-san." Mikan replies, twiddling her thumbs together bashfully.

"... I have medical knowledge too." Nana pipes up in that meek, vaguely annoyed way of hers.

"Let me correct myself. Someone who has medical knowledge and also doesn't shove a thermostat into anyone's face when they cough even once."

"That's not true, Yukari! I make it a point to only do that when I hear someone cough three times within at least three hours. You know that!"

"There is no-nothing wrong with being careful." Mikan supports Nana.

"Thank you, Mikan-san."

Sayaka smiles fondly. These two are always so cute with each other. She wonders if she should encourage them to be more than just friends.

"You two are made for each other." Satomi echoes her thoughts, looking at both Mikan and Nana with a dreamy expression.

"Geez Satomi, don't say stuff like that..." Nana mutters, blushing and pointedly averting eye contact with Mikan, who does basically the same thing except with a face that's way more red than Nana's.

"You need to stop pairing up real people, Satomi. It's kind of weird." Ayaka admonishes, sounding about as concerned as a neglectful parent making an apathetic attempt to keep their child from knocking over a display rack in a store that's about to close in five minutes.

"It is pretty weird." Sayaka reinforces Ayaka's statement, fully aware of how hypocritical she's being. Well, at least she never says her thoughts out loud.

"It's not weird!" Satomi defends herself. "I can smell when love is in the air!"

"Are you sure you didn't just fart?" Yukari quips.

Sayaka snorts with laughter, feeling very childish. Watching Ayaka trying her hardest to keep her straight face -- presumably she doesn't want to give Yukari the satisfaction of knowing she's made her laugh -- just makes her laugh harder, and she's soon joined by Nana. Mikan is covering her lips with her hands to conceal a smile, probably to prevent herself from potentially offending Satomi.

"You're all so immature!" Satomi complains, but can't help but giggle as well.

Yukari is quick to retort. "You're the most immature person in this room, Sato. And probably the whole building too."

"Shut up, Yuka!"

"You still watch Hana Kappa."

"It's a good show!"

"Yeah, maybe if you're eight years old."

"Hana Kappa _is_ a good show." Sayaka argues. She feels she's obligated to defend one of her favorite tv shows from back when she was a child.

Before Yukari can respond, undoubtedly with something mean, there's a knock on the door. Sayaka immediately gets up and moves to open it.

"Oh, is that Ikusaba-san?" Nana asks.

Yukari snorts. "Who else would it be? You think Mister Stick Up The Ass is here to play Scrabble with us?"

"Playing against Sonou-san might be interesting..."

Sayaka snorts, much like Yukari. 'Interesting' is the most charitable way anyone could ever put that. Nana is too nice. She opens the door. "Good afternoon, Mukuro! You're a bit late."

Mukuro smiles apologetically at the playful chiding she's received. "I'm sorry, Sayaka. Junko-chan was a bit conflicted when it came to my clothes today."

"Sounds like her!" Sayaka looks Mukuro over, who's wearing her usual black jeans and black shoes. Her black t-shirt, on the other hand, has the words 'Killer Queen' written on it in crimson red letters. Sayaka can feel her brows raising. "Wow... that's different! Looks cool on you though!"

"You look nice as well." Mukuro responds, looking a little embarrassed -- presumably because of her t-shirt.

"You'd say that if I wore rags too." Sayaka teases. She's probably dressed less fashionably than Mukuro for once, actually. Considering her holidays so far have just consisted of spending it in the studio practicing for the new album Euphony Star is supposed to release during the summer holidays instead of making any public appearances, both her bandmates and her dress more comfortably than they would otherwise. Still, they all have to update their social media daily, so they can't just wear whatever either.

"It's because you're pretty no matter what." Mukuro mumbles.

Sayaka can feel her face flush. "Geez..."

"You two are sickening." Yukari comments.

"They're adorable!" Satomi argues. "Hey, Ikusaba-san! Come over and watch Yuka and me get demolished at Scrabble!"

"Shut up, Sato." Yukari grumbles.

Rolling her eyes at her friends' behavior, Sayaka beckons Mukuro inside right when **Monochrome Answer** ends and **Wish Ensemble** starts playing. She wonders if it's still Mukuro's favorite out of Euphony Star's songs.

After exchanging greetings with everyone, Mukuro looks at the board with a thoughtful expression. "I take Mikan-san is winning?" She asks.

"Nana-san is really close." Mikan says.

"I am, but Mikan-san is still winning. She knows medical terms that even I don't know. It's amazing!" Nana praises.

"Y-You're too kind to me, Nana-san..."

"Are there a lot of military terms you'd know, Ikusaba-san?" Yukari asks.

"There are some, yes. I mostly know foreign words though." Mukuro answers.

Yukari smirks. "I wonder if you could think of something with the letters I have here? I'm curious."

"That's cheating!" Satomi yells.

"Cheating?" Yukari gives her a look of pure innocence, which just makes it more obvious she's anything but. "I just want to know more about Ikusaba-san. She's Sayaka's girlfriend, you know?"

"Yukari!" Sayaka squeaks.

Mukuro, apparently more composed than her, opts to ignore the comment, frowning as she looks over Yukari's letters. Sayaka is pretty sure she can see a faint blush on her cheeks, but she might be imagining it. "Well," she says. "You can spell 'gun' with your letters."

"Really? 'Gun'?" Yukari asks flatly. "That's the best you can come up with?"

"Do you have an 's', Yukari? You could write 'guns' instead." Sayaka says, her tone laced with fake sweetness.

"Don't help her cheat!" Satomi chastises.

"You think _that's_ gonna help me?!" Yukari snaps.

"You also needed help to write 'gun'!"

"No, I didn't! I'm not writing that anyway!" Yukari looks her letters over. "Actually, you know what? Screw it, I'm just gonna write 'gun' after all."

"I knew it!" Satomi pouts. "That's so unfair. Now I'm last place again. Hey, Ikusaba-san! Can you help me out too? It's only fair. Right, Yuka?"

"Yeah, sure. Good luck with the three letter word you're getting." Yukari says, scoffing. "Do you mind, Nana? Or you, Mikan-san?"

"I-I don't mind." Mikan replies.

"I don't mind either. It's not like Satomi or you can catch up to us anyhow." Nana says, no trace of gloating in her voice despite the words.

"Funny how you ask that only after you've asked Ikusaba-san for help already, Yuka!" Satomi comments.

Yukari flips her off in response, causing Satomi to pout.

After going over to Satomi's seat and looking at the letters, however, Mukuro comes up with something longer than for Yukari. "Anymouse." She states.

"Huh? Don't you mean 'anonymous'?" Satomi asks.

"No," Mukuro says. "Anymouse. It's what the USN calls a lockbox where crewmembers can put anonymous messages into."

"Are you _kidding_ me?" Yukari spits the word out with such venom that Sayaka is almost concerned she'll jump Mukuro. "'Anymouse'? That has to be a joke."

"Nope, not a joke." Ayaka pipes up from the couch, holding up her smartphone. "Googled it. Ikusaba-san's right."

"Wow," Sayaka says, raising one of her brows at her friend. "You sure were ready for that."

"Anything to ruin Yukari's day." Ayaka replies.

"I'll ruin your face in a second." Yukari warns.

Ayaka shrugs. "Big deal. I'm already the ugliest out of all of us. That's why they stick me in the corner."

Yukari rolls her eyes. "You're not ugly. You literally can't be -- otherwise you wouldn't get to be an idol."

"Yeah." Satomi nods her head. "They stick me in the corner too. And I'm probably the prettiest of us all!"

"... I think Sayaka won the vote on prettiest member, Satomi," Nana says carefully. "But you're really pretty too. All of you are. You're incredibly pretty, Ayaka!" She says with an unusual amount of conviction. "Right, Mikan-san?!"

"Y-Yes!" Mikan squeals her answer, sounding as though she's five seconds away from wailing. Well, she may have made a lot of progress in the last two months, but there's still stuff to work on.

"... God, you're all mushy. I didn't say I was _ugly_ , just the _ugliest_." Ayaka points out dryly. "Thanks though, I guess."

"I didn't join in, because I knew you'd hate it." Sayaka says, giving Ayaka a wink.

"I'm touched."

"You're still a beauty though, obviously."

"I'm not touched anymore."

"Sorry, you're right. You're ugly. Are you touched again?"

"Yeah, thanks."

Sayaka giggles, and Ayaka can't keep the grin off her face either. It's taken her a long time to accept that her bandmate truly doesn't care about being perceived as ugly, so she can't blame the others for still being awkward about it. It's turned into a kind of inside joke between the two of them at this point, really. The others are always bewildered to hear the usually kind Maizono Sayaka refer to one of her friends as ugly even as a joke though -- it's not something she'd usually do.

"You two are so weird!" Satomi comments. "Anyway! Thanks, Ikusaba-san. Now I'm third place again. Suck it, Yuka!"

"You're welcome, Aoba-san." Mukuro replies. Sayaka is unsure on how much she means the words. It's hard to measure the flatness in her beloved's tone sometimes.

"Ikusaba-san did that on purpose." Yukari mutters.

"You don't have to help me, Ikusaba-san. I don't like to cheat." Nana says. Sayaka almost wants to roll her eyes, but Nana is way too earnest about it for her to do that.

"That's r-really admirable, Nana-san." Mikan looks at Nana like someone else might look at a beautiful sunset.

"Do _you_ want to cheat, Mikan-san?" Nana asks.

"N-No. I don't like to cheat either..."

"Then you're just as admirable as me!"

Mikan makes a noise somewhere between a giggle and a squeak. "Y-You're too kind..."

"This is torture." Yukari comments.

"It's adorable." Satomi gives Mikan and Nana that dreamy look again. "Why can't you be like that, Yuka?"

"Every idol group needs a bitch around to keep the balance." Yukari flips her hair. "It's a good thing Ayaka and me are around to balance you and Nana out."

"Thanks, Yukari." Ayaka says, sounding actually kind of sincere.

"What about me?" Sayaka asks.

"You're above our petty balance, dear leader." Yukari says in mock reverence.

"Aw, thanks." Sayaka decides to feign taking the words at face value, and sure enough it causes Yukari to scowl. "Anyway! I think Mukuro and I have some chicken fried rice to cook. Are you ready, Mukuro?!"

"Try not to burn the kitchen down." Yukari suggests.

"I will do my best." Mukuro says, and this time Sayaka can accurately say the flatness in her beloved's tone was very high.

"I know you can do- do it, Mukuro-san!" Mikan pipes up. "I believe in you..."

"Thank you, Mikan-san." Mukuro says, shifting from that flat to her serious, almost gentle tone with such quickness that it's almost jarring. Sayaka almost wants to laugh at it, but her two friends are so cute she can't bring herself to.

And Mukuro still thinks she doesn't deserve to have friends, when she treats them with such care?

 

-

 

"So! Chicken fried rice!" Sayaka declares after reaching the kitchen. "Hopefully, without any fire this time. Don't worry, I'm gonna watch you more carefully this time!"

"I know there needs to be water now." Mukuro mutters, almost sullenly.

Sayaka giggles. Mukuro is so easy to tease. "Alright," she says, clapping her hands together. "Let's use jasmine rice again. I've already prepped the pot." She nods her head towards the pot filled with water already on the stove.

Mukuro takes the measuring cup in her right hand, looks at the package of rice on the counter, and then back to the cup. "How much rice are we using?"

"I put half a liter into the pot, and I always use twice as much water as rice when I cook rice. That means 250 milliliters." Sayaka figures that's an okay amount to use. It's not a whole lot, but then they won't eat this rice anyway. It's just supposed to help Mukuro practice.

With a lot of care -- probably too much -- Mukuro pours the rice into the measuring cup, stopping precisely when it hits the line signalling 250 milliliters. Sayaka is faintly amused by how proud Mukuro looks with herself, but doesn't have it in her to tease her beloved.

Being _too_ dedicated to following instructions is hardly a fair thing to make fun of Mukuro for anyway.

"Well done!" Sayaka praises her, because there's never enough praise for her beloved. "I'm gonna turn on the stove now. First, I'll put in a teaspoon of salt though." While she does so, she adds: "Some people like to put in the rice with the water from the start, but I always put in the rice after the water boils. I've never tried the other method, but both work, I think. Maybe it depends on the rice."

"I wouldn't know." Mukuro says, frowning. "Junko-chan makes rice sometimes, but only with a rice cooker."

"Whatever floats your boat! I like doing it more with a pot myself." Sayaka finds it hard to imagine Junko cooking things. She's not even sure why. "Now, some people say it doesn't matter, but I always wash rice before cooking it. That makes it more fluffy. Pour it into the bowl on the counter and cover it with cold water." She could have done that herself, really, but it's probably better to show Mukuro exactly what to do. The last time she tried to let Mukuro figure things out on her own didn't go so well.

"How much water?" Mukuro asks.

"Stop when the bowl is half full, stir it about five times with your hand, and then get rid of the water right away." Mukuro does as she's told, then looks expectantly back to Sayaka, who makes sure to smile encouragingly. "Do it one more time. Then curl up your fingers to make a claw and stir the rice about twenty times. Do it clockwise."

Mukuro follows her instructions to the letter, and the look of concentration on her face makes Sayaka smile wider. Honestly, her instructions are probably too needlessly precise -- some might even be unconventional. Well, she's no professional chef. All she can do is tell Mukuro how she cooks things herself, not much more than that.

"Okay," Sayaka says after Mukuro glances at her again, finished with her task "You're almost done. Now do the water thing from before again -- two times." Mukuro does. "Great! Now we wait until the water on the stove starts boiling. Let's chop the vegetables and meat meanwhile. We'll put garlic, carrots, and green peas in it. Don't try to cut the green peas though."

"They're frozen. Why would I try to cut them?"

"Why would anyone try to cook rice without water?"

"... I apologized for that."

Sayaka giggles. "Just teasing, Mukuro. Sorry."

Her beloved all but pouts, but gets to work right away. Surprisingly, or maybe not since there's a knife involved, Mukuro is pretty good at cutting vegetables. The carrot slices are possibly a tad too thick, though Sayaka doesn't really consider that to be a deal breaker and doesn't mention it. While Mukuro cubes the chicken, competently as well, Sayaka puts the pan on the stove next to the pot, turns the heat up to maximum, and scoops up some butter with a fork. Her beloved is here to learn, but that doesn't mean doing  _every_ menial task herself.

"Some people use olive oil, but I think butter gives it a nicer flavor." Sayaka comments. She holds up her fork. "This should be enough. We'll cook the stuff you've cut up once the butter dissolves." Probably a pointless thing to say, but with Mukuro she can't be sure. She puts the butter inside the pan.

"Do we put everything in at once?" Mukuro asks.

"Nope! Garlic first. You should pretty much always cook garlic or onions first, for the flavor." Sayaka tells her. "Afterwards, the carrots. Then the chicken. The green peas and rice come last. Speaking of! The water is almost boiling. When it does, turn the heat down to low and add the rice. Oh, and put the lid on the pot."

Nodding, Mukuro picks up the bowl of rice and walks in front of the pot on the stove, looking down at it with narrowed eyes, presumably so she can see the exact moment when the water starts boiling and act accordingly. "How long does the rice need to cook?" She asks.

"Until there's no water anymore. Should take about twenty minutes or so." Sayaka answers. "And don't stir it. Or otherwise it'll get gloppy."

"I see. Um, will the rice be done in time? I think the butter in the pan has almost dissolved."

"Oh, actually!" Sayaka walks over to the fridge, reaches inside, and pulls out a bowl of rice. "I've prepared this ahead of time. Fried rice is a lot better when it gets to cool before you cook it."

Mukuro does not look impressed with her right now. "Then why are we bothering with this here?" She asks, and holds up the bowl of rice in her hands for emphasis.

"To teach you how to not set the kitchen on fire anymore." Sayaka replies cheerfully, not able to stop herself from giggling at Mukuro's disgruntled expression. "Aw, geez Mukuro! I'm just kidding. I wanted to teach you how to cook rice, that's all! Our bet would hardly count if you didn't make the rice yourself, right? So this is the next best thing! By the way, the water's boiling."

"I suppose you're right." Mukuro admits. She pours the rice into the pot of boiling water, then turns down the heat and covers it with a lid like Sayaka's instructed her to.

"Glad you see it my way." Sayaka places her bowl of chilled rice next to the package of frozen peas. "Anyway, put the garlic into the pan next!"

Mukuro continues to follow her instructions, and soon the kitchen is drenched in an appetizing aroma. Sayaka is pretty sure the avocado toast is a thing of certainty by now, though she wonders if Mukuro will point out that technically she didn't make the chicken fried rice by herself, seeing as she was following Sayaka's instructions the entire time. Not to mention that they aren't eating the rice that was actually cooked by her either.

"Where did you learn how to cook?" Mukuro asks while she's stirring the pan in an awkward, but acceptable motion.

"I taught most of it to myself. I started out with my Dad though." Sayaka answers. "He's the one who showed me how to cook rice, actually. I'm still cooking it exactly like he taught me to."

"The rice you made looks good." Mukuro mentions.

"Thanks! I like to think I inherited my Dad's cooking talent. He's a pretty good cook." Sayaka says, smiling fondly as she remembers how things had been like between Dad and her before their relationship started to change for the worse. Thinking of that immediately sours her mood though, makes her think of how she still hasn't called Dad yet, so she pushes the thought aside. "Well," she half mutters, half sighs. "I don't remember him actually cooking a whole lot, but the stuff he did cook was always really good. Anyway! What about you? Did you never cook anything before at all?"

If Mukuro finds the sudden topic change to be odd, she doesn't show it. "Not really," she says. "Junko-chan sometimes cooks random things when she feels like it, but the most I do is warm things up in the microwave. And make cup ramen."

"Did you ever set anything on fire?" Sayaka teases.

Mukuro gives her a very flat look. "No."

Sayaka giggles. "Wait, I think it should be actually done by now!" She exclaims, looking inside the pan. "Yeah, it is! Here, let me fetch two plates." Giving them both an equal amount of the meal, Sayaka carries the plates to the nearby table and sets them down. She beckons Mukuro to her. "You get to have the first bite, Mukuro! It's only fair!"

Sitting down on the opposite of her, Mukuro frowns. "You just want to see if it tastes awful first." She accuses.

"Geez, of course not! After all, I oversaw everything you did! I'm certain it's good." Sayaka nods her head, as if agreeing with herself. In truth, she's not fully convinced of her own words, though she isn't sure why. Possibly because Mukuro setting the kitchen on fire is still fresh on her mind.

Mukuro doesn't argue. She raises her fork and puts the rice into her mouth, never changing her deadpan expression, then sets it down on the plate afterwards while having a thoughtful look on her face for a moment. "It's good." She eventually concludes, almost surprised.

"Told you!" Sayaka takes a bite herself, and makes a pleased sound. As far as chicken fried rice goes, Mukuro's first attempt ended up as pretty decent, the help she's received notwithstanding. "It's good, Mukuro! I'm proud of you, my student."

Mukuro has a small, but still happy smile on her face. "Thank you, Sayaka," she mumbles. "I thought I was going to mess it up again."

"You did well!" Sayaka praises. She giggles. "Yukari said there's no way you'll make a good meal after what happened last time. We should make her taste the chicken fried rice, make her eat her words. Both literally and figuratively!"

"You did tell me how to do everything though. I'm sure I couldn't have done this myself." Mukuro argues.

"Well, she didn't specify that! Her mistake!" Sayaka pouts at Mukuro. "Besides, you'd be surprised at how many people have a hard time following a recipe."

"I do as well. When I tried to cook the rice last time, it didn't mention the water in the recipe. They probably expect people to know that water is needed for that, but still. That's why I have a hard time following recipes. They sometimes don't include how to do basic things and expect people to know them, but I don't know how to do those things more often than not." Mukuro says, her voice getting more and more frustrated. She sighs, and when she speaks again the frustration is gone. "That's why I did a passable job just now. You told me exactly what to do, step by step. Anyone would do well if they were instructed by you, Sayaka."

The compliment should make her feel flattered, but Sayaka feels something else entirely. "Geez Mukuro," she murmurs. "I'm sorry for making fun of you because of the rice before. I didn't realize it actually bothered you that much."

Mukuro blushes in embarrassment. "It's fine, Sayaka. I just feel kind of stupid sometimes, for not knowing how to do basic things. Junko-chan makes fun of me for that a lot..."

"Well, Aoi-chan said something pretty smart one time! I think it was... 'Everyone knows how to do different stuff', or something." Sayaka recites. "I'm not nearly as good in math as you, or know how to defend myself against people as well as you can. You shouldn't feel bad. And if you do, I can just try to teach you all that stuff, like you teach Mikan-san and me. Okay?"

"... Okay." Mukuro agrees after a slight pause, sporting a small smile that Sayaka immediately returns. "Thank you, Sayaka."

"You're welcome! Speaking of teaching you things..." Sayaka grins from ear to ear. "Now I'll teach you how to enjoy avocado toast! Remember? I prepared it in advance!"

"I suppose there is no harm in trying." Mukuro mutters, sounding like she's very unsure of her own words.

"Did you ever actually eat avocado before?" Sayaka asks, fumbling with the plastic wrap she's covered the plate with the two pieces of toast on with.

"Yes, in one of Junko-chan's salads. It tasted like wet grass."

Sayaka huffs. "Junko-chan clearly ruined it! Avocado is the best!"

"Or maybe avocado just tastes like wet grass." Mukuro says flatly.

"I'll prove you wrong with this!" Sayaka finally manages to rip the plastic wrap off. She carries the plate to the table and sets it down in front of Mukuro. "Take a bite! The anticipation is killing me." Mukuro glances down at the piece of toast uncertainly. "Oh, come on! Are you really telling me you haven't eaten worse than this? Even if it tastes like wet grass?"

"Point taken." Mukuro mumbles. She takes the avocado toast, luckily without bringing up any of the arguments Sayaka thought of before, and takes a small bite, chewing on it with a blank expression. "Well," she says. "This is fine."

"Wow. Kind of anticlimactic."

"It doesn't taste like wet grass."

"That's a compliment, right? Well, I'll accept it!" Sayaka takes a bite of her own avocado toast as well, nearly moaning when she tastes the rich flavor. "Geez, what's wrong with your taste buds? This is great..."

"There has to be someone else you know who doesn't like avocado toast." Mukuro says.

"Well..." Sayaka hums thoughtfully. "Ayaka doesn't, but I'm pretty sure she's just trying to be contrarian for the sake of it. To be honest, I'm surprised by how well Mikan-san is getting along with her. Ayaka is great, but she can be pretty difficult."

"Sometimes people who are very different get along well, I suppose." Mukuro mumbles. Sayaka wonders if she's thinking about the two of them, and possibly Aoi as well. "By the way, I'm glad Mikan-san spends the summer holidays at your studio. Is she going to stay all through them?"

"I think so, yeah." Sayaka neglects to mention she's still considering asking Dad about the two of them possibly staying with him, but isn't sure if she can bring herself to call him... either way, she's glad Mikan wasn't hard to convince to stay at the studio at all. In fact, she basically jumped at the chance, though not without apologizing for 'imposing' a lot.

That all of Sayaka's bandmates basically live here for the time being was unexpected, seeing as the new album had initially been scheduled to come out near the end of the summer holidays, but not unwelcome. They all like Mikan well enough. She can tell both Ayaka and Yukari do, because they make an effort not to be too mean-spirited to the shy girl, something they wouldn't do for just anyone. Ayaka is pretty unusually nice, even. And thankfully, being around Aoi's had the effect of desentizing Mikan a bit when it comes to energetic girls, so Satomi isn't much of a problem either. Nana can get along with basically everyone, and had therefore been a non-issue from the start.

"How does Mikan-san get along with your other bandmates?" Mukuro asks, as if reading her thoughts.

"Pretty well! It's weird seeing Yukari treat someone almost kindly." Sayaka half-jokes. "Honestly, I think everyone will be sad to see Mikan-san go. They'll especially miss her salads."

"They're very good." Mukuro says. "Did you hear from Makoto-kun? He and his little sister went to the zoo yesterday-"

Sayaka's laughter fills the air before Mukuro can say more. "Yeah, I got that message. I have no idea how he managed to fall in there, but at least it was just koala bears."

Mukuro frowns. "Sayaka, that's not funny. He could have been hurt."

"You're right, sorry." Sayaka bites her lower lip to stop herself from laughing more, feeling a bit guilty. "But you have to admit, it's _kinda_ funny. Komaru-chan laughed too, I've heard! Besides, Makoto-kun never gets hurt. He trips and falls a lot, but he's always fine. It's kind of cool, really! Not to mention, he actually got to pet a koala bear too! It even climbed on top of him. I'm jealous! Aoi-chan said the same when she texted me. Hey, speaking of, did you see Aoi-chan's race too?"

Mukuro nods. "She broke her record again, didn't she?"

"Yep! She always does that. Aoi-chan's amazing. Oh, did you hear what she said afterwards in the interview?" Sayaka giggles. "'A good friend told me that water is my territory'! It actually fits her really well. I wonder who said that to her."

"Um, that was me..." Mukuro admits with an air of sheepishness that's unlike her. "I'm surprised Aoi-san remembered that. I don't think it's a very profound quote or anything."

"It doesn't have to be!" Sayaka argues. "Sometimes, the simple stuff is the best."

"Maybe." Mukuro mumbles. She clears her throat. "Anyway, I think Aoi-san was planning on saying that in the interview before the race."

"Oh? What makes you say that?"

"She sent me a text message telling me to watch the interview."

"Aww... that's kind of sweet. You ever think of how sweet our friends are?" Sayaka teases with a grin.

"Yes."

"Aww!" Despite meaning the words, Sayaka mostly tried to get an embarrassed reaction out of Mukuro, but the sincerity in her beloved's voice makes her feel warmer than any embarrassed blush could have. "You're the cutest girl in the world, Mukuro!"

This time, Mukuro does blush in embarrassment. "I just say what I mean." She mutters.

"That's what's so great about you! You're earnest!" Sayaka sighs. "I'm really weak against that, you know? Ugh, you're just way too cute!"

"You're cuter." Mukuro mumbles, her face reddening.

"You have your opinion, I have mine! Let's leave it at that. Unless you want a compliment back and forth?"

"... I'm going to pass."

Sayaka giggles. "Thought so! Hey, you haven't said anything about what _you_ did so far?"

"Not much. Junko-chan and I mostly spend our time at our father's place when I'm not spending time with you." Mukuro says.

"I see! Probably mostly Junko-chan trying out clothes." Sayaka hesitates for a moment, unsure if she wants to ask, but then decides to do so. "Do you get along with your father well?"

"I don't mind him."

Sayaka frowns. That's not exactly what she's asked. "Um, do you spend time with him sometimes?"

"No."

Despite how curt the answers are, Mukuro doesn't give the impression that she minds answering the questions. Sayaka decides to ask another one. "May I ask why? Is he too busy?"

"He's busy most of the time," Mukuro says. "But it doesn't really matter either way. I never cared much for him, and he never cared much for me."

"I-I see." Sayaka bites her lower lip. She shouldn't have brought this up. "I'm sorry, Mukuro..."

"What for?" Mukuro asks, looking genuinely confused. "I don't mind. We don't have any reasons to love each other."

"I'm... not sure what you mean by that." Sayaka feels just as confused as Mukuro looks. She knows some people's relationships to their parents are strained, but she can't imagine not caring about whether Dad would love her or not. Not even at her worst did she manage to stop caring entirely about that. Did Mukuro's father do anything bad? But then that's not really what it sounds like.

"My parents wanted Junko-chan. They took me, because Junko-chan convinced them to." Despite the horrible words, Mukuro sounds like she's utterly unbothered by it all.

"That's terrible." Sayaka murmurs. She faintly realizes Mukuro just told her that she's adopted, a fact that she didn't know before, but it's not important. She'd never look down on an adopted child... though she does wonder what Mukuro's biological parents were like. Her beloved probably wouldn't want to talk about that though, so she dismisses the thought for the time being. "But," she says. "Surely... surely they grew to care about you too?"

"My father was fond of Junko-chan, but never really cared much about either of us. It's my mother who wanted to adopt. He just went along with it." Mukuro explains, still sounding so... methodical about the whole thing, like she's reading something off a manual.

"What about your mother?" Sayaka questions further. The thought of neither of Mukuro's parents caring for her is... too sad. She doesn't want to believe it. Even though Mukuro acts like it doesn't bother her, surely that can't be the entire truth.

"My mother... sometimes she tried to speak to me, but it was awkward." For the first time, Mukuro's expression changes and she looks unsure of herself, but then it hardens. "... I don't know. It doesn't matter. She's dead now."

The coldness in Mukuro's voice almost makes Sayaka flinch. "I'm sorry, Mukuro," she says. "We don't have to talk about this if you don't want to."

"It's fine." Mukuro mutters. "Junko-chan is all the family I need."

"And you have friends too now." Sayaka reminds her beloved, smiling brightly. She hopes it doesn't look too shaky.

Mukuro slowly smiles back. "You're right. I do."

"Hey, did Aoi-chan tell you that stuff about what happened to Yuta-kun? I love her to pieces, but that girl can be so clueless sometimes..."

They begin to chat about more light-hearted things, Sayaka hoping she can lift Mukuro's spirits a little. She makes tea for them both -- Nana's fennel tea to be exact -- and they both conclude it doesn't taste as bad as they expected. She should probably tell Nana about that later; her bandmate is always happy when someone likes her healthy stuff.

 While they both sip their tea in mostly silence, though not an uncomfortable one, she considers their conversation just now.

Their family, it seems, is not a good subject for the two of them to talk about... well, except for Junko. Mukuro is always happy to talk about Junko, and Sayaka can't help but get swept up a bit in Mukuro's adoration for her little sister. It's just really cute.

Still, she wants to know more about Mukuro's family, mostly because she just wants to know more about her beloved in general, but she also can't help but be curious. Mukuro was completely detached when talking about her father, but seemed almost regretful when she talked about her mother, and the coldness in her voice afterwards seemed strange. Almost forced... but that's not really it. Or not everything, at least.

She probably shouldn't think about it too much. She won't know what the truth is until the two of them talk about it more anyway.

They eventually return to the relaxation room. Sayaka figures the atmosphere there is sure to cheer Mukuro up. She's proven right immediately when Nana mentions that Mikan won that Scrabble match and Mukuro and her congratulate their shy friend sincerely, followed by Mikan stammering in embarrassment. Even Yukari, who apparently got last place, can't bring herself to make an insulting remark, though she doesn't extend that same courtesy to Satomi, who, of course, boasts over getting third place like she won some kind of special prize. She's a graceful loser, but a horrible winner. Ayaka merely reiterates that there was a reason why she didn't play, which is probably one of the nicest things Sayaka's ever heard her say.

"I think we should play Monopoly now." Sayaka declares, already setting the game board down. Monopoly is her speciality when it comes to board games. She almost never loses. "All of us! That includes you, Ayaka!"

"Seven people is a lot of people." Ayaka protests.

"Still works! Come on, Ayaka! Please? For me?"

Ayaka rolls her eyes. "Ugh, fine. You're gonna wipe the floor with us like always though."

"Maybe I'll take it easy on you this time, since we have guests. Oh, I call dibs on the cat!" Sayaka says, snatching it before anyone else can. "And Mukuro gets the dog!" She takes the dog piece and hands it to Mukuro. "Because the wolf is your favorite animal." She tells her beloved, fluttering her eyelashes.

"That's a terrier, not a wolf." Mukuro points out, but takes the piece nonetheless.

"I want the race car!" Nana, in an unusual display of assertiveness, snatches the piece in question for herself before anyone can even blink. "... I just really like race cars." She mutters, embarrassed.

"Top hat for me, since I'm so classy!" Satomi exclaims, lifting up the piece and displaying it proudly to everyone, almost slamming it in Yukari's face in the process.

"I'll take the battleship, because I want to destroy you all." Yukari reasons as she takes the piece, to the surprise of probably no one.

"I'll take the boot, since I'm gonna kick your asses." Ayaka boasts, but seeing as she has never won a single game of Monopoly, it ends up sounding pretty hollow. Still, she takes her piece with an admirable amount of confidence.

"I-I guess I'm going to play as the thimble. I'm pretty good at sewing..." Mikan mentions, taking the piece she's chosen with a small smile.

It doesn't take a lot of time for Yukari to start complaining, but she's obviously having fun even as she keeps losing all her money to everyone's houses and hotels. Mukuro, however, does even worse than Yukari and is in fact the worst player of them all, but it doesn't seem to bother her in the least. She even has it in her to keep complimenting Sayaka on her disgusting amount of fortune. Which is saying a lot, considering that even Mikan looks like she's in disbelief after a while. Satomi, Nana, and Ayaka are mostly resigned to it already, focusing more on who gets to lose less horribly than anyone who isn't Sayaka. And usually Satomi and Nana don't even care if they lose, so that's saying a lot.

To everyone's surprise, it's Satomi who ends up in second place, and she cheers loudly enough to make one think she won first place instead of just second. Mikan gets the bronze medal, which she seems satisfied with, while Ayaka seems mostly happy that she's on fourth place instead of having lost worse than that. Nana, even on fifth place, manages to be chipper, and Yukari at least seems to be glad she didn't end up in last place. Mukuro merely mentions she's used to losing when it comes to board games and is pretty unbothered by the whole thing, mostly happy that Sayaka and Mikan did so well.

While everyone argues over what to play next, Sayaka catches Mukuro's gaze over the table and winks at her. After a slight pause, Mukuro winks back, and they both can't help but break out into a big smile.

Lifting Mukuro's spirits? Officially a success.

Sayaka wants nothing more than to tell Mukuro she loves her right now. But even though she can't, she doesn't have it in her to be sad over that right now.

They don't need to tell each other the l-word over and over, although that's certainly nice.

Just spending time like this and having fun together is enough. As long as she can do that with Mukuro, she's happy. And she can still spend time with Mukuro even when her beloved is in Europe, through video chat or text messages. She'll still miss her, yes, but she'll live.

As long as they can talk to each other in any way, it's enough.

As long as Sayaka knows she'll see Mukuro's beautiful smile again, it's enough.

How she wishes she could say Ikusaba Mukuro was her girlfriend.

But even that's enough. Even if they can't be girlfriends, it's enough.

Just the knowledge of her wonderful Mukuro loving her back is enough.

Sayaka feels her heart skip a beat.

Just being with Mukuro in any way is enough.

* * *

 


	2. August

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Look at more short-haired Mikan: https://inacron.tumblr.com/post/172453453401 (please she's so beautiful)
> 
> Assorted art pics for Sayaka and the Despair Sisters: https://inacron.tumblr.com/post/172453458156 (they're also beautiful)
> 
> I hope you like this week's chapter! Another one over 8,000 words long... I'm really not trying to make them this long! Promise!

* * *

 

Sayaka takes a drag of her cigarette.

Smoking is a terrible habit, but not one she's been able to make herself give up yet. It doesn't even taste good... but then that's not the point. It's just relieving, in a way. Inhaling all those disgusting chemicals along with her anxiety and blowing it all out always manages to reduce her stress level.

Hard to give up on something she's been doing for about four years now, too.

She wonders what Mukuro would think of it. Would she disapprove? Sayaka can't imagine that. At worst, her beloved would dislike it in silence and tell her she can do whatever she wants. Probably.

Mukuro would worry though, wouldn't she? Sayaka can't help but think back to her beloved's extreme reaction when she told her about how she'd been forced to starve herself during her early days as an idol.

Sayaka feels a bit guilty over that, and not because she made Mukuro worry. She wasn't lying when she said Sonou had made her do that, but also kept the way she'd starved herself on purpose out as well. In hindsight, it seems dishonest.

It's better that way though. Mukuro shouldn't have to worry about her. Sayaka scowls. It's not like she smokes much anyway. She knows how to do things in moderation. She just smokes when she's feeling stressed.

And she's been feeling pretty stressed lately.

Not for the first time today, Sayaka glances down at the major source of her stress: her phone. Or more accurately, Dad's number.

With a deep feeling of conflict burning in her gut, her hand hovers over the number.

Why is it so hard? It should be easy. She'd just have to touch the green phone symbol to call him. To talk to Dad, which is what she's been wanting to do for months. She's completely alone in one of the storage rooms. No one would interrupt her here.

Sayaka frowns. If she's entirely honest with herself, she hadn't seriously considered the idea in a long time up until her birthday nearly a month ago, where she was forced to think back to certain things. Yes, she'd wanted to talk to him ever since that thing with Amane, but she just... had never been able to bring herself to.

It had been easier just to let the thought sleep back in her mind. Ever since her birthday though, the thoughts have been reawakened and haven't gone away yet. On the contrary, they've only gotten stronger. And since that short conversation with Mukuro about their parents, Sayaka has barely been able to think of anything else. They didn't even really talk a whole lot about it, so why?

Sayaka doesn't understand. Well, whatever the reason, it's a problem. That's all that matters. She doesn't like feeling unsure about things. She doesn't like when issues make her feel too uneasy to properly rationalize and deal with them.

A part of her wants to argue that since Sonou recently informed them that the new album will have a few of the songs that they hadn't included in previous albums before, Euphony Star would have to work longer on it and she wouldn't get to go home because of that anyway. Meaning there'd be no point in talking to Dad because of that.

The other part of her, of course, is quick to point out that that's not the real reason why she's been wanting to call Dad. It's not like they'd even have to talk about anything difficult. Just a casual chat would be fine at first, wouldn't it? She could at least make an attempt... it's not like he'd tell her off, right? Even if he did, then at least-

Sayaka nearly jumps when her phone starts beeping. Oh, that must mean it's five minutes before 3pm.

In other words, when Mukuro and her get to talk to each other!

Although with a slight feeling of guilt, Sayaka pushes Dad out of her mind and turns off the alarm. She puts out her cigarette and shoves the pack back into her pink hoodie, pops a mint into her mouth, and leaves the storage room to walk back to the studio's relaxation room.

When she enters, there's only Mikan and Ayaka sitting on the couch next to each other, reading one of Ayaka's morbid horror manga together. "Where did the others go?" She asks.

"They wanted to go to the cake shop. Well, Satomi wanted to. Yukari did her whole Tsundere thing and Nana just got roped into it." Ayaka responds without bothering to look up.

"It's cake _café_." Sayaka corrects. Except for Nana, none of her friends ever get that one right. "Why didn't you two go?"

"I'm too lazy." Ayaka answers, accentuating her statement with a yawn. "And Mikan-san decided she'd rather spend time with me here, for whatever reason."

"I like spending time with- with you, Ayaka-san..." Mikan mumbles.

Ayaka's lips twitch, almost as if she's attempting to smile. "I can't even be snide to you or anything. You're ruining my reputation, Mikan-san."

"I'm sorry...!" Mikan squeaks.

"I wasn't serious."

"Oh... ehehe. I'm glad."

Sayaka grins, wasting no time to tease them. "Well, I didn't wanna _interrupt_ anything here, sorry! I'm just gonna take my laptop and chat with Mukuro someplace else."

"In-Interrupt? What do you mean, Sayaka-san?" Mikan asks, although from the redness in her face it's obvious she has a pretty good idea what Sayaka is talking about.

"It's just Sayaka being Sayaka." Ayaka says dryly. She smirks. "Anyway, have fun with your girlfriend."

"Thank you, I will." Sayaka retorts, well past the point where she shows how flustered these comments make her. Ayaka being the one this time just means Sayaka's teasing got to her a little just now.

"Please give Mukuro-san my- my regards." Mikan requests.

"I will, Mikan-san." Sayaka assures the nurse, then looks at her bandmate again. "Any other intelligent comments from you, Ayaka? Or can I leave?"

"Leave."

"Rude."

"I'm not paid to be nice." Ayaka mutters. She gets a thoughtful look on her face. "Well actually, I kind of am. We all are. But not really. It's complicated."

"Have fun figuring that one out. Anyway, see you-"

"W-Wait!" Mikan squeaks. Blushing, she swallows and continues on in a quieter tone. "Um, Sayaka-san? I'm sorry for yelling, b-but could you please ask Mukuro-san if she has been feeling sick lately? Th-There was an infection in France lately and I just want to be sure..."

"Of course, Mikan-san." Sayaka replies, though not without confusion. She wonders if Nana has rubbed off on the nurse a little. It's not unusual for Mikan to worry at all, but this kind of thing seems a bit odd for her.

"Thank you... y-you two are video chatting today, right?" Mikan asks.

"Yep, that's why I'm taking the laptop!" Sayaka's been looking forward to that. It wasn't possible until now because Mukuro hadn't wanted to disturb Junko so early in the morning, but her beloved agreed to it now that the two sisters are in London and apparently have a bigger hotel room than in Paris. "It should work, but you never know!"

Mikan twiddles her thumbs together. "Well... rashes c-can be a side effect of that infection. If- if you see any red marks or anything else on Mukuro-san's face, please tell me."

"I'll keep my eyes open!" Sayaka promises.

"Okay!" Mikan almost looks relieved for a moment, but then cringes as if she wants to wipe it off her face. "Sorry for keep- keeping you..."

"It's no problem, Mikan-san. You just care about Mukuro-san's well-being. Don't apologize for that, okay?" Sayaka says, smiling warmly at her caring friend. Mikan returns the smile and nods slowly. "There we go! A cute smile suits you much better!"

"She's right, you know?" Ayaka comments, trying way too hard to sound nonchalant.

"Ehehe... you're both lying..." As always -- or mostly always -- the compliments have the intended effect of lighting up Mikan's face, in spite of her denial.

"I'd never lie about that, Mikan-san! Anyway, hope you two have fun! See you later!" Sayaka waves them goodbye and, laptop clenched under her right arm, leaves the relaxation room. Maybe a bit too abruptly, but she can't help it.

The thought of getting to see Mukuro's face for the first time in over a week has her excited.

 

-

 

She settles down in one of the currently empty recording rooms, one she knows won't be used anymore today, so no one should bother her here while she talks to her beloved.

Mukuro and her have decided to talk to each other daily during the former's time in Europe, though the different time zones gave them a bit of trouble in the beginning. They eventually agreed on 3pm for Sayaka, which is when Euphony Star generally takes a break while working on their album, and 8am for Mukuro, which is early enough not to interfere with Junko's model shoots.

Though considering Mukuro and Junko arrived in London yesterday, it means it's actually 7am for them due to the one hour time difference between London and Paris. Sayaka doesn't want to take sleep away from Mukuro, but relented when her beloved said she's used to waking up even earlier than that.

She looks at her phone. 3pm, meaning the ever punctual Mukuro should be online. Sayaka gets on Discord and starts typing.

 **kutekittenzpink:** are you there, mukuro?! i need my daily dose of freckles please respond!

Almost a minute passes, but Sayaka refuses to get worried over such an insignificant amount of time. She can't deny she's glad when Mukuro finally writes back though.

 **stabbyshootywolfy:** Yes, I'm sorry. I've been trying to figure out how to change my name back, but this website is confusing. Good afternoon, Sayaka.

Sayaka snorts with laughter when she sees that name. She can imagine what happened to just **Mukuro** , and makes a mental note to thank Junko later for this.

 **kutekittenzpink:** thats why its called discord. love the new name btw! i take junko-chan did that?! :D

 **stabbyshootywolfy:** Yes. How do I change it back?

 **kutekittenzpink:** i dont have the slightest idea sorry  >:3c

Even if Sayaka did, she isn't sure she'd tell Mukuro. It can't be hard though.

 **stabbyshootywolfy:** I suppose it's not that important.

 **kutekittenzpink:** dont be so glum! its cute! i like the wolfy especially

 **stabbyshootywolfy:** Wolves may be my favorite animals, but that doesn't mean much. I don't like them enough to include that in my name.

 **kutekittenzpink:** im being called out  >:(

 **stabbyshootywolfy:** Does that mean you have to leave?

 **kutekittenzpink:** what no what are you talking about

 **kutekittenzpink:** oh my god i dont mean someone is literally calling out for me im saying you were calling me out

 **stabbyshootywolfy:** I know what you meant. I was joking.

 **kutekittenzpink:** wow!!!!! you were????? amazing...

 **stabbyshootywolfy:** It's easier to joke over text.

 **kutekittenzpink:** mukuro no offense but it was kind of a lame joke to begin with... still proud of you though :)

 **stabbyshootywolfy:** Thank you.

 **kutekittenzpink:** can we finally video chat????? ive been waiting FOREVER and EVER

 **stabbyshootywolfy:** It has been eight days.

 **kutekittenzpink:** thats long! wait does that mean you havent missed my cute face??? :(

 **stabbyshootywolfy:** That's not what I said...

 **kutekittenzpink:**  i wanna hear it or i wont believe it

 **stabbyshootywolfy:** I missed your cute face...

 **kutekittenzpink:** :D

 **kutekittenzpink:** okay! now lets get this video chat started!

 **stabbyshootywolfy:** Alright, I think I know how it works.

 **kutekittenzpink:**  me too!!! i think! lets do this!

It takes them some time, more than enough that Sayaka feels embarrassed for both of them, but eventually they manage to make it work.

Or at least for Mukuro it does.

"It's working." Sayaka hears Mukuro's voice say, but doesn't see her.

"Mukuro, your screen is black." Sayaka complains. She feels like pouting. If she doesn't get to see her beloved's face today, she's going to flip a table over or something.

"Oh. I'm sorry, give me a moment." There's a noise that sounds like something ripping, and then all of a sudden Sayaka can see her beloved's face. "Can you see me now?"

"Yeah!" Sayaka tries not to stare too much. She hasn't seen Mukuro's face in more than a week. Geez, she's probably being ridiculous right now, but well... she's in love! She's allowed to be a bit silly! At least she has the excuse of looking for red marks. She can't spot any though. "Hey, Mukuro!"

"Hello, Sayaka." Mukuro greets her back, sounding very cheerful for her standards. It almost makes Sayaka feel less embarrassed.

She pulls Pinky out of her hoodie's pocket, feeling guilty for no reason when her hand brushes against the pack of cigarettes also in there. She swallows it down, and chirps: "Pinky says hi too!"

Mukuro's eyes lock on the pink plushy. "Hello, Pinky."

"Pinky can hear the sarcasm in your voice and is very hurt by it." Sayaka says, scrunching up her nose in a snobbish manner. "But she and I will forgive you this one time." She giggles at Mukuro's unimpressed look and puts Pinky back into her pocket. "What was up with that black screen?"

"Junko-chan put tape over the camera, because she doesn't want anyone spying on her." Mukuro explains.

"Paranoid, much? I guess that stuff does happen though. Maybe I should do the tape thing too." Sayaka muses.

"You should. This kind of hacking is more common than people think."

"You're almost scaring me, but if you say so then I'll do it!" Not like it can hurt. "Anyway," Sayaka says, smiling brightly. "It's great to see you, Mukuro! I've missed looking at your freckles. I should count them sometime!"

"I've missed you too, Sayaka..." Mukuro mumbles. "Um, I think Junko-chan knows how many freckles there are. On my face, at least." The video quality is good, but not quite good enough for Sayaka to tell if her beloved is blushing or not. She probably is though.

"Oh? Where else do you have freckles?" Sayaka asks, smirking.

"No comment."

Sayaka's smirk gets bigger. "I can't just ask her though. That'd be cheating." She almost feels jealous of Junko for knowing that, which is frankly absurd. "How was your flight, by the way? You said Junko-chan was being cranky during your flight to Paris, so..."

"That's not what I said. I said she was bored." Mukuro protests. "And it was fine. It was a much shorter flight, so Junko-chan didn't feel as bored."

"I can't imagine all those model shoots and sightseeing tours were boring though." This time, Sayaka _definitely_ feels jealousy. "Flight aside, did you and Junko-chan have fun yesterday? She said she wanted to go on a shopping spree on her last day in Paris."

Mukuro smiles fondly. "Junko-chan practically dragged me all through the _Champs-Élysées_. I had to carry a lot of things for her, but I don't mind that. We had a lot of fun. She was almost sad to leave Paris, I think."

Sayaka suppresses a dreamy sigh. It's incredibly lame, but there's something about Mukuro using French words that makes her want to bury her face in her hands and squeal incoherently. She coughs, to mask her embarrassment, and says: "I'm glad you two had fun, but I refuse to feel bad for her! I'd kill for just three days in Paris!" She's half serious about that, really.

"Junko-chan would kill for three more days too, I'm sure." Mukuro retorts.

"I could definitely believe that! Did she at least spit off the Eiffel Tower like she claimed she would?"

Mukuro snorts, and Sayaka can't tell whether it's amusement or exasperation. "Yes."

"I'm so glad she's following her dreams." Sayaka says solemnly.

"What about you?" Mukuro asks. "How is the album going?"

"Good, I guess! My manager has neither complained nor forced us to work longer so far, which means it's actually going better than just good." At the mention of Sonou, Mukuro frowns. Not wanting to ruin the mood, Sayaka quickly adds: "By the way, Mikan-san says hello!"

Mukuro's expression softens. "Give her my regards as well. Is she doing alright?"

"More than alright! Did you know she's into that creepy stuff Ayaka likes so much?" Sayaka shudders. "I'm not a scaredy-cat or anything, but some of that stuff Ayaka and her read is pretty weird."

"Don't you like creepy things too?"

"Well, yeah! But mostly mysteries, psychological horror, and maybe some trashy slasher movies, not that super violent stuff they're reading. I'm pretty sure I wouldn't get any sleep if I did." Sayaka blinks. "Geez, I guess I _am_ a scaredy-cat after all."

"That violent stuff probably isn't accurate anyway." Mukuro says. "Too much blood, mostly. The blood in our bodies isn't infinite, which a lot people seem to forget. When you sever people's limbs, they-" She abruptly stops speaking, looking incredibly awkward for a moment. "... Anyway, um. Would you like to go watch a scary movie with me sometime?"

Sayaka giggles nervously, pushing her speculations on how her beloved might have experienced all that knowledge firsthand out of her mind. "I would love to watch scary movies with you, Mukuro! As long as it isn't a romantic comedy again!" Mukuro gets a very sour expression on her face. "Aw, come on! Stop feeling bad about that! We can't _always_ like the same things!"

"... I shouldn't have fallen asleep."

"Okay, that did feel insulting." Sayaka allows. It was one of her favorite movies, even! "But still! It's funny looking back. I should be more insulted you didn't like that action movie I picked out just for you!"

"That man just stood there out in the open being shot at and no one hit him, while he hit everyone." Mukuro says flatly. "He never reloaded. He didn't check his corners. He never took cover. And silencers don't work that way."

"It's supposed to be fun, not realistic!" Sayaka insists. "Geez, I can't believe you've only ever liked one movie and it was that awful one where the villain got away with it all."

"She was fun. Why would I side with the heroes when they're boring and make poor decisions?"

"Let's be honest here, you just rooted for her 'cause she reminded you of Junko-chan!"

"... Maybe."

"I'm not sure what that says about the both of you! Oh, before I forget, I'm gonna send you an invitation for a Discord server. Give me a second." After making sure she alone has control over the server first, Sayaka sends out her invite code to Mukuro and the others.

Narrowing her eyes, Mukuro clicks on the link. Then, her eyebrows rise. "'Queen Sayaka's domain'," she reads the server name in a flat tone. "Really?"

Grinning, Sayaka turns Mukuro's name into a dark gray -- she's picked pink for herself obviously -- and assigns a role to her. "Check out your role!" She tells her beloved cheerfully.

"I'm a queen as well?" Mukuro asks, sounding strangely pleased with it.

"Yep! There can be two queens, you know?" Sayaka pouts when Mukuro still doesn't take the bait. She was trying to embarrass Mukuro here, but she supposes that can't always work out. Still, she's not sure how her beloved doesn't understand the implication of two queens meaning they might've married each other. She wanted to get a blush, at least! "I can't wait to assign roles to everyone else. Aoi-chan will be a knight, 'cause that's gonna make her happy. Makoto-kun will be the bishop, 'cause he's a saint and also it's gonna embarrass him. And Mikan-san will be the... uh... what was a nurse called back then? Was it just nurse?"

"I don't know, but I doubt it."

"I'm gonna Google it later." Sayaka dismisses. "It's probably gonna embarrass her too. I can't wait!"

"You shouldn't want to embarrass Mikan-san." Mukuro admonishes, like she's telling her unruly daughter not to bully another child.

"I don't mean _seriously_ embarrass! Just in that way that makes Mikan-san do the thing where she acts all bashful, but is secretly happy!"

"Well, I suppose that's fine." Mukuro relents. She almost seems to suppress a sigh. "Thank you for the server, Sayaka. This is going to be much more convenient than trying to make time for everyone separately."

"I'm surprised you even thought of messaging them on here at all. I kinda thought you were gonna send them hand-written letters." Sayaka teases.

Mukuro frowns. "That would take much longer. They might think I've forgotten about them."

Sayaka doesn't suppress her own sigh. Her beloved's earnestness never fails to makes her heart flutter. "You're so cute."

"... Why?" Mukuro asks, obviously embarrassed.

"No reason!" Sayaka hums. "Hey, did Makoto-kun send you that funny cat video too? That's the exact kind of cat I wanna have one day..."

She proceeds to talk Mukuro's ear off about cats for at least ten minutes, before sheepishly apologizing, but her beloved merely says she likes hearing her talk. Sayaka doesn't need reminders as to why she loves Ikusaba Mukuro, but that doesn't stop her from appreciating them anyway.

In return though, she lets Mukuro complain about the clothes Junko is making her wear over there in Europe. Sayaka is relieved to hear that Junko hasn't been pushing her beloved's boundaries when it comes to that, but still isn't exactly a big fan of Mukuro having to wear clothes that she's plainly not comfortable in. The whole make-up thing has been bothering her in forever too, hasn't it?

Mukuro doesn't want to hear about any of that though, so Sayaka internally debates whether to bring that up to Junko or not. She doesn't think Mukuro would want her to -- her beloved would just say it's not a big deal.

The thought of Mukuro being uncomfortable in any way bothers Sayaka though. It bothers her a lot, even if it's supposedly not really a big deal. Still, dwelling on it would only make her beloved more uncomfortable.

Although she's not happy with it, Sayaka changes the subject and they talk about other things instead. She almost considers bringing up the thing with Dad, but seeing as that isn't a much happier topic, she dimisses that thought for now.

Honestly, Sayaka thinks she's probably talking too much overall, but she can't help it. She hasn't been able to talk directly to Mukuro for over a week! She has a lot of catching up to do.

She's just about to complain to Mukuro about how she still isn't sure whether Yukari and Satomi are girlfriends or not when a voice on Mukuro's end interrupts them.

"Well, well! Look who's finally video chatting!" Junko appears behind Mukuro, embracing her from behind and placing her chin on her sister's shoulder. "How can you get up that early Sayaka-chan?" She gets a dirty look on her face. "Oh wait, it's 'cause it's afternoon for you."

"You look tired, Junko-chan." Sayaka informs her friend -- who is definitely not a morning person -- with an extra layer of cheer just to rub it in.

"And you look less fashionable than I remember!" Junko retorts. "What are you _wearing_? That looks like something at the bottom of Naegi's closet."

"You're so mean!" Sayaka scolds, but can't help the giggle accompanying her words.

"I am, and yet everyone loves me anyway." Junko says. She gives Mukuro a peck on the cheek. "You should get ready, sis. The shoot's in less than two hours. Let me take over meanwhile, 'kay?"

"Okay, Junko-chan." Mukuro mumbles, smiling as she adresses her little sister. She turns back to Sayaka. "See you later, Sayaka."

"Bye bye, Mukuro!" Sayaka watches her beloved leave the camera's view with the slight disappointment she always feels when she has to say goodbye to her.

With Mukuro gone, Junko sits down where her sister was just now. "So, Sayaka-chan! What did you two talk about?"

"Wouldn't _you_ like to know!" Sayaka says, smirking.

"Fine, I'm just gonna ask Mukuro-chan later then!"

"Like she's gonna tell you!"

Junko grins. "I _wonder_." She says, sugar sweet. "Hey, how are you dealing with your Mukuro withdrawal? Are there any symptoms yet?"

Sayaka rolls her eyes, though she can't help how her cheeks are growing warm. She may not get that embarrassed when other people tease her about Mukuro anymore, but her beloved's sister is a different story. "Very funny, Junko-chan! I think I can survive a few weeks without her!"

"But can _she_?" Junko asks, tapping one of her fingers against her chin.

"With only you here, I wouldn't be surprised if she missed literally anyone." Sayaka retorts.

"Who's the mean one now?" Junko asks, pouting. "But really, I'm almost getting jealous of you two. Maybe we won't come back to Japan at all!"

"Good luck! Can't wait to see Hope's Peak dragging you back."

"They _would_  try that, wouldn't they?" Junko snickers. "Honestly though, _you_ should be the one getting jealous."

"Oh?" Sayaka asks, brows raising. "Why's that?"

"Well, seeeee..." Junko drawls. "I imagine you'd love to share a room with Mukuro-chan, wouldn't you?"

"Geez... I guess?"

"Aaaaand... how about a bed?"

"Junko-chan!" Sayaka squeaks. She puffs up her cheeks when Junko starts cackling. "You're awful!"

"Mukuro-chan doesn't look like it, but she loves cuddling. And I have her all to myself here." Junko winks. " _Jealous_?"

Sayaka hates to admit it, but she kind of is. "Not as jealous as I'd be if you two weren't sisters." She points out.

Junko laughs loudly. "Oh that- now that's funny!" Her laughter dies down eventually, but a grin remains on her face. "You're underestimating the power of sisterly love, Sayaka-chan! Romantic love doesn't have to be the strongest kind, y'know?"

"True." Sayaka admits. "Then I guess it's a good thing we aren't competing!"

"Everything's a competition," Junko jokes. "But yeah! If we were, we could at least make it a threeway though."

"Junko-chan!!!" Sayaka all but shrieks.

"I don't mean _that_." Junko rolls her eyes. "Wow, get your mind out of the gutter!"

"What else could you possibly be talking about?!"

"Oh, y'know."

"No, I don't!"

"Anyway-"

"So I'm just supposed to let you continue, huh?"

"Yes. _Anyway_ , have you noticed anything off about Mukuro-chan?"

Sayaka blinks at the sudden question. Junko is sounding unusually serious too. "Not really, no. Why?"

Junko sighs. "Mukuro-chan's good at hiding her baggage, that's for sure. I just wanted to ask you to be patient with her if she acts weird anytime soon."

"Weird? What do you mean?"

"Well." Junko seems to consider something for a few moments. "It's because of London. Something happened here a few years back."

"I think Mukuro mentioned you were on vacation in Europe before." Sayaka recalls. She frowns. "... Are you sure you should be telling me this? I'm not sure Mukuro would-"

"No, you're right." Junko says, her tone clipped. "I'm just worried about her. I thought you'd wanna know about that stuff. I mean, Mukuro-chan likes telling you about stuff and I think she wouldn't mind if you knew at least that much, but maybe not. I dunno... sorry."

"Don't apologize. You're just trying to look out for your sister." Sayaka tells her gently. The Junko she's seeing right now is not one she's used to at all, so she's a bit put off.

"Yeah, but... it's not just that I'm worried for her. What she did back then involved me too, y'know?" Junko's face darkens. "And I'm still not really over it. But talking about it with Mukuro-chan never helps."

Sayaka bites her lower lip, conflicted. On one hand, she shouldn't know about things Mukuro doesn't want her to know. On the other hand, Junko is her friend too and seems like she needs to talk to her about this. And... Sayaka can't deny she's curious as well. Eventually, she reaches a compromise within herself. "We can talk about it if you want to, Junko-chan," she says. "But only if Mukuro doesn't mind it, okay? Could you please ask her?"

Junko is silent for a few seconds, merely giving her an indecipherable look, before nodding and disappearing from the camera's view. It isn't even a minute until she's back. "Mukuro-chan said yes." She says simply.

Sayaka gives her a dubious look, but chastises herself for her suspicion. Junko can be a bit self-centered, but wouldn't go behind Mukuro's back like this. "Okay, so... what happened?"

"She left," Junko mutters. "To join that military organization. They invited her during our vacation and she just left like that."

Brows furrowed, Sayaka considers what she just heard. Something is seriously strange here. "But... what do you mean she left during your vacation? How would that work? What military organization are you talking about?"

"I guess that's the part where I ask you not to tell anyone about this." Junko mutters. She gives her a look. "Do you promise?"

"I promise, yeah." Sayaka quickly agrees, but gets an unpleasant feeling in her chest. She won't like what she hears next, that much is obvious.

Junko continues. "That military organization wasn't exactly... legal. I can't tell you the name, but they were basically a terrorist group."

"... Junko-chan, this isn't funny." Sayaka says, laughing weakly.

"Right." Junko drawls. "Sorry for bothering you then. I'm gonna leave-"

"Wait!" Sayaka chews on her lower lip. "Are... are you serious about this?"

Junko's eyes look like they're on fire. "Of course I am," she snaps. "You think I'd joke about this kinda thing? What the hell's wrong with you?!"

Sayaka winces. "I-I'm sorry. I just- you're telling me Mukuro was a _terrorist_..."

Junko's expression softens somewhat. "Aren't you considering that Mukuro-chan maybe didn't really know what she was getting into?" She asks. "Besides, she left them eventually."

"I wasn't trying- I mean..." Sayaka takes a deep breath. "I'm glad she left them. I'm sorry, this is just a lot to take in. Mukuro was forced to work for a terrorist group... the thought alone... it must've been awful for her."

"She doesn't like to talk about it, but yeah." Junko sighs. "She's seen a lot of horrible stuff there. And look at me, getting depressed 'cause she left. I'm pretty selfish, huh?"

"No, Junko-chan." Sayaka assures her. "You have a right to be upset. I'm sure Mukuro didn't mean to hurt you, but still..."

"Mom died while she was away." Junko mumbles. "Mom was sick and Mukuro-chan left me to take care of her alone. A bunch of other stuff happened too and... for a while I didn't think I could ever forgive Mukuro-chan for being gone during all that, y'know? Sometimes, I hated her so much that it scared me."

Despite how these words are making her feel, Sayaka suppresses the urge to defend her beloved. This isn't what Junko needs to hear and, despite the fact that Sayaka wants to think otherwise, might not be the truth. As much as she loves Mukuro, everyone makes mistakes. It's just a fact.

Some people more than others, but that's not important right now.

Mukuro's guilt and self-loathing over her past... perhaps a part of that is because she left Junko?

"Why did she leave?" Sayaka asks.

Junko smiles, but it looks strange. Strained, is what comes to mind. "You'll have to ask her that yourself. Did she ever tell you about our parents?"

"Kinda. She said you and your mom were close, and that your dad is busy often."  
  
This time, Junko's smile looks a lot more genuine. "Our adoptive ones, you mean? Mukuro-chan wouldn't remember much about our biological parents. Our adoptive mom was great, yeah." She loses her smile. "Adoptive dad, not so much. He's not awful or anything, but you never get the impression he cares much, y'know? That's why I only bother to call him when it's about something important."

"Yeah." Sayaka mumbles, a sense of shame enveloping her. Mukuro's and Junko's parents have either died or are uncaring, and here she is with her perfectly loving Dad whom she just can't bring herself to speak to. It's pathetic. But this isn't about her, so she quickly dimisses her thoughts. "I'm sorry, Junko-chan." She tells her friend.

For a split second, there's a flash of surprise on Junko's face, but it's gone so fast that Sayaka thinks she might have imagined it. "Thanks, Sayaka-chan. I think I've gotten off-topic though. What I meant to say is, like, Mukuro-chan fucked up a long time ago and still feels awful over it. This might make me sound like a bitch, but if you two talk about it don't try to tell her that it's okay. That she shouldn't feel bad anymore." When Sayaka opens her mouth, Junko cuts her off. " _Look_ , before you say anything... I just mean it wouldn't help. Mukuro-chan would only feel worse if you told her that, y'know? This isn't just 'cause I'm still mad about it."

Sayaka stares down at her lap, thinking. What Junko is telling her goes against her natural instincts... but it makes sense, in a way. "I..." She licks her lips. "I'll try to be fair if I talk to Mukuro about this. I promise." She can at least do that much.

Junko nods, somewhat mollified. "Okay, good." A grin slowly forms on her face. "Whew, I guess it's true what they say. Talking about this stuff makes you feel a lot better!"

"Maybe I should start charging." Sayaka teases, somewhat relieved that the worst seems to be over. Junko and her are friends, yes, but they've never really talked about... serious things before. And that kind of stuff isn't easy to talk about either way. Adding to that, Mukuro is involved too...

"I think there's already an Ultimate Therapist." Junko retorts. "Anyway, I've annoyed you enough for today. Mukuro-chan should be done soon anyway -- I swear that girl can get ready in a minute and still look halfway decent. Don't tell her I said that!"

Sayaka giggles, and makes a show out of looking thoughtful. "I'll think about it."

"See ya, Sayaka-chan."

"Junko-chan, before you go..." When her friend looks at her curiously, Sayaka says what she feels she needs to say. "We never really talk about this stuff, but I'm glad you did today. So don't feel bad later, okay? We're bitchy to each other for fun, right? But we're still friends and I care about you. I, uh..." Sayaka feels her ears burning with embarrassment. "I just felt I had to say that. Sorry."

"... Wow, since when are you the mushy type?" Junko snickers, but in spite of that reaction it really doesn't seem like she's trying to be mocking for some reason. "Weeeeell, you listened to all my bullshit, so making fun of you would, like, make me feel bad. You're off the hook, for now."

"Geez, aren't you nice?" Sayaka asks dryly.

"Don't mention it." Junko says. She sighs. "And... thanks, I guess. I can think of worse girlfriends for Mukuro-chan, that's for sure."

"Junko-chan!" Sayaka squeaks. And just when she thought Junko was almost being all vulnerable too.

"What? Not like you two are fooling anyone. By the way, I'm gonna send Mukuro-chan back to you." Upon Sayaka's smile, Junko rolls her eyes. "Yeah, yeah, go kiss each other through the screen or something. You two can talk until I'm done with my make-up."

"That's plenty of time. Wait, you've made another terrible comment just now!"

Junko snorts, in what Sayaka assumes to be amusement. "See ya, Sayaka-chan!" She flashes a peace sign and disappears from the camera's view.

"Yes, run! Run away, coward!" Sayaka yells, but the grin on her face betrays her.

In a way, the comments are almost a relief to hear. It kind of means Junko would approve of their relationship, right? Sayaka has no idea what else it could mean. Still, that doesn't seem important right now.

While waiting for Mukuro to return, Sayaka leans back, thinking about that conversation just now.

Junko brought that stuff up rather abruptly, then ended the conversation in a similiariy abrupt manner. It makes sense, right? She doesn't seem like someone who talks about her feelings a whole lot, meaning she probably was just shy or embarrassed.

And... then there are the things Junko said.

Sayaka swallows.

Her Mukuro? A terrorist? It's hard to believe, but she doesn't think Junko was lying. And Junko did suggest that Mukuro hadn't known about that at the time...

No, no, there's no point in continuing to think about this until Mukuro is back.

Sayaka waits. It takes about five minutes until Mukuro returns.

"I'm sorry, Sayaka," Mukuro mumbles, sitting down in front of the screen. "Did Junko-chan and you have a nice chat?" She asks, rather awkwardly.

"I guess so." Sayaka mutters. "I, uh. I'm sorry..."

"Why? Didn't Junko-chan mention I was fine with it?"

"Well, yes, but..." Sayaka fidgets uncomfortably. "Were you really okay with that? I mean..."

"I doubt Junko-chan went into much detail." Mukuro pauses, looking unsure for a moment. "... Did she?"

"No, not really. Just mentioned something about you being a terrorist." Sayaka mentions, letting out a short burst of hysterical laughter.

Mukuro's face turns to stone. "I see."

Sayaka cringes. Dear God, what is she doing? "L-Look, Junko-chan said... I mean it's not like you knew what they were, right? Wait, no, I'm sorry for bringing this up, let's just-"

"If I tell you that, can we drop the subject?" Mukuro interrupts, her voice a quiet murmur.

"Y-Yes, of course. You don't have to tell me at all," Sayaka hastily assures her. "I mean, you can, but if you're too uncomfortable with-"

"I didn't know." Mukuro interrupts her again.

Sayaka lets out a breath she didn't know she'd been holding. She feels tension leaving her body. "Okay... okay, that's good... thanks for telling me."

"But that doesn't mean-" Mukuro closes her eyes for a moment, then opens them again. "... Nevermind," she mumbles. "I... um. I should probably help Junko-chan with her make-up."

"Oh, okay." Sayaka smiles, despite the coldness surging through her body. She forces herself to say something else. "... It was great talking to you, Mukuro! We'll talk later in the server with the others, right?"

"I will have enough time, I think." Mukuro answers. "See you later, Sayaka."

"Bye bye!" Sayaka chirps, smiling brightly.

She loses that smile once their screens turn black for each other. She feels relief again... but this time it's because -- and that thought makes her feel so ashamed of herself -- their conversation is over.

She turns off the laptop and exits the recording room, almost as if fleeing.

 

-

 

Sayaka fumbles in her pocket for her pack of cigarettes and pulls them out, shutting the storage room's door behind her.

She nearly drops her cigarette, due to her trembling hands, but manages to light it eventually. She takes a deep drag. She doesn't usually smoke twice a day, but there are some exceptions.

Mukuro told her she hadn't known. That's good, isn't it? Then why? Why is she feeling such dread?

She takes another drag, blowing out the smoke. It doesn't manage to make her less anxious.

What did Mukuro want to tell her afterwards, before she stopped herself?

Mukuro's voice echoes in her mind, and Sayaka remembers that conversation they'd had back during the early stages of their friendship.

_"I've killed people."_

It's what soldiers do, right? But Mukuro wasn't a soldier... she was a terrorist. And...

_"I coped just fine. I never questioned my orders once. I never cared."_

"What did you mean by that, Mukuro?" Sayaka whispers. But it's obvious isn't it? And now there isn't the convenient excuse of Mukuro merely doing what their country told her to.

_"Why would you want to be friends with a murderer?"_

"They- those terrorists made you do it. You just think you didn't care. Or- or you feel guilty and that's why you say that..." Sayaka rambles, not caring that her beloved isn't here right now.

_"You barely know anything about me, so don't act like you know what I'm capable of!"_

"I know you now." But does she? "Yes, I do! I know you're a wonderful person, Mukuro. I love you..."

_"There are things... things if you knew... you would hate me..."_

"No..."

_"You would hate me."_

... Would she?

"No!" Sayaka snaps, gripping her cigarette so tightly it might snap in half any moment. "I wouldn't! I don't believe any of that! How can I?! It's more complicated than that. I don't care what you say..."

She can't help but think of the much more recent conversation too.

_"I've killed so many people that it wouldn't matter how I felt about it."_

"You went numb after a while. It's... it's understandable..." Sayaka continues to argue with no one.

_"I don't regret anything."_

"I-I don't believe that. And even if you don't, you were still so young... who can blame you for shutting those memories out? For- for repressing your trauma..."

Sayaka remembers that question she asked during that conversation. It was supposed to be a rhetorical one.

_"So killing people is just that easy when it's someone you don't know? I don't-"_

And Mukuro's answer was just...

_"Yes."_

The word sounded so... matter of fact. Said utterly without remorse.

It made Sayaka angry. Not just at Mukuro, but also... also at herself. Because at that point... it was hard to convince herself that Mukuro didn't mean it. It just sounded so mercilessly honest. And she hated herself for doubting her beloved like this.

Because it just can't be true, can it? Mukuro is not a remorseless killer. Mukuro is nice, and loving, and she _cares_ so much...

Mukuro is all of those things, so how can Sayaka bring herself to believe that? Would Mukuro be able to kill people without a care in the world if she just didn't know them?

"Even... even if she could do that, she wouldn't just kill people for no reason." Sayaka reasons. "And... why- why should I blame her? She can't help how she feels." She nods, feeling more sure of herself now.

Even if Mukuro doesn't have much empathy for other people, does that automatically make her a bad person?

"No, it doesn't." Sayaka says quietly.

Memories flash in her mind.

Mukuro's guilt when she apologized to Aoi and Oogami for thinking she'd ruined their race.

Mukuro's relief when Sayaka told her Mikan would spend the summer holidays with Euphony Star at their studio instead of with her parents.

Mukuro's sincerity when she told Makoto what a good nurse he'd make.

And above all, Mukuro's happiness when Sayaka told her she respected her boundaries.

Like... she hadn't been familiar with that concept before that. She even cried...

Sayaka's heart aches.

How? How can Sayaka doubt that girl? How can she think of that girl as a cold-hearted terrorist? As a remorseless murderer?

"Mukuro, I'm sorry..."

It has to be complicated. It _has_ to be.

Sayaka finishes her cigarette. She smokes slowly, trying to free her mind.

She doesn't feel much better once she's done, but she's calmer.

Taking a deep breath, she takes out her phone and stares at Dad's number.

She never really knew how lucky she was, having a father like that. Of course she often thought about it, but after talking to Junko earlier... it feels more real to her. More important than ever.

And she has to think of Mukuro too. Her beloved's behavior when talking about her adoptive mother a while back... could it be she feels guilty for not being there, when her mom died?

What if Dad died? The chance to make up with him would be lost forever.

Sayaka bites her lower lip. She closes her eyes, thinks of how Mukuro would no doubt encourage her, and calls Dad.

_"Hello?"_

Her breath nearly hitches at how fast he picked up. She swallows. "H-Hey, Dad."

 _"Sayaka? Did they mail something of yours to me on accident again?"_ His confusion hurts her even more... but she utterly deserves it. She hasn't called him for any other reason in ages.

"No, I just..." Sayaka desperately wants to hang up, but that would make things even worse. "I just wanted to say hi."

_"... Oh. Uh, hi. How are you doing?"_

"I'm okay. I mean, I'm fine. Yeah." Sayaka closes her eyes, her cheeks burning with awkwardness and shame. "And you?"

 _"I'm okay, thanks."_ There is a slight pause, both of them trying to think of what to say. Dad manages to do so first. _"I heard Euphony Star is bringing out a new album soon."_

"Yeah, we are." Sayaka is glad she has something she can actually say some words about. "It's going pretty well. I think it's gonna be done by the end of August."

 _"You're working hard as always, I see."_ Dad says, and Sayaka isn't sure whether she imagines the disapproval in his voice or not. She probably is, but it's not like she could blame him for any disapproval.  _"How is school going? I mean, your grades are good, so... you make any friends?"_

"Yeah." Sayaka answers easily. "Yeah, I made some really good friends. One in particular. I, uh..." She hesitates, but decides to say it. "I wouldn't mind introducing you to her sometime."

Dad is quiet for a moment, probably in shock. He's never really met any of her friends.  _"That sounds good,"_ he agrees, his tone strangely reserved. It just makes her feel more guilty.  _"I'm glad you made such a good friend."_

"Her name is Ikusaba Mukuro. She's a bit reserved, but... she's nice once you get to know her. I really like her a lot." Sayaka murmurs. Feeling somewhat shy, she adds: "It'd be great if you two could get along."

 _"As soon as she ate my cooking, she'd love me. Reserved, huh? I didn't know you could make reserved friends."_ Dad teases. 

Sayaka giggles. "Well, she isn't reserved when it comes to _me_ anymore! I mean, she still is, but not as much." She suddenly has the urge to tell Dad about her feelings for Mukuro, but decides against it. She can't unload so much on him at once.

 _"Be patient with that poor girl though. Not everyone can keep up with you."_ Dad advises.

"I will, I will!" Sayaka assures him. Despite the call going well so far though, her anxiety is slowly beginning to overwhelm her. "H-Hey, Dad? I'd love to chat more, but our break is nearly done."

_"That's alright, sweetheart- err, sorry. I know you don't like when-"_

"No!" Sayaka nearly shouts. "No, you can call me that. Sorry that I made such a fuss over it." How petty it all feels in retrospect.

 _"Are you sure?"_  Dad asks. _"It's perfectly fine if you don't want to be called anything but your name."_

"I'm sure." Sayaka says. "... Thanks for worrying over that kinda stuff. It's... nice of you."

 _"It's the bare minimum for parents, Sayaka. You shouldn't thank me for that."_ Dad says. Sayaka smiles, somewhat bitterly. He may be right about that, but he'd be surprised by how many people can't even manage the bare minimum. It just proves that he's a great parent. _"Oh, sorry, you said you had to leave. I don't want to keep you..."_

"Yeah... yeah, I should go." Sayaka mumbles. "Um, Dad? Do you mind if I call you again?" She cringes, and before she can stop herself the excuses start spilling from her mouth. "I'm sorry for not doing it before, but I've been so busy with school and Euphony Star and..."

 _"It's okay, Sayaka. I know you work very hard, and that you're busy because of that most of the time."_ Dad assures her, causing Sayaka to feel sick. He still treats her so kindly, when she doesn't deserve it. _"But... if you can make some time for your old man, I wouldn't mind."_

"I'll make more time in the future, Dad. I promise." Sayaka tells him.

_"If you're sure you have the time. Well, I'll let you get back to work now. Take care, sweetheart. I love you"_

"I'll talk to you soon, Dad." Sayaka feels tears burning in her eyes. "I-I love you too."

Sayaka turns off her phone and stuffs it into her pocket. She breathes slowly.

... This was even more difficult than she thought. However, she did it. She made the first step. And Dad... he accepted her. She always thought he would, yes, but now she knows for sure...

She needs to apologize to him, too. But not over the phone. That's for when they talk face to face.

The thought immediately causes her stomach to clench.

Sayaka reaches inside her pocket, pulling out the pack of cigarettes again. Now, though, looking at it... she feels ashamed of herself. She puts them back into her pocket. "I don't need you," she mutters. "I've never needed you." She still knows she won't give them up so easily though.

A sigh makes its way past her lips. Baby steps, right? Like Mikan and her confidence issues. The nurse had people to help her with them though.

Sayaka blinks. But she has someone too, doesn't she? Mukuro...

Even without her beloved knowing about it, the mere thought of Mukuro possibly encouraging her has given Sayaka enough strength to confront her fears. Well, okay, it wasn't _that_ simple. There were a lot of factors involved... but still. Mukuro was a big part of it.

Mukuro. Her Mukuro. Her beloved.

And that's who she doubted? That's who she thought of so... so _poorly_ just before?

Sayaka takes out her phone and types a message on Discord, not caring that Mukuro will probably only see it in a few hours.

 **kutekittenzpink:** i love you

* * *

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I swear, I wasn't trying to make it depressing! I'm sorry, it just happens!


	3. September

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My gf drew animal versions of Mukuro, Sayaka, and Junko this time: https://inacron.tumblr.com/post/172931813026 (they're all valid, except Junko who never is)
> 
> I hope you all enjoy this chapter!

* * *

When Sayaka sees Mukuro walking into the classroom after one and a half month of being apart from each other, she has to suppress the urge to jump into her arms and hug her in front of the entire class.

It's ridiculous, really. One and a half month isn't  _that_  long, and they've spoken to each other on practically every day. Still, video chatting and texting are different from actually seeing her beloved for real, different from being able to touch her.

Just the knowledge that she'd be able to hold Mukuro's hand if she wanted to gives Sayaka a lot of comfort already.

There is a short pause when their eyes meet. Then, slowly, Mukuro starts to smile and walks towards her.

Smiling as well, Sayaka gets up from her seat. "Welcome back, Mukuro!" She chirps. "You and Junko-chan arrived just yesterday evening, right? I hope you got enough sleep!"

"Junko-chan and I are both fine," Mukuro says. "It's good to see you, Sayaka. I-"

"Mukuro-chan, you're back!" Sayaka hears Aoi shout. She turns to the side just in time to watch the swimmer bolt up from her seat and more or less jump on top of Mukuro in an attempt to hug her.

It'd probably knock most people down -- Sayaka knows that from experience -- but her beloved isn't the Ultimate Soldier for nothing. Mukuro catches Aoi with ease, never losing her smile. If anything, it's become a little brighter. "Good morning, Aoi-san." She tells the energetic swimmer casually, as if she wasn't holding her bridal style right now. Sayaka can't help but feel jealous that someone else is taking the position  _she_  wants to be in, but feels very petty about that thought.

"How was Europe?! Did you see a lot of cool stuff?! Did you eat a lot of European food?! Did you bring me any souvenirs?!" Aoi rattles down her questions in quick succession.

"Aoi-chan, you need to let her breathe!" Sayaka scolds. She spots Makoto walking towards them out of the corner of her eye, gives him a wink, then adresses Aoi again. "Besides, we've chatted with Mukuro almost every day! You already know most of this stuff."

"It's different in real life!" Aoi protests, pouting at Sayaka while still in Mukuro's arms. "And I forgot most of it already, so I gotta ask again!"

"Welcome back, Mukuro-san." Makoto greets, appearing next to Mukuro, visibly holding back a yawn.

"Good morning, Makoto-kun." Mukuro returns the greeting. She looks back to Aoi, then to Sayaka. "I did bring all of you souvenirs. I will give them to you during lunch break."

"Aw, I've missed spending lunch together!" Aoi laments. Her eyes light up, sadness forgotten. "Wait, you did? Oh, gimme!"

"She said during lunch break, Aoi-chan." Sayaka points out. "Geez, don't be so greedy."

"You didn't have to get me anything, Mukuro-san..." Makoto protests weakly, scratching his cheek.

"I wanted to." Mukuro simply says. "I hope you all like it."

"I'm sure we will!" Sayaka assures her sincerely. The mere thought of Mukuro getting her a present is enough to make her happy already, which is why it doesn't really matter what the present actually is. She's hoping for a plushy though. She's actually gotten a wolf plushy for Mukuro, and is pretty curious how her beloved will react to it. She'll only give it to her once they're both alone though.

Unfortunately, the teacher takes this moment to enter the classroom, cutting their reunion short. At least it gets Mukuro to finally set Aoi down, but getting interrupted like this is still pretty annoying.

Well, they can chat more during lunch break later. It's better too, since Mikan will be there with them.

The classes pass in a flash, and soon enough they're all sitting down on the roof together. Sayaka smiles as she watches how Mikan's face light up when she spots Mukuro. Mukuro's own gentle smile when she greets the nurse is a nice sight as well.

Komaeda has accompanied Mikan today, so Mukuro picks up a third bench and puts it down near the two others, since six people on just two benches would feel a little cramped. Sayaka watches with amusement as Komaeda keeps apologizing for making her beloved go through that miniscule effort. Mukuro, meanwhile, ignores him completely.

After that's done, Mukuro sits down next to Sayaka on the bench opposite of the one Makoto and Aoi are sitting on, while Mikan and Komaeda sit down on the third bench.

"It's cool how we're all together again!" Aoi declares, piling up a distressing amount of baked goods next to her. Sayaka suspects she's trying to make up for all the lunches they've missed. "It feels like it's been... months!"

"It  _has_  been almost two months," Sayaka points out, taking a bite of her avocado toast, which she'll definitely never get sick of.

"Geez, you know what I mean!"

"It's great to be eating lunch with everyone again. It- It's the best part of the day for me." Mikan says, meekly stirring her salad. She looks around, worried. "I hope that's not- not an embarrassing thing to say..."

"No, it's the same for me!" Makoto assures their nervous friend. He sucks on the straw sticking out of that milk box he always brings for lunch, then adds: "Having lunch together is always great! Right, guys?" He asks, probably to validate poor Mikan and make her feel better.

"It is." Mukuro replies. She takes a huge bite out of the MRE sandwich she's brought. The fact that she actually finds that piece of cardboard posing as a sandwich tasty is something that never fails to baffle Sayaka.

"I'm happy whenever I can be here! It almost feels like having friends!" Komaeda comments cheerfully, scooping up some of his salad with his fork. It's the same one Mikan has, meaning the nurse most likely made it for him like she's done plenty of times before.

"Don't be silly, Komaeda-senpai. Of course you're our friend!" Sayaka tells him. "And I agree with Mikan-san and Makoto-kun. Lunch break is always fun when we're all together!"

"Comes right after swimming!" Aoi agrees.

"Of course, it wasn't always like this. A long time ago it was just Aoi-chan and me.  _Now_  I'm a much bigger fan of lunch break!" Sayaka chirps.

"You're so mean to me!" Aoi exclaims, scandalized. "Just 'cuz I ate too much of your dumb avocado toast a couple of times... it's not like I make a habit out of it!"

"... You did eat half of my sandwich that one time when you said you'd just take a small bite, Aoi-san." Makoto reminds her.

"Aw, come on!"

"What about that time you ate half of my MRE sandwich when you asked for a taste? I was only looking away for ten seconds." Mukuro mentions.

"I'm an athlete! I need the energy!"

"If we didn't tell you to stop doing it, you'd still be stealing all of Komaeda-senpai's lunch!" Sayaka accuses.

"It wasn't stealing! Komaeda-senpai said it was okay to eat it." Aoi argues. She gives the boy in question an intense look. "Right, Komaeda-senpai?! That's what you said!"

"Of course, Asahina-san!" Komaeda answers. "In fact, you can have all of my salad right now if you want!"

"I can?" Aoi practically starts drooling. "Don't mind if I do!"

"W-Wait!" Mikan squeaks. " Komaeda-san needs to follow his meal plan. He- he has to eat the salad." She twiddles her thumbs together, probably anxious from displaying so much assertiveness. "Um, you can have my salad instead, Aoi-chan..."

"I think Aoi-san has enough food already." Mukuro interjects before Aoi can snatch the salad out of Mikan's hands, giving the pile next to the swimmer a flat look.

Aoi pouts. "It's not like I'm greedy," she lies blatantly. "I just really like Mikan-san's salads!"

There's a general murmur of agreement among them. Mikan blushes, and Sayaka gives her a wink. "My bandmates had a tough time letting Mikan-san go," she says. "They got too spoiled with all those tasty salads."

"I can't imagine spending so much time with Sayaka-chan in the same building! Sorry you had to go through that, Mikan-chan!" Aoi tells the nurse gravely.

Sayaka huffs. "What was that about  _me_  being mean, Aoi-chan?"

Aoi sticks out her tongue at Sayaka. "You totally deserved that."

"The holidays were a lot of fun." Mikan says. "Sayaka-san's bandmates were all very kind to me..."

"More or less!" Sayaka adds, thinking of Yukari.

"They are! Nana-san helped Mikan-san text me assignments," Makoto mentions. "Thanks again for that, Mikan-san!"

Aoi makes a face. "Homework over the holidays? How is that a good thing?"

"If I want to become a nurse, I'll have to work hard." Makoto answers.

"Makoto-kun did- did a great job with those assignments. Nana-san and I were really impressed..." Mikan compliments.

"Thanks!"

"Being tutored by the Ultimate Nurse herself..." Komaeda sighs. "No matter what you say about not deserving to be here, you truly are an Ultimate Lucky Student, Naegi-kun!"

"Uh... thanks, Komaeda-senpai!"

"Does that mean you've fully decided to become a nurse?" Mukuro asks.

Makoto scratches his cheek. "I think so, yeah..."

"It really fits!" Sayaka reaches over and ruffles his hair affectionately, taking delight in how embarrassed his face gets as she does so. "I hope it'll work out for you!"

"With someone smart like Mikan-chan teaching him, there's no way Makoto is gonna fail!" Aoi states.

"I agree." Mukuro says.

"I have faith in both Tsumiki-san and Naegi-kun!" Komaeda supplies.

Their two complimented friends both blush profusely. "Thanks, guys," Makoto replies. Wisely, he decides to change the topic. "So, um, Sayaka-san and Mikan-san had fun during the holidays. What about the rest?" He laughs weakly. "I mostly spent it watching cat videos and sleeping."

"Oh, you were sleeping, alright!" Aoi snickers. "Did I tell all of you yet? Komaru-chan sent me a pic of Makoto sleeping in his hoodie! Sleeping with your hoodie on is weird already, but how can you do that in the middle of August! You must've been sweating buckets!"

"I was really tired!" Makoto argues. "And you said you wouldn't tell anyone, Aoi-san!"

"Oh... oops..."

"Hoodies are cool!" Sayaka defends her unlucky friend. "I took a nap in a hoodie too at least once during August. Granted, we have air conditioning at the studio..."

"There's something wrong with you both!" Aoi shudders. "Next you'll tell me you sleep with jeans on! Or a hat! Or socks!"

"Um... I sleep with socks on..." Mikan mumbles.

Aoi gasps, betrayed. "Mikan-chan! Why?!"

"My- my feet get cold!" Mikan wails.

"I've slept with both socks and shoes on." Mukuro mentions.

"I can't believe this! I had faith in  _you_  most of all Mukuro-chan, but you're even worse than the others!" Aoi sighs. "Guess you and me are the only normal people here, Komaeda-senpai."

"Ah, actually I sleep with my socks on too sometimes." Komaeda says apologetically.

Aoi groans. "I give up! Wait, what were we talking about before this?"

"Makoto-kun was asking how your holidays went." Sayaka reminds her.

"Oh, right! It was great! Sakura-chan and I broke so many records I lost count." Aoi's brows furrow. "Well actually. I didn't count them to begin with, but whatever! I also taught Yuta how to be a better swimmer, 'cuz Mikan-chan said something about how you should share your genius. Right, Mikan-chan?!" She asks, giving the nurse a thumbs up.

"R-Right!" Mikan gives the swimmer a thumbs up as well, slightly diminished by the trembling of her hand.

"How were your holidays, Komaeda-senpai?" Makoto asks.

"I was wondering that too!" Sayaka says. "You cut it pretty close, Komaeda-senpai. You arrived even after Mukuro and Junko-chan did!"

Komaeda smiles. "It's kind of a long, boring story... I'll try to make it short! Basically, I won a trip to America and travelled around for a bit. Then I was kidnapped!" He chuckles under his breath. "That sure was unlucky! Ah, but then my kidnappers realized that there was nobody who could pay my ransom... so they kept me for a while without really knowing what to do. I got the idea to tell them to play the lottery and gave them whatever numbers were on my mind. After they became millionaires, they thanked me and let me go!"

There is an awkward silence after Komaeda's story. "... Geez, that was pretty lucky," Aoi eventually says. "Wouldn't it be more lucky not to be kidnapped to begin with though?"

"That's how my luck works, Asahina-san!" Komaeda gets a thoughtful look on his face. "My kidnappers were actually pretty nice, really. It wasn't nearly as unlucky as it could have been!"

"And you got released by them just the other day?" Sayaka frowns. She's glad he's okay, but his nonchalance about the whole thing is more than a little concerning. Could it be he's just used to that sort of thing?

"That's right, Maizono-san! I'm still pretty excited!"

"Uh... does this happen a lot?" Makoto asks.

"Hmm. I wouldn't say a lot, but it's not rare either."

"I-I'm really glad you're okay, Komaeda-san!" Mikan mumbles, awkwardly patting his shoulder.

"Don't worry about me, Tsumiki-san! My luck may be chaotic, but I'm usually not hurt by it." Komaeda assures her. It doesn't seem to help much, as Mikan looks even more anxious after his words. Sayaka wonders why they're still calling each other by their last names when they've been friends for over three months now, but then again... she can't really see either Mikan or Komaeda asking the other if it's okay to be on first name basis.

"Next time someone demands a ransom, just tell them to contact me." Mukuro tells the boy.

"I couldn't possibly ask any of you to pay a ransom for me!" Komaeda protests.

Mukuro looks at him flatly. "I wouldn't pay the ransom. I would come save you, obviously."

Sayaka smiles. Though she'd be more touched by Mukuro's words if her beloved didn't sound vaguely annoyed saying them.

Komaeda is still not done protesting, however. "You shouldn't have to go through the effort for my sake, Ikusaba-san!"

"Don't be ridiculous, Komaeda-san." Mukuro says, sounding close to sighing in exasperation. "Besides, it would be a good opportunity to test my skills."

"If it helps you out, then I don't mind if you rescue me!" Komaeda replies, immediately changing his tune.

"We should all go!" Sayaka almost believes she can see the light bulb above Aoi's head as the swimmer speaks. "Like, it could be our own adventure! I'm the leader, obviously. Mukuro-chan is my right hand girl!"

"If anything,  _I'm_  the leader! I'm already leading a band! " Sayaka argues, deciding to play along with Aoi's ridiculous idea. "Or why isn't Mukuro the leader? She already has experience with that stuff!"

"I'm the leader, 'cuz I had the idea!" Aoi insists. "You can be our singer, Sayaka-chan!"

"Why would a rescue team need a singer?!"

"I dunno! It's... uh... moral support is really underrated! Anyway, Mikan-chan is our nurse. And Makoto is..." Aoi's face visibly scrunches up in confusion. "Makoto is... well, someone has to carry the snacks!"

"Hey...!" Comes Makoto's half-hearted protest.

"I really don't need a team. It's better for you all to stay back." Mukuro says. Sayaka is surprised she's playing along with Aoi's nonsense. Well, either that, or she assumes they're all serious.

"B-But I can't just sit there while Komaeda-san needs rescuing..." Mikan mumbles, surprisingly enough. Sayaka would have thought she'd stay curled up in her room rather than joining any rescue missions. She feels kinda bad for assuming that now.

"Yeah! We can't let you do this alone, Mukuro-chan!" Aoi declares heroically.

"Maybe we should call the police instead?" Makoto brings up hesitantly.

"The police!" Aoi scoffs. "The police is useless! The only good thing about them is that they love doughnuts!"

"I think you're mistaking those bad American TV shows for real life again, Aoi-chan." Sayaka comments.

"I'm really lucky, to have all these Ultimates working together to save me!" Komaeda's face falls right after he says that. "Ah, I really hope I get kidnapped again soon..."

"Geez, Komaeda-senpai! We were just kidding!" Sayaka assures him, or at least tries to. He might be disappointed by that, for all she knows.

"Yeah, we were." Aoi says, the disappointment in  _her_  voice plain as day.

"I wasn't sure myself, but I'm glad to hear it..." Makoto mutters. Sayaka almost wants to chastise him for his lack of faith in her.

"Thank goodness..." Mikan breathes out in relief. Sayaka is glad to see her earlier assumption about the nurse's cowardice wasn't so far off the mark after all. Although it's less cowardice and more common sense, really.

"I wasn't joking about coming to rescue you by myself though." Mukuro tells Komaeda. Before he can respond, possibly to protest again, she speaks up in a louder voice. "I brought souvenirs from Europe, everyone. I hope you will like it." She puts her school bag on her lap and reaches inside.

"Ohh, what is it? What is it?!" Aoi asks, just short of jumping off the bench and wrestling Mukuro's school bag from her.

"I had the idea when I was buying a stuffed animal for Sayaka. I thought it would only be fair if I bought one for everyone else too." Mukuro mumbles. She takes out a cat plushy. "For you, Sayaka."

With a delighted smile, Sayaka takes it. The thought that both of them have gotten a plushy for the other is a nice one, though she still wants to give hers to Mukuro when they're both alone. "Thanks, Mukuro! Pinky is gonna be glad to have a new roommate!" She chirps. The cat is about Pinky's size, black and white, and very soft. She puts it next to the other plushy in her breast pocket. She makes a mental note to snap a picture of the cat and send it to Dad later.

"I'm glad you like it." Mukuro pulls out a snake plushy next. "For you, Mikan-san."

Mikan takes it. She looks at the snake -- green, with a comically long forked tongue sticking out of its mouth, and a bit bigger than the cat -- for a moment, and then giggles. "Thank you, Mukuro-san." She says, pressing the snake to her chest.

Mukuro, looking very satisfied with that reaction, reaches inside her school bag for a third time. She pulls out a dog plushy. "For you, Makoto-kun."

"Thanks, Mukuro-san!" Makoto holds up the dog after taking it, giving it a searching look. Sayaka doesn't know what kind of dog that's supposed to be, but it's pretty long. And brown, but that doesn't mean anything. "That's a Dachshund, isn't it? It's really cute!"

"It is." Mukuro affirms. The fourth plushy she pulls out is... a weird looking pink thing. "For you, Aoi-san."

"A blobfish! Thanks, Mukuro-chan!" Aoi exclaims, delighted. Sayaka has no idea what a blobfish is, but Aoi apparently does. The body has a bubblegum pink color, while the lips stand out by being a very hot pink. It looks pretty ugly, but she supposes the ugliness is kind of charming... it's so ugly it loops back around to being cute.

Mukuro reaches inside her school bag, for the fifth and presumably last time. She pulls out a ladybug plushy. "For you, Komaeda-san."

Komaeda blinks. "Ah, you thought of even me? That's so considerate of you, Ikusaba-san! How can I ever repay your kindness?!"

"Taking it would be a start."

"Sorry!" Komaeda takes the ladybug with a bright smile. It's even smaller than Sayaka's new cat. "That's one of the nicest gifts I've ever gotten! Thanks a lot, Ikusaba-san!"

"They all look pretty high quality." Sayaka notes. "I hope you didn't pay too much, Mukuro!"

"Money isn't a problem. Don't worry about it, Sayaka." Mukuro responds. She looks around, trying to take in everyone's reactions. "Do you all like them?"

"They're amazing!" Sayaka answers. "Right, guys? We love them!" Everyone is quick to agree with her, in varying degrees of loudness. Or more accurately, only Aoi is loud about her approval, though the others are no less sincere about it.

Mukuro looks very happy with everyone's approval, which in turn makes Sayaka very happy as well. It's moments like this one that remind her of why she loves that girl. Granted, buying everyone stuffed animals isn't exactly the apex of niceness, but it still shows that Mukuro cares a lot. And the fact that she got one for Komaeda, who she never cared much for, just shows how considerate she is as well.

Sayaka regards all of her friends with a smile. She really has missed spending lunch break with all of them. Mukuro in particular, yes, but the others too. Aoi, Makoto, Mikan... even Komaeda.

As lunch break continues, Mukuro tells them about Junko's and her's tour across Europe, though soon the conversation turns into random, unpredictable directions as it always does, mostly because of Aoi.

When lunch break is over, Sayaka is almost sad. However, her mood improves again when she thinks about how Mukuro and her are gonna talk after classes alone.

Because as much as she loves her friends, what she loves even more is having Mukuro all to herself.

 

-

 

"Can I hug you?"

Sayaka barely stops herself from cringing at her own question. Asking that as soon as the door to her room closes might come across as a little too desperate.

"Yes, of course." Mukuro answers.

Wrapping her arms around Mukuro, a slow smile makes its way on Sayaka's face. It should have been obvious her beloved wouldn't mind, really. "I've missed you lots," she murmurs into Mukuro's ear. "Even though we were talking to each other every day. I'm pretty ridiculous, huh?"

"If you are, so am I." Mukuro mumbles, hugging her back with practiced care. "I've missed you too, Sayaka."

"We're both ridiculous, then!" Sayaka pulls back, giggling. "I'm gonna make us some tea!"

"Sure."

Pulling out her two favorite cups -- both of them with a big treble clef on the front -- Sayaka looks over her different types of tea. "I'm gonna make oolong tea. Is that okay with you, Mukuro?"

"Sure."

"You're always so agreeable!" Sayaka teases.

A part of her wants to make green tea, since it's Mukuro's favorite, but it's time for a bit more variety! Besides, her beloved would have to be seriously messed up not to like oolong tea.

After the tea is done brewing, they both sit down with their respective cups. "Tell me how it is, will you?" Sayaka asks, blowing on the hot liquid.

Mukuro takes a careful sip. "It's fine." She says.

"Aww, not better than green tea?"

"No."

Sayaka pouts. "Shame! I'll find something better eventually, though. I promise."

"Don't make promises you can't keep." Mukuro tells her in a flat tone.

"I never do! I promise you won't leave this room without getting another hug!" Sayaka declares. "Do you think I'm gonna keep that one?"

"... Maybe."

Sayaka smirks. Embarrassing Mukuro in real life is much more satisfying than doing it through a screen. She takes a blissful sip of her tea, then flutters her eyelashes at her beloved. "What about a kiss?"

Mukuro's cheeks noticeably grow pink. "Maybe..."

"Alright, alright, I'll take mercy on you!" Sayaka laughs. It's been two months since they first kissed and Mukuro still gets so embarrassed over it. It's cute. Of course, she can feel her own face warming a bit as well, but still... Mukuro is way worse about it! "Anyway, thanks again for the plushy!"

"Do you really like it?" Mukuro asks, almost shyly. "You said one time you want a cat that's black and white, so I thought..."

"You remembered that?" Sayaka can feel her heart leap. She just assumed the color was a coincidence, but... of course Mukuro would remember it. Her beloved is an absolute sweetheart, after all. "Of course I love it, Mukuro! It's such a cute present."

Mukuro's lips quirk upwards. "I'm glad. Do you think the others did as well?"

"Everyone's said so, haven't they?" Sayaka hums thoughtfully. "I'm curious what you were thinking when buying each one though. I'm pretty obvious, I love cats!"

"Cats are Makoto-kun's favorite animals as well, but I thought it would be awkward if you both got one. He really likes dogs too, so I went for that instead." Mukuro explains.

"What about Aoi-chan's... blobfish?" Sayaka asks. "I don't even know what that is!"

"I was going to get a shark for Aoi-san, but they didn't have any. They had a blobfish though. She told me she's annoyed how people think blobfish are ugly one time."

Sayaka almost feels bad now for calling the thing ugly in her head, but she's mostly confused. "Wait, they had that pink monstrosity, but no sharks? That's weird... anyway, why a snake for Mikan-san?"

"I didn't know what animals Mikan-san likes," Mukuro says. "But snakes are associated with medicine sometimes. I thought it was fitting."

"That makes sense! And I'm guessing a ladybug for Komaeda-senpai, 'cause they represent good luck in a lot of cultures." Sayaka concludes. "I'm surprised you got something for him at all!"

"It would have been awkward not to get him anything. Mikan-san might have gotten upset if I hadn't..." Mukuro frowns at the thought.

Sayaka giggles. "I really shouldn't find this as cute as I do! Did you get something for Junko-chan too?"

"Yes, a bunny. Junko-chan really likes teddy bears, but I thought I would try something new."

"Did she like it?"

Mukuro looks conflicted at the question. "I think so. She said so, but I hope she won't get bored of it too soon."

"Who'd ever get bored of bunnies? Oh, before I forget! I got you something too." She rifles around in her school bag for a moment. With a bright smile, she presents Mukuro with the wolf plushy she's been meaning to give to her. "How do you like it?"

Mukuro blinks at the plushy, before taking it and holding it awkwardly in front of her. "Thank you, Sayaka." She mumbles.

"Do you not like it?" Sayaka asks, nibbling on her lower lip. "I guess you don't really seem like the type to like plushies..."

"No, it's fine. I was just surprised, that's all." Mukuro answers, looking rather embarrassed all of a sudden. She puts the wolf into her school bag. "Stuffed animals are decoration, right? I'm sure I can find a place for it in my room somewhere."

"I hope you'll treat your wolf with care! You two are a pack now, you know?" Sayaka giggles at her own joke. "Ae you gonna name her? I've already decided on a name for the cat. I'm gonna call her Momo! Oh, give me a moment!"

She takes out her new cat plushy and makes a picture of it with her phone, which she sends to Dad afterwards, accompanied with a short text.

 **Sayaka:**  a new member of the maizono family. please welcome momo :3

"I had to show my Dad, sorry!" Sayaka tells Mukuro.

"It's fine, Sayaka. Momo is a nice name."

"Thanks! I-" Sayaka is interrupted by the sound of her phone. Dad's written back surprisingly fast. She looks at the message, and snorts softly in amusement. "Give me a second!"

 **Dad:**  Tell her hi from me :3

 **Sayaka:**  youre way too old to be using the cat face, dad!!! but i will...

 **Dad:**  You are never old enough to do the cat face >:3

Sayaka smiles at her beloved apologetically. Sitting there while other people text each other is always annoying, but she didn't want to forget about sending this to him. "Sorry about that, Mukuro! My Dad's being a dad."

"I see." Mukuro says, obviously not seeing it at all. "Are you close with your father?"

"Yeah." Sayaka answers, relieved that she doesn't have to give an awkward answer to that question anymore. "My Dad's the best. I'd love if you two met each other!"

Mukuro gets a nervous look on her face. Sayaka can't blame her -- meeting the parents of one's pseudo girlfriend sounds pretty awkward. "I suppose I wouldn't mind." She mumbles.

"Don't worry, I didn't mean anytime soon!" Sayaka assures her. It's probably best to change the topic before it gets more awkward. "So, how about that name for your wolf!"

"I'm not sure about a name..."

"I'm sure you'll think of something! If not, _I_  can name her!" Sayaka offers, excited at the prospect. She'll pick out an extra embarrassing name for sure.

"... I think I can name her after all," Mukuro says dryly, probably wise to Sayaka's idea. "I'm just going to have to think about it a little."

"Geez, rude. I was only trying to help too." Sayaka lies, sighing dramatically.

Apart from some light chatter, they drink their tea in mostly silence for a while, simply enjoying each other's company. Soon though, a question comes to Sayaka's mind.

"Hey Mukuro, i've been wondering... where's Junko-chan? Did she seriously cut class on the first day of school?"

"Junko-chan was in a really bad mood earlier today. She didn't feel like attending class." Mukuro mumbles. "I was trying to make her feel better, but..."

Sayaka gives her a sympathetic look. "I'm sure you tried your best, Mukuro. Give Junko-chan my regards, okay? I hope she'll feel better soon."

"I will." Mukuro gets an odd, faraway look on her face. "I think I decided on a name for the wolf."

"Oh?" Sayaka feels her brows raising at the suddenness of the words. "What did you decide?"

"Lupa," Mukuro says. "It's Latin and means 'female wolf'."

Sayaka smiles. "Well, that fits! It's not like plushies have a gender, but I think of mine as girls anyway for some reason. Don't ask why!" She tilts her head curiously. "Why'd you pick that name though? Any reason other than it's fitting?" 

"I had a... a dog once." Mukuro mentions. "Her name was Lupa."

"What did she look like?" Sayaka asks, feeling simulatenously sad and excited. Sad, because judging from the way Mukuro put that the dog is either dead, ran away, or some other bad thing. Excited, because she's always eager to learn more about her beloved's past. She also wonders what exactly happened to Lupa, but she's sure she wouldn't like the answer to that.

"She looked a lot like a wolf," Mukuro answers. "She was really smart. And strong. And loyal."

A part of Sayaka wants to ask what happened to her, but she doesn't want to be insensitive. Instead she says: "It sounds like she was a great dog."

"She was." Mukuro agrees. After a slight pause, she mumbles: "I miss her."

"Oh, Mukuro..." Sayaka murmurs. "Do you want a hug?" When she receives a nod as an answer, she doesn't waste any time in embracing her beloved, who promptly hugs her back. They stay like this for a while, until Sayaka decides to lighten the mood. "Looks like I fulfilled my promise from earlier about hugging you again." She lowers her voice and looks into her beloved's eyes. "What about that kiss?"

"... Okay." Mukuro answers, and kisses her. Sayaka lets out a muffled squeak in surprise, taken aback by the suddenness. Her beloved immediately pulls back, looking worried. "Are you okay, Sayaka? I'm sorry, were you just kidding about the kiss...?"

"No, no, you just startled me!" Sayaka assures her. She's glad Mukuro is already feeling better about her dog, but that was rather abrupt. "Geez, I didn't know you could be that assertive! I'm proud, really."

"I can be assertive." Mukuro protests, not far from sounding childish.

"Sure, sweetie." Sayaka kisses her nose, giggling when Mukuro's entire face reddens. "You're adorable!"

"And you're making fun of me." Mukuro accuses with a scowl that looks alarmingly similiar to a pout.

"A little," Sayaka admits. "But I really mean it. You're the cutest!" She sighs fondly. "Geez, I've really missed you."

"More like missed teasing me." Mukuro mutters. "... I've missed you too."

"We're repeating ourselves!"

"You did it first."

"Talking  _back_  to me?" Sayaka asks, mock-offended. "Is that really smart when you could be kissing me instead?"

Mukuro blushes. "Is it really okay if we do?"

"What do you think?" Sayaka presses her forehead against Mukuro's. She puckers her lips, making kissing noises all the while. "I'm waiting, Mukuro!"

"You're teasing me again." Mukuro mumbles. "... I'm going to kiss you now."

"I'm waiting!"

"... Is it really okay-"

"Yes!" Sayaka all but shouts in her face. "Geez, will you kiss me already?!"

Mukuro doesn't waste any time after that, pressing her lips firmly against Sayaka's.

Sayaka sighs happily as she kisses her beloved for the first time in almost two months. A part of her was worried that Mukuro wouldn't want to kiss her after returning. That she'd want to... freeze their relationship for the time being. Honestly, they probably  _should_  do that until they've talked to each other about their pasts, but...

It's hard to resist. And while Mukuro clearly doesn't have the softest lips on the planet, they still feel soft anyway. Possibly because Mukuro is so gentle with her. Sayaka isn't sure how much sense that makes... probably none at all. It doesn't matter. She just likes kissing her beloved, who is treating her with such love and care.

Sayaka pulls back slightly. "Hey, Mukuro?" She murmurs softly, intertwining their hands with each other.

Mukuro's lips seem to tremble. "Y-Yes?" She asks, her voice barely above a whisper.

"I love you."

For a moment, Mukuro doesn't reply and Sayaka gets scared. Then, however, she answers. "I love you too."

With her heart thumping wildly in her chest, Sayaka kisses Mukuro again, in a more forceful manner this time. When she feels her beloved's fingers digging ever so slightly into her back, she can't help but groan into Mukuro's mouth.

Sayaka presses herself closer against Mukuro, until she's nearly on her beloved's lap. The fingers dig a little deeper... and Sayaka suddenly realizes this may be going a bit too fast. She pulls back, trying to catch her breath. "... Too much?" She asks Mukuro.

Again, Mukuro doesn't reply for a moment, but unlike before she almost looks afraid. "... Too much," she mutters eventually. "I'm sorry, Sayaka."

"Don't say sorry!" Sayaka tells her. She remembers that conversation about sex they had a while ago quite well. "Really, Mukuro. I mean it. Please don't hesitate to speak up if we're moving too fast, okay? It's really fine." She feels a sudden flash of shame. "Did I push you? I'm really sorry if I did!"

"No." Mukuro says immediately. "You didn't, Sayaka. Thank you for... for asking." She glances aside. "And thank you for worrying too. It really means a lot to me..."

"Your boundaries are important to me, Mukuro." Sayaka squeezes her beloved's hands reassuringly. "Don't ever feel bad for saying something, okay? I'm gonna pay attention too, I promise. The last thing I wanna do is make you uncomfortable. We really shouldn't be doing more than just kiss a tiny little anyway..." The words are reluctant, but Sayaka knows they need to be said.

Mukuro nods. "Is it..." She hesitates for a moment. "Is it okay if we just hold hands for a while?"

"Yes, absolutely." Sayaka gives Mukuro's hands another squeeze. "I could hold hands with you all day, sweetie."

"I like when you call me that..." Mukuro mumbles, blushing.

"I like calling you that, so that's good." Sayaka says softly. She leans against Mukuro, their foreheads touching again, their hands still intertwined with each other.

"Sayaka..." Mukuro exhales her name like a breath, a small smile on her face. "I love you."

"I love you too, Mukuro." Sayaka whispers back.

They silently stay like this for almost an hour, just leaning against each other.

Before all of this, Sayaka never would have thought she could feel that strongly about someone. To feel so strongly about someone that just sitting next to each other would be enough to make her feel that happy and peaceful. To miss someone so much after not even two months of being apart...

But now? Now she knows better. Now she has a girl called Ikusaba Mukuro sitting next to her, whom she feels all of these things for. And then some.

And even though the feelings can get too intense sometimes, so intense that they make her feel like she's suffocating...

Sayaka wouldn't want those feelings to be less intense for anything else in the world. They're proof of her love. They're proof that Ikusaba Mukuro is the most important person in her life, for her to make her feel like that.

... Mukuro really is the most important person in her life, isn't she? The thought is shocking, for some reason, even though it really shouldn't be, but it's not... unpleasant either. In fact, Sayaka feels like there are butterflies in her stomach at the thought. And while she feels a bit guilty to place Mukuro above Dad like this, she's sure he'd understand.

After all, Mukuro is her first love. That means a lot, doesn't it?

She wonders if she's the most important person in Mukuro's life as well. There's Junko, of course. Mukuro obviously loves her sister to pieces.

Does it really matter? Sayaka is almost ashamed of herself. She shouldn't want Mukuro to love her above everything else, should she? It's hard not to wish for it though...

"Hey, Mukuro?"

"Yes, Sayaka?"

The question is on her lips... but she can't ask it. She can't put Mukuro into that position.

(And she's afraid of the answer.)

So instead, Sayaka says something else. Something she'll never get sick of saying.

"I love you."

"I love you too."

__

* * *

 


	4. October

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry for being one day late with this, but my internet didn't work yesterday night so I couldn't post it until now! In exchange it's fairly long! (again) I hope you all enjoy it!
> 
> My gf drew all the stuffed animals Mukuro bought for her friends: https://inacron.tumblr.com/post/173425627426 (I like the blobfish in particular)

* * *

 

Pressing her back against the lime green chest-high wall they've just scrambled behind, Sayaka tries to get a read on their current predicament.

"At least ten enemies, around the pink pylons," she mutters out loud, more to herself than to the boy next to her. She sneaks a peek over the wall, though she doesn't see anyone, which could either be good or bad. "That's what I think, at least. What about you, Makoto-kun?"

"I thought it was a dozen, but I didn't really count them." Makoto says, a bit out of breath. "They were definitely behind the pink pylons though. Did you see where our squads went, Sayaka-san?"

"No. We must've been separated when the ambush hit us. Hopefully, most of them managed to stay together." Sayaka answers. She slowly stands up, pointing her gun at the pink pylons a couple of meters away. Not that it would do much good if Mukuro was among the squads that have ambushed them just now. "I think the enemy's retreated. Did you lose a life too?"

"Yeah. I think we all did." Makoto stands up as well. He isn't pointing his gun anywhere though, causing Sayaka to prod him into doing so. "Sorry, I've never played this before," he says, embarrassed. "You're taking this a lot more seriously than I thought you would, Sayaka-san."

Sayaka flashes him an impish smile, then goes back to scanning the area in front of her. "I don't like to lose, Makoto-kun. I mean, we're playing against Mukuro, so there's no way we're gonna win... but that doesn't mean we should go down without a fight! We're gonna make her work for it!"

Makoto lets out a short laugh. "I don't think she'll have to work very hard," he says. "But you're right! Let's try to find our squads and meet up with Aoi-san's squad. I hope she's having better luck than us."

"If she's going up against the Ultimate Soldier, I don't think any luck in the world can help her." Knowing her friend, Sayaka wouldn't be surprised if Aoi just waltzed into the middle of the playing field and dared Mukuro to come out and shoot her. Still, Aoi is pretty agile and fast. If there was anyone among them who had even just a tiny chance of besting Mukuro in this game, it'd be her.

"Is Aoi-san good at laser tag?" Makoto asks. "You two went here together right before the holidays ended, right?"

"Yeah, but we didn't play against Mukuro then. Aoi-chan was good, I guess? Honestly, I was the one who got everything done." Didn't stop Aoi from gloating over the losers though. Sayaka was feeling kind of embarrassed during that, really. If she was gloating over someone herself, she'd at least make sure she's earned the right to do that first. Not to mention most of them were just kids. "Anyway, let's move on, try to find our squads." She gestures him to move with her and, their guns pointed at the surroundings, slowly make their way through the area, trying to pick up their missing squad members.

As it turns out, everyone has indeed lost at least one life. And as far as everyone is concerned, they haven't managed to take any lives from even a single enemy. Not really surprising, Sayaka supposes, since the ambush went down pretty fast. Still disconcerting though. She'd be embarrassed of losing so pathetically to a bunch of kids -- and also Mikan -- but Mukuro _is_ the one instructing them. Not to mention that besides herself, Makoto, and Aoi, Sayaka's own team consists of pretty much just kids as well.

Being the unofficial leader of their team, Sayaka orders her's and Makoto's squads to move up, and tries her best to direct them according to how she thinks Mukuro would do it.

'Tries' being the keyword. About two minutes later, they're hit by another ambush and pretty much everyone loses another life, though at least this time they all manage to retreat together instead of being split up.

"We might as well just give up," One of the little boys on her squad laments after they've all gotten behind cover. "Why bother going up against big sis Ikusaba? There's no way we'll win."

"We can't win, no." Sayaka admits. "But we _can_ try to take one of Mukuro's lives, for once. Just one. That's basically winning!"

"How are we gonna do that though?" A little girl from Makoto's squad asks.

"Oh, I have an idea!" An even smaller girl -- probably the youngest one today -- from Sayaka's squad says, jumping up and down in excitement. "You're a super good idol, big sis Maizono! I bet you can uh... sing really loudly and it'll make everyone cover their ears and if you have to cover your ears you can't shoot 'cuz you're using your hands to cover your ears and...! And then we can...!" She gestures wildly with her gun. "Ya know!"

"That's really smart, but a loud noise like that would affect us too." When the tiny girl looks crushed at her response, Sayaka quickly adds: "That's a great idea for when we get into trouble though. I just scream my lungs out and you all run away!"

"If only we had earmuffs! Then the idea would be a foolproof way to defeat Mukuro-san, for sure!" Makoto adds as well, causing the tiny girl to look happy again. Sayaka shoots him a grateful look. She seriously doubts a loud noise would be all it takes anyway, but no point in mentioning that.

"Let's just improvise!" Sayaka suggests.

"Good idea!" Aoi agrees.

"Thanks." Sayaka blinks. "Wait, Aoi-chan?!" She turns her face left to look at her friend crouching next to her. "When did you get here? And from where?"

"Just now! And, left. Wait, I mean my left! The left I was in when I came over!"

"Our current right, then?" Sayaka asks, exasperated.

"Yeah! Anyway, my squad's dead so I thought I could come find you!" Aoi informs her cheerfully. "I mean, it not's like you're gonna get very far with just Makoto! You need someone like me around! Ya know, someone strong! And fast!"

"I'm standing right here, Aoi-san." Makoto mutters.

"Oh, hey Makoto! Sorry, I mistook you for one of the kids!"

"The worst part is you're not even trying to make fun of me..."

"I'm just gonna point out that Makoto-kun isn't the one who has lost his entire squad." Sayaka says, giving her energetic friend a disapproving look. "What happened, Aoi-chan?"

"Mukuro-chan happened! It's not my fault." Aoi sounds very insistent about that part, meaning it probably _is_ her fault. Mentioning that would probably be counterproductive though. "She's just really fast. I'm down to just one life too, ya know? I barely made it out alive, and I only did 'cuz I'm really fast too!"

"We're all down to just one life too. And- wait." Sayaka snorts. "Oh my God... you just left those poor kids behind to save yourself, didn't you?!" She suppresses a grin as the kids gasp in shock around her.

To her credit, Aoi at least looks a bit embarrassed. "Geez, what else was I supposed to do? Die with them?!"

Immediately, the kids start to whisper among themselves.

"Wow, she really did leave them!"

"Big sis Asahina is ruthless!"

"She probably trampled over them to get away too."

"I wouldn't be surprised." Makoto adds to that last comment in a quiet mutter.

"Hey, I can hear all of that, ya know?!" Aoi tells them, glaring at Makoto in particular.

"Look, everyone. None of that is important right now." Sayaka argues. "What's important is that we stick together and attack Mukuro. This is the last match of the day -- it's all or nothing."

"Probably nothing." Aoi comments.

Sayaka gives her friend a flat look. "Thanks, Aoi-chan."

"Don't mention it."

Suppressing an annoyed sigh, Sayaka makes a mental note to make herself sound more sarcastic in the future. "Anyway! Let's move out, everyone. We all stay together this time. Power in numbers! We can definitely do it!" She looks around at the kids, who are all staring back at her with hope sparkling in their eyes. It's too bad there's a ninety-nine percent chance they're going to be very disappointed. "No mercy, you hear me?!"

"No mercy!" Makoto echoes to reinforce her statement, though it sure sounds odd coming from _him_.

"No mercy!" The kids return with enthusiasm.

"We will fight for our freedom or die trying!" Aoi says loudly. Sayaka doesn't know how her words are relevant to the situation, but she supposes they're kinda motivational. "Today we'll fight for... uh... for the sharks!"

"... Yeah, what she said!" Sayaka allows. She might as well. "For the sharks!"

"For the sharks!" The kids scream.

"Okay everyone, from now on try to be quiet and follow me. We only have a chance if we get the drop on them. Let's go!" Sayaka jumps over the nearest wall -- mostly to look cool -- and carefully makes her way into the direction Aoi came from, where Mukuro supposedly is.

The kids thankfully obey her order to be as quiet as possible. As does Aoi, who was the only one Sayaka was actually worried about. When they reach a mostly empty space with some red triangles laying around, Aoi notifies her that this is where her squad was ambushed before.

Sayaka still doesn't know why she agreed to let Aoi lead a squad on her own, but that's something she can beat herself up over later.

She looks around, trying to think of a viable strategy. "Okay, so... Mukuro's team might be nearby. Makoto-kun, take your squad and use the wall on the opposite side as cover to move on. That way we'll surround the enemy if we ever actually get to see them."  
  
"Got it! You've heard Sayaka-san, guys." Makoto says, and crouch walks with his team behind the wall in question. Once he's arrived, he glances over to Sayaka, presumably waiting to be given a signal.

Sayaka motions him to move forward, then does the same gesture to her own squad. Before she's even taken ten steps, however, there's a yelp coming from behind her. She whirls aroud, and spots the vest of one of the kids at the rear flashing red. Meaning he's been shot.

As soon as Sayaka opens her mouth to give an order, Aoi, while bolting over the wall they've been using as cover and nearly kicking one girl in the face in the process, shouts: "We're under attack!"

"They're behind us!" The boy who's been shot informs them loudly.

"Hey, dead people can't talk!" A boy she can't see yells, presumably from Mukuro's team. He kind of sounds like Red, one of the regulars here.

"Everyone, follow me!" Sayaka orders, and jumps over the wall opposite of the one Aoi has bolted over. Aoi's instinct to immediately move wasn't bad, but she's moved into the direction of the empty space where there's next to no cover at all. Mukuro's team would pick them off easily there.

Another boy of their team gets eliminated before the rest follow Sayaka. That's the extent of their casualties though, for now. "How did they get behind us?!" The tiny girl from her squad asks.

"Mukuro must've told one of her squads to circle around and sneak up on us." Sayaka suggests.

"Two!" Another girl says. "Big bro Naegi's squad got totally wiped out! I saw all of their thingies go red before we left! That means big sis Ikusaba had one squad behind us and another behind them, right?"

"You're probably right." Sayaka says, groaning in frustration. Losing all of Makoto's squad is a hard blow. "Okay everyone, we just have to-"

"Whoa! Look!" The only boy left in her squad interrupts her. "They're hunting big sis Asahina!"

Sayaka glances into the direction the boy is staring, and sure enough there's Aoi employing some admittedly impressive jumps and turns to get away from the kids pursuing and firing at her. "We can shoot them while they're distracted with her!" She tells the kids. "We just need to move a bit closer."

They all quickly make their way to Aoi. Or, more accurately,  _try_ to, since Aoi is moving around like a frantic squirrel that can't find any trees to crawl up to. Eventually, they get lucky and their paths more or less collide with each other. Sayaka gives an order.

The enemies are fortunately too preoccupied with their hunt to react until after Sayaka's squad take a life away from each of them. Their squad leader, who she recognizes as Blue, one of the other regulars, abruptly orders her squad members to retreat instead of firing back. It's an unofficial rule not to shoot back after losing a life, since the ones who were shot are invincible for a short period of time, which would give them an unfair advantage.

"Thanks, guys! You really saved my butt!" Aoi says while sitting down and leaning against one of the red triangles in the empty space around them, a little breathless from all the running and jumping. "Now, let's hit them where it hurts! There's no way Asahina Aoi will lose!" Her vest flashes red right after her words leave her mouth. She looks down at her vest, blinking. "Aw, come on. Really?"

Sayaka frantically looks around, and spots Mukuro's team all around them. "We're surrounded!" She yells, trying to look for a way to escape. "Everyone, follow me- oof!" As soon she takes a step, she stumbles over Aoi's outstretched legs and falls on the floor.

She opens her eyes just in time to see the tiny girl in her squad lose her last life. Finally, she spots Mukuro just as she moves slightly out of cover to shoot the two final members of Sayaka's team. She also spots Mikan, who's more than just slightly peeking out of cover and also shooting non-stop at absolutely nothing while forcefully having her eyes shut. It'd be a funny image, but all Sayaka can think of is how pathetically her team has lost right now.

Though, when her eyes meet Mukuro's, Sayaka gets an idea. She still has a life left, courtesy of having fallen over. But... it's kind of a mean one. Should she really do this?

Moving out of cover completely, Mukuro walks towards her, gun squarely aimed at Sayaka's vest. "It wasn't a bad match, Sayaka," she says. "You're the last one alive out of your team. I'm going to end the match now, alright?" The amusement in her tone is obvious.

And it also seals the deal.

Sayaka whimpers. "Mukuro, I think I've sprained my ankle when I fell just now. It really hurts..." She whimpers again for emphasis.

Mukuro's eyes immediately flash in alarm. She lowers her gun, turning around slightly. "Mikan-san, please come here. Sayaka is-"

Grinning widely, Sayaka raises her own gun and promptly shoots a distracted Mukuro, taking one life away from the Ultimate Soldier for the first time ever. She laughs at the look of incomprehension on Mukuro's face when she turns back to her. "Sorry, Mukuro! Deception is part of war, isn't it? See, everyone?! We've done it!"

The kids in her team start cheering.

"Yay, big sis Maizono did it!" The tiny girl exclaims.

"That was so mean though! She totally took advantage of big sis Ikusaba's heart!" The other girl sounds almost scandalized.

"Big sis Maizono is totally sneaky!" The remaining boy agrees.

"I know, right? It's awesome!" Aoi cheers. "Way to go, Sayaka-chan!"

For her part, the incomprehension on Mukuro's face turns into something that's between a scowl and a pout. She raises her gun again and shoots Sayaka, taking her last life away. "You lost anyway," she says. "Taking one life away from me doesn't change anything."

"Not really, no! But... I want you to remember this day. I want you to remember the girl who has defeated you!" Sayaka boasts.

"You didn't though. I took a life away from you long before you returned the favor. That's two lives against one." Mukuro's voice almost has a childish quality to it. Maybe losing in something like this bothers her?

"I came closer than anyone else, then!" Sayaka stubbornly insists. "Right? Tell her, Aoi-chan!"

"Right! Sayaka-chan's totally outsmarted you, Mukuro-chan! Tell her, Makoto!" Aoi raises her head. "Hey, Makoto! Where are you?"

"I'm here!" Makoto says loudly, approaching them with his squad walking behind him. "What did I miss?"

"Sayaka-chan pretended to be hurt to take advantage of Mukuro-chan's concern for her and then killed her without mercy!" Aoi sighs dreamily. "It was awesome."

"Huh?" Makoto looks from Sayaka's slightly ashamed face to Mukuro's blank one. He scratches his cheek. "... That sounds kinda mean."

"Yeah! That's why it's awesome!" Aoi insists. "Ya see, guys?!" She says loudly, adressing the kids. "I told you all that Sayaka-chan was secretly evil!"

There's a general murmur of assent.

Sayaka pouts. "Hey! All's fair in love and war, isn't it?" Especially when there is both at once. Possibly. "And this _was_ war! I did what I had to do!" She adds. Most of these kids here know she's Maizono Sayaka, so it's not like she wants to imply that she's in love with Mukuro. It might have bad consequences.

They're all interrupted when someone's vest flashes red again. Curiously, they all look towards the source.

"I-I'm sorry! I shot myself by accident!" Mikan squeaks, fumbling with her gun and nearly tripping over her own feet as she's walking towards them. A few months back Sayaka would've been worried, but now she knows Mukuro will catch the nurse if she falls.

"... So!" Sayaka says, adressing the children around them. "Who wants ice cream?!"

The kids -- and Aoi -- yell their approval, while Mukuro catches Mikan, who, sure enough, has tripped over her feet.

 

-

 

The ice cream lady doesn't look terribly happy when they enter her parlor with about thirty kids in tow, but Sayaka thinks the happiness of the kids evens that out by a lot.

She doesn't mind buying them all ice cream, since she makes more than enough money as an idol, but she does raise her eyebrows when almost everyone gets three portions for themselves. She can't blame the kids for that though, considering it was Aoi who's ordered three portions for herself first, unlike her other three friends who've all ordered just one. And, well, they're kids! Of course they're gonna take advantage of something like that.

After she successfully convinces Mikan that buying her an ice cream cone wouldn't utterly bankrupt the entire Maizono family, she finally gets to sit down with all the other mostly adults -- the kids are all spread around on separate tables -- between Mukuro and Makoto.

"Ice cream in October is a bit weird." Makoto says as he scoops up some of his vanilla ice with his spoon. "I'm not complaining though, Sayaka-san!" He hastily -- and unnecessarily -- assures her. "It was really generous to pay for all of us!"

"Yesh! Ish wash!" Aoi's words are slightly muffled. Sayaka isn't surprised to see her friend's already stuffed her face with ice cream.

"I guess it's kinda weird, but it's pretty warm for this time of the year. By the way, you look like a chipmunk, Aoi-chan!" Sayaka scolds her. "At least swallow before talking. Geez."

Aoi does, and promptly pouts afterwards. "Don't be mean, Sayaka-chan! I was thanking you and all!"

"Sorry! You're welcome!" Sayaka tells her, glancing down at Aoi's ice cream flavors with slight disdain. "You're welcome even though that one flavor you've picked is seriously weird. I've never heard of gummy bear ice cream until now."

"It's amazing! You want some?"

"I'll pass."

"More for me!"

"I-I hope we didn't take too much money away from you, Sayaka-san." Mikan mumbles. She still hasn't started eating her ice cream, which is another weird flavor -- mint chocolate chip.

"Buying myself all this expensive juice costs me a lot more money, Mikan-san. Don't worry about it! Not to mention, I've already bought all the ice cream and it's not like we can return it. It'd be a real waste if it melted away, right? Your ice cream's melting, by the way." Sayaka teases.

Mikan squeaks in alarm. "You're right. I'm sorry!"

Sayaka's eyes focus on Mukuro, who's looking at her lemon ice with a thoughtful expression. "Something on your mind, Mukuro?" She asks.

"No, nothing." Mukuro answers. "Just thinking of the last time I had ice cream. It's been a while."

"What, we've never eaten ice cream together until now?" Sayaka asks, genuinely puzzled. "Huh, I guess we haven't! That's kinda weird!"

"Plenty of cakes though."

Sayaka giggles. "True! I hope that makes up for it!"

"Hey, consider!" Aoi pauses, presumably to make her following declaration more dramatic. "Cake with ice cream!"

"You just blew my mind, Aoi-chan!" Sayaka tells her, only half joking.

"I-I really like whipped cream along with cake." Mikan mentions. "Um, eat- eating too much of that is really unhealthy though..."

Sayaka moans. "I love whipped cream, Mikan-san! You're the nurse, so tell me... why are all the delicious things so unhealthy?"

"Well, there is actually a reason. It's not just that unhealthy food tastes better, it's- um!" Mikan cuts herself off and twiddles her thumbs, obviously embarrassed. "I'm sorry, Sayaka-san, I guess it was a rhetorical question?"

"Pretty much, yeah." Sayaka affirms. She shoots Mikan a bright smile so the poor girl doesn't feel bad. "But obviously you'd know all the details, Mikan-san! You're really smart!"

"Ehehe... I'm not..." Mikan protests weakly.

Aoi bristles, as if she's just been dealt a grave insult. "'Course you are, Mikan-chan! You're not just super smart, you're also super-"

"Guys!" Makoto interrupts, giving both Sayaka and Aoi a pointed look.

"Oh, right. The too many compliments thing." Aoi mutters. "Sorry, Mikan-chan!"

"Yeah, sorry!" Sayaka says, though she doesn't think she's been that bad about it.

"I-It's okay..." Mikan mumbles, obviously pretty happy with the compliments regardless.

"I've never eaten whipped cream before." Mukuro suddenly mentions.

Aoi gives her a horrified look. "You've never petted cats, you've never been in an amusement park, you've never visited an aquarium, you've never eaten whipped cream... geez, Mukuro-chan! Your life's pretty sad, ya know?"

"It is?" Mukuro questions, confused.

"Of course it isn't!" Sayaka argues. "How could it be? You have four wonderful friends that you're eating ice cream with right now! Okay, small correction... three wonderful friends and Aoi-chan."

"Sayaka-chan, you jerk!" Aoi swats her shoulder.

"You deserved that!" Sayaka fires back, and she kind of means it. Telling Mukuro her life is sad is pretty callous, though Aoi obviously didn't mean any harm. Fortunately, Mukuro hasn't taken offense. "Now, where were we? Cake with ice cream or whipped cream, right? I wonder what's better!"

"What about cake with _both_ ice cream and whipped cream?" Makoto suggests.

"Are you trying to torture me, Makoto-kun?" Sayaka asks him, one quarter joking. "It's like I'm a horse and you're dangling a carrot out of reach!"

"That's what it's like in horse hell, probably. A carrot just out of reach. Forever!" Aoi mentions, earning a couple of disturbed looks. "What?!"

"I-I don't want there to be a hell for horses..." Mikan sniffles, appearing genuinely concerned. And close to tears. Sayaka pats her shoulder sympathetically, giving an appropriately guilty looking Aoi a pointed glare.

"I didn't mean it, Mikan-chan!" Aoi assures the nurse. "I'm sure all horses are in heaven!"

"Where they have a lot of carrots!" Sayaka adds.

"Yeah! And, uh... horse shoes!" Makoto supplies.

"It wouldn't make any sense for there to be either heaven or hell for animals." Mukuro comments. "That's all based on morality and following a doctrine, right? Animals don't have a concept of morality and can't follow a doctrine."

"Mukuro is making a lot of sense!" Sayaka says. "But I still wanna think there's a heaven for animals." She sighs wistfully. "Once I go there, I'll be able to pet every cat who's ever died. My dream."

"I want to pet the poor dead cats too..." Mikan mumbles.

"I'm gonna pet the dead sharks!" Aoi states.

"I guess I'll pet any animal I come across." Makoto says. His eyes move between the girls as if he's waiting for anyone's approval, so Sayaka gives him a nod, after which she looks expectantly at Mukuro. Makoto, Aoi, and Mikan immediately follow suit.

Mukuro blinks, her eyes moving uncertainly between them. "... I suppose I can pet some dead wolves." She offers.

"Then it's a deal!" Accentuating her words, Aoi bobs her head up and down in a fierce nod. "We'll reunite in heaven after we die someday and pet all the dead animals together!"

"Anyone ever notice how much weird stuff we talk about?" Sayaka asks no one in particular. She hopes none of the children are listening.

"I'm just glad p-people are talking to me at all..." Mikan immediately makes a horrified face upon saying that. "N-Not that all of you aren't wonderful! I'm so sorry for being rude!"

"Ex-excuse me?" A timid voice interrupts Mikan's daily self-deprecation. Sayaka turns her head and spots the tiny girl from her squad. With all of their eyes on her though, the girl panics. "S-Sorry, I didn't want to interrupt you. I'm just, um, I'm just gonna-"

"You aren't interrupting anything!" Sayaka assures her gently, smiling brightly at the tiny girl. "How's your ice cream, sweetheart?"

The tiny girl calms down, and shyly returns the smile. "It's awesome! Thanks a lot for treating us, big sis Maizono. You're really nice!"

Sayaka giggles. If she ever gets a kid, hopefully it'll be a little girl like this one. "You're welcome! Now, what was it you wanted? Another portion? That'd be kind of unfair towards the others though, wouldn't it?" She smiles mischievously. "But you don't have to tell them..."

"No, thank you... um... I..." The tiny girl says to Sayaka, then turns away, slowly walks up to Mukuro and, shutting her eyes, thrusts a notebook towards her. "I would really l-like your autograph, big sis Ikusaba!" She squeals.

Mukuro glances down at the child like she's just seen an alien or something like that. "My... autograph?" She asks, uncertainty and confusion evident in her voice.

"Y-Yeah! You're just... so cool! You're my role model! I wanna be as cool as you one day!" The tiny girl gushes, though she still doesn't dare to look into Mukuro's face.

"I see. Um..." Mukuro says, giving Sayaka an almost pleading look. Sayaka gestures to the girl's notebook. After a short pause, Mukuro takes it. "I suppose I can do that."

"Really?!" The tiny girl squeals in unbridled joy, finally looking up at Mukuro's face. "Thank you so much! You're the best!"

"It's fine. But I won't give an autograph to anyone else. Tell anyone who wants to try." Mukuro mutters, writing down her autograph into the little girl's notebook. She hands it back to her.

Grinning from ear to ear, the tiny girl takes it. "'Always check your magazine'," she reads out loud. "Huh? What does that mean?"

"With real weapons, you should always check your magazine first before going into battle. How many bullets you have. What state the bullets are in." Mukuro answers, rather awkwardly. "... It's not really doable with those guns we use during laser tag, but it's a good thing to keep in mind either way. That's all." She explains to the puzzled little girl.

"So _that's_ what that meant!" Aoi whispers in understanding.

"I needed Komaru to make me understand it." Makoto mutters.

Mikan just looks at them in confusion. "We'll tell you later." Sayaka assures her.

"Thank you so much, big sis Ikusaba!" The tiny girl squeals, slinging her arms around Mukuro's waist in an awkward hug. "You're so cool! You're the best!"

"You're welcome." Mukuro says with an air of discomfort, staying utterly stiff as the tiny girl is hugging her.

Mercifully, the girl pulls back fast. And after shooting the blank faced Mukuro one last grin, she runs back to her seat. Sayaka can already hear her boasting about her new autograph.

"That was really sweet of you." She tells her beloved.

"If I had said no, the whole thing just would have gotten more uncomfortable." Mukuro reasons. "It was easier to just do it."

That's probably true, but still. Mukuro doesn't seem to think much of kids, or is at least uncomfortable around them for the most part, but she always treats them politely and without any condescension, so Sayaka likes to think her beloved does like them deep down. She loves kids herself, after all. 

She glances over to the table where the tiny girl is sitting with her friends. They're all staring at her in awe as she holds up the autograph. Sayaka suppresses a giggle. It's such a cute image.

And when she looks back to Mukuro, Sayaka could swear that just for a moment, she's seen a ghost of a smile on her beloved's face. Maybe Mukuro enjoys how much these kids admire her more than she lets on.

That gives her an idea. "Excuse me for a moment, guys!"

Sayaka walks around the kids' tables, chatting with them about things like laser tag and ice cream, even introducing Pinky and Momo to two little girls who tell her they're reading her blog every day. She'd be lying if she claimed not to enjoy how much these kids seem to love her. What she enjoys even more is how much they obviously adore Mukuro.

Apart from the odd question about herself, which makes sense seeing as she's a celebrity, they mostly ask her stuff about Mukuro. Not that she minds answering them, for most part. In fact, she makes sure to get a good look on her beloved while she's talking to the kids about her, enjoying the puzzled embarrassment on Mukuro's face during that when Sayaka is pointing at her and whispering things to the kids.

Seeing all these kids so happy and excited makes her feel a sense of pride as well. How could she ever regret spending her money on them when it has that kind of effect? Treating the laser tag kids to something nice was just a spontaneous idea, but she wouldn't mind doing something this again.

"You put up a good fight, big sis Maizono!" Red compliments her when she arrives at his and Blue's table. They've both finished their ice cream already, amazingly enough. Well, kids wouldn't be kids if they didn't wolf down all of their food immediately, Sayaka supposes. "I still can't believe you tricked big sis Ikusaba like that! It was pretty awesome."

"I know, right? That'll teach her to just shoot the wounded next time." Sayaka jokes, causing Red -- and Blue, who's sitting next to him -- to grin. "You did a good job at being Mukuro's right hand man, Red. You were a great right hand woman too, Blue!"

"We have names, you know!" Red points out.

"I dunno, I kinda like being 'Blue'." Blue interjects.

"Your hair's not even a natural blue!" Red complains. "Your big brother's dyeing it!"

Blue's face turns pink. "Shut up! Not in front of big sis Maizono!"

Sayaka laughs. "Don't worry, your secret's safe with me. And, actually... my hair isn't a natural blue either!"

The two children's jaws drop. "Really?" They ask in unison.

"Nope! All natural, sorry!" Sayaka tells them cheerfully, giggling at their annoyed expressions.

"She lied." Blue says flatly.

Red's tone is just as flat as his friend's. "Big sis Asahina told us she was evil."

"No, but..." Sayaka makes a show of being hesitant. "Actually, Mukuro's hair is dyed. She's a natural blonde. Strawberry blonde. Don't tell anyone though."

"... Really?" Blue asks, her expression _very_ skeptical.

"I don't believe her." Red mutters. "She's just lying again."

"I'm not. I swear." Sayaka tells them, her voice as serious as she can make it.

It works, seeing as both of their faces turn dumbfounded. Red is the first to speak, in awe.

"Big sis Ikusaba with blonde hair... can you imagine that?!"

"No!" Blue answers, her eyes practically sparkling. "She would look so cool though, I think? Geez, I wanna see it."

"Aww, you two seem excited." Sayaka smiles apologetically. "Too bad I made that up just now!"

"What!" Red squeaks.

"But you _swore_!" Blue whines.

"I lied about swearing!" Sayaka bites her lower lip to stop herself from laughing. "Sorry, you two! I couldn't resist."

"Evil." They both simply say, in unison.

"I'm gonna buy you another cone to make up for it." Sayaka suggests. "Deal?"

They share a look, then nod to each other. "Deal!"

At this point, two ice cream cones won't make much of a difference anyway. Of course, the other kids all pick up on it, resulting in Sayaka buying another few dozen portions of ice cream. At least everyone's ordering only one portion this time; either the kids are more considerate then she's thought or they just aren't that hungry anymore. Probably the latter. It certainly doesn't hurt that she gets to see them all so happy and excited though.

"You're welcome!" Sayaka tells Blue and Red afterwards, who are both happily licking away at their ice cream cones.

"Thanks!" They both chirp dutifully.

"I'll tell Mukuro you two said hi. Enjoy!" Before she can leave though, Blue stops Sayaka in her tracks. 

"Hey, uh. Big sis Maizono? Can I ask you something?" The girl's tone is surprisingly serious.

"Sure," Sayaka agrees. "Go ahead, Blue."

"Okay, so... big sis Ikusaba said a weird thing to us both. I think they were two foreign words or something?" Blue glances at Red, as if asking for confirmation.

"Yeah," Red agrees. "We were wondering if you know what she was saying, since you're her best friend or something? She got really weird when we asked her about it and wouldn't tell us anything."

"Sorry if we're being nosy, but we're worried." Blue murmurs, embarrassed. "She looked kinda sad."

"Big sis Ikusaba is awesome. She shouldn't be sad." Red adds, almost petulantly.

"No, it's okay. You can tell me." Sayaka says softly. Blue tells her the two words, but Sayaka can't make any sense of them. "I'm sorry, you two. I don't really know what they mean either." She glances over to their table, where Aoi and Mukuro seem to be involved in a very one-sided conversation. "I'm gonna ask her later, okay? If she's sad about something, I'll make her feel better. Promise!"

"I told you we could count on her!" Blue exclaims, relief evident in her voice. She ribs Red in the shoulder. "What'd I tell you? She didn't even call us nosy!"

"Okay, you were right. Happy?" Red grumbles. "Sorry for wasting your time, big sis Maizono. Maybe you're not so evil after all."

Sayaka giggles. "You're good kids. Don't worry about it! Enjoy your ice cream!" She tells them, and walks back to her table.

Although despite her smile, she can't help but be worried.

She has an idea what those two words could mean, but that's not something either Blue or Red have to know about. If she's right, that is. Because if she's right, then those two words are names. And considering Mukuro's past, two foreign sounding names can't mean anything good. At all.

She can think about that later, though. For now...

Sayaka sits back down at her friends' table, not having lost her somewhat strained smile.

 

-

 

After the ice cream parlor, they say goodbye to the laser tag kids.

And after _that_ , Sayaka and Mukuro say goodbye to their other three friends. Sayaka is glad, if also a bit embarrassed, that their friends seem to have some sort of agreement to always let them have some alone time whenever they go out into the city.

Aoi could definitely work on her subtlety and acting skills though. Sayaka thought she was gonna die of embarrassment when her energetic friend dragged Makoto and Mikan away to go, in her words, 'somewhere not romantic' while frantically winking at Mukuro. Sayaka was tempted to ask her if she was having a stroke.

Still, she can't argue with the end result. Her and Mukuro being at one her favorite places in the world right now isn't something she's gonna complain about.

"I feel it's been an eternity." Sayaka almost sighs the words ruefully as she's walking by the flowers, stopping midway to admire the red spider lilies.

"I think the last time was in July. On your birthday." Mukuro says, walking past her and leaning down to look at the flowers herself. 

"You're probably right." Sayaka takes her eyes off the flowers to smile at her beloved. "Hard to believe it's been three months already. The flower garden up here is so beautiful no matter the time of the year though."

"It is," Mukuro agrees. She smiles. "I really like being up here with you, Sayaka."

"So do I." Sayaka giggles. "We had our first date up here, after all. Not even a week after we became friends." She winks at her beloved. "And, only about one and a half month later, we had our first kiss!"

Mukuro blushes. "... I didn't know you considered that a date. I suppose it makes sense in hindsight."

"I told you, didn't I? It was, like, crush at first conversation! Or second one, I guess! I'm not sure that whole thing before where you'd pushed the bathroom door open counts." Sayaka tilts her head. "Wasn't it like that for you too?" She questions teasingly.

"I suppose it was." Mukuro mumbles. Sayaka tries not to take too much delight in how embarrassed her beloved sounds.

They sit down on one of the benches. Even though it's pretty warm for October, Sayaka can't help but sit extra close to Mukuro anyway.

It's just windy enough for the flowers to dance a little bit. It makes Sayaka smile -- she loves when flowers do that. She takes out her phone and snaps a picture of them, intending to send it to Dad later on. He shares her passion for flowers, and loves spider lilies in particular. She isn't all too fond of them herself, but she supposes they're kinda pretty. When she asks Mukuro for her opinion, her beloved predictably says she's neutral on them.

Well, Sayaka supposes not everyone can be passionate about flowers. Mukuro sorta likes flowers... or at least in relation to _her_ , and that's enough for Sayaka.

Sayaka frowns. Come to think of it, Mukuro seems to enjoy a lot of things she outright said she wouldn't ever do otherwise if she didn't do them together with her. It's... kind of sad. Sayaka is glad she can make her beloved enjoy herself, but she'd rather Mukuro didn't need her for that. Well... the selfish part in her insists otherwise, but she always kills those thoughts as soon as they appear. Anyway...

Is her beloved like that with everything? Sayaka hums thoughtfully. Mukuro doesn't think much of flowers, but likes them a lot when Sayaka shows them to her. It makes her wonder... since Mukuro doesn't like kids a whole lot either, maybe she'd still love her's and Sayaka's kids if they ever got any?

Sayaka blinks, a searing heat spreading across her face. Wait, _what_? Why is she thinking about that?! They aren't even officially dating yet. Heck, she's just turned eighteen three months ago! What the hell?!

"Sayaka?" She hears Mukuro ask over the wild thumping of her heart inside of her throat. "Are you okay? You nearly slipped off the bench just now."

"Yeah!" Sayaka chirps, but it sounds more like a strangled squeak to her. "Just wondering, you know! About kids." She nearly chokes on her saliva, and hastily adds: "I mean...! Do you like kids, Mukuro? I think you're pretty good with them." She laughs nervously. Mukuro isn't exactly good with kids, but it's not a total lie. It's more like... she's better than Sayaka thought she'd be.

"Depends on the child, I suppose." Mukuro answers. "I think they're difficult to deal with. I never really know how to treat them."

"You're totally fond of Blue and Red though, aren't you?" Sayaka giggles, her nervousness decreasing. That was a close one. She can't imagine how Mukuro would react if she knew what Sayaka was thinking of just now... well, she doesn't _want_ to imagine.

"I suppose." Mukuro mumbles.

"You totally are!" Thinking of Blue and Red though... Sayaka frowns. She told them she'd ask Mukuro about those words, didn't she? She can't just break her word, so she might as well bring it up now. "Hey, um..." She hesitates, long enough for Mukuro to speak up.

"Is something wrong?"

"Blue and Red told me you said something strange to them." Sayaka giggles, nervousness back in full force, though for an entirely different reason this time. "They asked me to ask you about it. They said you acted strange when they brought it up, so..." She trails off awkwardly.

"I see." Mukuro says, her face blank. She's obviously uncomfortable about this.

"You don't have to explain yourself." Sayaka tells her quietly. "I admit I'm curious, but if it makes you feel bad I don't need to know about it."

"It's fine." Mukuro stares down at her lap, making a face like she's just tasted something sour. "I can tell you. I accidentally called them by different names. And..." She sighs instead of saying another word, as if disgusted with herself.

"You can go on, if you want to." Sayaka encourages, her voice a gentle murmur.

Not taking her eyes off her lap, Mukuro continues. "I suppose the game reminded me of my time in that organization too much. I was remembering some things during it, so I called Blue and Red by those names." She pauses, as if thinking whether she should say the next few words or not, and then mutters: "The names of my dead squadmates -- Surkova and Octavian."

Sayaka nods. The two kids didn't pronounce the names like Mukuro has just now, but she suspected they were foreign names. "Do you... want to talk about them?"

"They're dead." Mukuro says, her tone icy. "I hardly see any point in that."

Swallowing, Sayaka tries to think of something to say. "So... it was three of you? That means you were a fireteam, right? I think you said a fireteam means there are... two, three, or four people?" She asks the question in hopes it will distract Mukuro somewhat, maybe give her something else to talk about.

Seemingly glad to be able to talk about military stuff, Mukuro says: "We were a fireteam, yes. Part of a larger squad. And my team was four people, not three."

"Who was the fourth one?" Sayaka asks despite herself, suppressing a wince as soon as she's said it. Stupid. She was supposed to distract Mukuro with something else, not let her curiosity get the better of her.

Mukuro's face remains stoic as she answers. "The fourth member was someone named Herzog."

There's an odd finality in her beloved's tone. Sayaka doesn't think she has to ask if that person is still alive. "That's a lot of foreign names," she mutters. She tries her best to smile, but it probably ends up as a grimace. "I guess that organization was pretty diverse, huh? I mean, all those different foreign names."

"I suppose." Mukuro says impassively. "Octavian and Herzog used fake names, like most people there. It wasn't a requirement, but a lot of them did it for safety, to hide their true identities. Surkova used her actual last name, because she didn't care about hiding her true identity."

"Makes sense. What about you?"

"A code name with the normal members. Only the high-ranking members knew me by Ikusaba Mukuro. Back then no one but Junko-chan and my adoptive mother knew me by that name, so it was safe to use." Mukuro explains. "I only legally changed it once I came back to Japan."

"But... wouldn't they be able to find you now, those people in that organization?" Sayaka questions, concern bubbling up inside of her. "I mean, they could try to... do something!"

"It's fine, Sayaka," Mukuro mutters. "Everyone who knew my name is dead. The organization was destroyed by another one."

"Oh..." Sayaka knows it's probably a bad thing to feel relief that someone else is dead, but if it means that Mukuro is safe... not to mention, it was a terrorist organization. Surely they deserved it anyway? Still... she gives her beloved a sympathetic look. "I'm sorry, if you had any friends there." Come to think of it, how _did_ feel Mukuro about those squadmates of hers? She doubtlessly remembers them with some fondness, but...

Before Sayaka can think any more, Mukuro's answer interrupts her thought process, her tone short and clipped. "I didn't."

"Sorry." Sayaka fidgets uncomfortably. Wait, something seems weird. "Um... why did they need a name from you anyway? Weren't they a terrorist group?" She asks.

"Everyone had a fake name there, for a lot of reasons. Bank accounts for payments and expenses, passports for travelling... all kinds of things."

"That seems a bit weird for a terrorist group." Sayaka hums thoughtfully. "It's not like I know a lot about this stuff, but still... since when do terrorist groups pay their members? Do they?"

"I suppose it was a very unique organization." Mukuro says, though she's clearly hiding something. Sayaka doesn't want to push it, however.

"Makes sense. So... um... there sure were a lot of foreign names, huh? Surkova sounds Russian, I think?" Sayaka questions, somewhat timidly. She doesn't want to keep annoying Mukuro with unnecessary or insensistive questions, but she's pretty curious.

Luckily, Mukuro doesn't seem to mind answering that. "Surkova was from Belarus," she corrects. "She got annoyed when people called her Russian." There's almost fondness in her beloved's voice. Sayaka smiles sadly.

"What about the other two?"

"Octavian was an US American, but he hated his birth country," Mukuro answers, almost seeming like she's suppressing a snort. "Herzog was from Switzerland. The others tended to assume he was German though. Octavian called him that on purpose, since he hated him."

"Sounds like a nice guy." Sayaka jokes nervously, mostly trying to ignore that Mukuro is reminiscing about a bunch of terrorists.

"Well, anyway... I would rather not talk about this further." Mukuro says, maybe picking up on Sayaka's sudden discomfort.

"Okay, no problem!" Sayaka agrees immediately. She hopes she didn't make her beloved feel bad. "I'm sorry for bringing this up."

"It's fine. I'm going to tell you sooner or later about it. Just..." Mukuro sighs. "Not now."

"No problem!" Sayaka repeats.

An uncomfortable silence lingers in the air. With forced cheer, Sayaka resumes talking. It's more like _babbling_ though, really.

"So, what was I talking about before? Blue and Red, right? They really look up to you. I can practically see the stars in their eyes whenever they talk to you, or talk about you."

Mukuro makes a vague gesture resembling a shrug. "They're smart. Good at following orders."

"I noticed! How come you got the most competent kids in your team? Like it wasn't unfair enough already!"

"You were the one who insisted we randomize the teams." Mukuro argues.

"Well... true! But you should've stopped me! You beat us so easily!" Sayaka huffs in mock annoyance, though in actuality she's glad they've managed to move on from that uncomfortable subject now. Mukuro seems to have gotten less stiff and uncomfortable too by now, which is good.

"Do you really think Blue and Red made all the difference?" Mukuro asks flatly.

"... Ugh. Fine, you win!" Sayaka admits. Then, however, she smirks. "I totally got you at the end though."

Mukuro has that half-scowl, half-pout look on her face again. "It was cowardly."

"It worked!" Sayaka insists.

"... You manipulated me." Mukuro mumbles. "You made me think you were hurt." Her beautiful steel gray eyes bore right into Sayaka's soul. "How could you do that to me?"

Sayaka loses her breath at the way the mood has just changed, at Mukuro's words. What she did was kind of mean, yes, but she never thought it would actually hurt her beloved's feelings. She blinks stupidly for a moment, before swallowing down her panic and stammering out an apology. "M-Mukuro, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to- I didn't think that'd hurt your feelings! It was just a spontaneous thing. Please, believe me."

For a while, Mukuro continues to stare at her in a somehow both hurt and impassive manner. Then, she smiles. "Got you. Now we're even."

There's a deafening silence for a moment.

"... _Wow_!" Sayaka laughs, mostly out of relief. "That was cruel, Mukuro!"

"All is fair in love and war, right?" Mukuro echoes.

"I'm so proud of you!" Sayaka wipes a few imaginary tears away. "Mukuro's finally learned to make jokes. A historic moment!"

"I've made jokes before." Mukuro says defensively.

"Bad ones, yes."

"Some of them were good."

"Name one."

"... I don't remember. But that doesn't mean none existed."

" _Right_."

"It's true."

Sayaka laughs again, followed by Mukuro shortly afterwards. She smiles at her beloved. "You have such a pretty laugh."

"So do you." Mukuro mumbles.

"Thanks! But... hey." Smile making way for a frown, Sayaka says: "The whole sprained ankle thing really didn't hurt your feelings, right? I guess it was a bit mean..."

"It's fine, Sayaka. I mostly was annoyed at myself for falling for such a cheap trick." Mukuro dismisses. "I'm impressed, to be honest. It was a smart move."

"Kinda cruel, though! I mean, I was totally banking on your concern for me." Sayaka grimaces. The more she thinks on it, the worse it seems in hindsight. "Geez, I feel bad now..."

"A lot of smart ideas are cruel." Mukuro states.

Sayaka feels her brows raising. "Not speaking from experience, I hope?"

"No. I don't have many smart ideas." Mukuro says flatly.

"Are you kidding me? Remember my birthday? That was probably the smartest thing you've ever done, wooing me like that..." Sayaka sighs dreamily. "I wish I could relive that day again."

"I hope today came close enough." Mukuro mumbles.

"Hmmm." Sayaka pretends to think. "No cake, no presents, no kiss! Kinda disappointed, to be honest. Of course..." Her voice drops lower, and she gives Mukuro a sly wink. "There's still time for a kiss, right?"

Even after almost half a year of being on the receiving end of Sayaka's flirting, Mukuro's face still turns red from it. "I suppose..." She agrees with seeming reluctance, but Sayaka knows her beloved well enough at this point to see the excitement on her face at the idea.

Still... if Mukuro only 'supposes', Sayaka decides to make the whole thing a bit harder on her than probably necessary. She simply kisses her beloved's cheek, then pulls back. When Mukuro opens her eyes -- she always has them closed before and during their kisses -- with obvious impatience, Sayaka giggles. With a good deal of cheer, she mocks: "Sorry, did you expect more?" She kisses her other cheek. "There, how's that?"

"Sayaka." Mukuro says, in a vaguely warning tone.

Sayaka presses two of her fingers to her lips, then presses the same ones to Mukuro's. "There! Same concept, right?" She smirks.

"Sayaka." Mukuro repeats, dangerously close to whining.

"Maybe you wanna be the one to kiss me, then?" Sayaka teases. "It's not like you haven't done it before. So..." She closes her eyes, puckering her lips. "Kiss?"

Mukuro answers by pressing her lips against Sayaka's more or less right away, causing the latter to groan in approval. Sayaka's right hand moves upwards to rub her beloved's back, which in turn causes Mukuro to emit a pleased sound.

Despite how nice the kiss feels though, there is some reluctance. There's always the chance of someone catching them up here, though Mukuro's assured her that she would notice anyone before they managed to spot the two of them. Sayaka believes her, but it still doesn't stop her from worrying. The other reason is Mukuro herself -- or rather it's her issues with intimacy. Sayaka respects her beloved's boundaries, of course. She would _never_ try to pressure her into doing anything she didn't want to do. But...

That doesn't magically make Sayaka's frustrations go away. It seems as though they have to stop kissing every time just when they're getting started, due to it quickly becoming too much for Mukuro. Sayaka tries her best to take it slowly and not to kiss her beloved _too_ passionately, but sometimes she does something that makes Mukuro back out by accident, like leaning into it too much or making some kind of noise in her throat.

Still, as frustrating as it is sometimes, Sayaka could never have it in herself to condemn Mukuro for any of it. Especially since when it happens, her beloved tends to go sick with guilt and apologizes for being a coward. Sayaka's insistence that she respects Mukuro's boundaries always calms her down, at least.

In spite of the fire she's feeling within her stomach, Sayaka breaks the kiss, though with no small amount of reluctance. She takes Mukuro's right hand with her left one, squeezing it reassuringly. "You alright so far?" She asks, smiling at her beloved.

Mukuro nods, her face as red as a tomato. "Yes," she says hoarsely, squeezing her hand back. "Can we stop for now though, Sayaka...?"

"Of course, Mukuro." Sayaka agrees right away. She lays her head on Mukuro's shoulder, taking Mukuro's hand in both of hers. She could've kissed a lot more than this, but it's probably a better idea to stop now anyway. If it continued much longer, stopping would be even harder. Not much consolation for the... passion she's still feeling, but oh well...

She smiles sardonically.

Good thing Ayaka's bought her that vibrator, right?

She snorts at her own joke, one that Mukuro will never hear in her life as long as Sayaka has anything to say about it.

"What is it?" Mukuro asks curiously.

"Oh, nothing!" Sayaka replies cheerfully, suppressing her embarrassment. Even if she was willing to share that tidbit with Mukuro, she isn't sure she could actually bring herself to say it out loud anyway.

They stay up in the roof garden until it's sunset, which they watch together, Sayaka's head on Mukuro's shoulder, though they're standing instead of sitting this time. It gives Sayaka a sense of déjà vu -- it's how their first date ended too. She likes to think of that Saturday afternoon back in May as a date, anyway.

Although... Sayaka didn't dare to ask Mukuro for a kiss on that day. Didn't even dare to think of it as a real date back then either. They've come a long way since then, haven't they?

As they walk away from the flower garden, Sayaka glances at the red spider lilies waving a little in the wind. They make her think of Mukuro's squadmates.

Walking back to school with Mukuro next to her and that thought in her mind, Sayaka excuses herself when she spots a flower shop nearby. After assuring the owner that he's heard correctly, she walks back out of the shop with a small bouquet of red spider lilies in her hands. Mukuro gives her a questioning look, but Sayaka merely tells her she'll explain later.

On Sayaka's request, they both enter her dorm room together once they arrive back in school. As soon as the door closes, she turns to Mukuro, presenting her with the bouquet. "Here you go, Mukuro. These are for you."

Mukuro stares at her, then at the flowers. "For... me?" She asks, dumbfounded.

Sayaka smiles softly. "Yeah. I was just thinking... we've been on a lot of dates, right? But since it's kinda unofficial, we haven't really gotten each other stuff like flowers or chocolate. We don't _have_ to, of course," she hastily corrects, lest Mukuro feels guilty for not doing it until now. "And I'm sorry if you feel I shouldn't have done that, but..." She holds out the flowers to her beloved. "Here they are, if you want them."

"Sayaka..." Mukuro mumbles. She takes the bouquet, looking down at the flowers with a happy smile. "You really didn't have to do that, but thank you."

"I really wanted to do it." Sayaka tells her sincerely. "I love you, Mukuro."

Mukuro's cheeks get about as red as the spider lilies she's holding. "I love you too, Sayaka." She raises the bouquet, bringing it to her face. "The flowers smell nice. What kind are they?"

"Red spider lilies." Sayaka answers. "You know, you're really not supposed to give a bouquet of those to anyone, since their meaning is kind of... grim. But I thought they fit."

"What do they mean?" Mukuro asks.

"They're often associated with death. I like to associate them with the afterlife though. Some others associate them with mourning for the people they've lost, too." Sayaka smiles sadly. She isn't sure whether she believes in an afterlife or not, but that's hardly the point. "It's what my Dad thinks too. Listen, Mukuro..." Her voice drops a bit, growing more somber. "You don't have to tell me about your squadmates or anything like that." Mukuro's face grows passive. Sayaka swallows, forcing herself to continue. "But I feel you cared about those two you mentioned. I'm sorry if I'm being too presumptuous, but I thought that maybe... we could honor them with those flowers. I'm sorry if I was being rude or inconsiderate..."

Mukuro's features soften. "No, Sayaka," she whispers. "It's fine. I..." She averts her eyes, and Sayaka realizes her beloved is close to tears. "Thank you. I'm glad you care."

"Of course I care." Sayaka says, gently. "I love you, Mukuro."

Mukuro, setting the bouquet in her hands down at the nearby table, doesn't answer with words, but rather a sudden embrace. Sayaka hugs her beloved just as fiercely, rubbing circles on her back to comfort her. "I love you too," Mukuro murmurs into Sayaka's ear. "I'm sorry."

Sayaka pulls back slightly. She kisses her beloved's forehead and smiles softly at her. "You don't have to be sorry for anything," she says. "Okay? I'm here for you, sweetie."

"... You called me that again." Mukuro mumbles. She smiles shakily. "You're right. I don't have to be sorry. As long as... as..." She hugs Sayaka again.

Slinging her arms around her beloved's back, Sayaka presses Mukuro close to her, the two of them silently embracing one another in her dorm room for a good while.

"Are you feeling better?" Sayaka asks once Mukuro pulls back.

"Yes. Thank you, Sayaka." Mukuro answers in a low voice. She looks shy, all of a sudden. "Can we kiss again?"

"I'd like nothing more." Sayaka tells her, a bright smile adorning her lips.

They kiss, for much longer than they did back at the flower garden.

Later, once she's alone in her room and Mukuro has left with the red spider lilies in a vase, Sayaka thinks back to it.

She leans back on her chair, homework currently forgotten. She touches her lips with a blush. They almost feel swollen, from all the kissing. Mukuro was surprisingly aggressive during it.

She's not complaining, but... something seemed strange about the kiss. Mukuro almost seemed... desperate, maybe?

No... why would Mukuro be? Even if she was touched by the flowers... wait, maybe it was because December is getting closer and closer. Perhaps her beloved is worrying over that day... when they have to tell each other about their pasts. And after what she's heard today...

A terrible thought suddenly enters Sayaka's mind, one that fills her stomach with bile.

Mukuro's two dead squadmates.

_"I've killed so many people that it wouldn't matter how I felt about it. I... did feel bad two times, but not anymore. Killing them was necessary."_

Sayaka shakes her head. She's making too many assumptions, thinking too much about things.

It's ridiculous, really. After all, why on earth would Mukuro kill people she obviously cared for? That organization ordered her to do bad things, and they wouldn't order her to kill others in that same organization. Right? Though, maybe if they turned traitor or anything like that... no, no. It's no use making baseless assumptions.

It's all just baseless assumptions to begin with.

Sayaka closes her eyes.

She thinks of Mukuro looking at her with a scared, vulnerable expression. She thinks of Mukuro smiling shyly back at her before pulling her into a gentle embrace. She thinks of how they've kissed each other, how they've held each other's hands. She thinks of her beloved's happiness at getting a simple bouquet of flowers, the unbridled joy in her face.

Sayaka opens her eyes.

With a smile, she goes back to doing her homework, the sickness in her stomach gone and forgotten.

* * *

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Translating little kids saying "Name-oniichan" or "Name-oneechan" or stuff like that into English is so awkward, but I refuse to do the alternative. Except when complaining about it, I suppose!


	5. November I

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My gf drew Sayaka and Mikan this time: https://inacron.tumblr.com/post/173841914556 (laser tag edition. Finally, Sayaka gets to be cool)
> 
> I'm posting this kinda late, sorry! I had to watch Eurovision. Can you believe Austria got robbed like this? Our song was actually good this time, too!
> 
> I hope you all like this chapter!

* * *

 

Gloomy, gray weather always makes Sayaka feel somewhat depressed.

Today, a chilly autumn day near the end of November, is no exception. The feeling was even present when they were all eating lunch on the roof earlier like usually. Mostly in the background, considering it's hard to be depressed when she's with her friends, but it was still there.

Seeing as it's getting pretty cold though, even with their blazers on, they'll have to spend lunch break in their classroom in the near future. Maybe that'll help. Probably not though, since the gloomy feeling is still there in spite of her being indoors right now.

She sighs. Sitting on her right, Mukuro takes her eyes off the pool and asks: "Is something wrong, Sayaka?"

"Not really," Sayaka answers, turning to her. She notices Makoto and Mikan, both sitting on Mukuro's right, glancing at her as well. Aoi's chatting with Oogami at the edge of the pool anyway, so no one has to pay attention to any swimming right now. "I just don't like this time of the year much, when it's getting all cold and gloomy. That's why winter is easily my least favorite season."

Mukuro nods slowly. "I don't like winter either." Sayaka isn't surprised. She remembers her beloved mentioning something about preferring warm weather over cold weather one time.

"I-I like winter." Mikan pipes up. "I think snow is really pretty... and I like being wrapped up in a blanket when it's cold outside and drinking hot cocoa while watching cartoons... w-well, I like the concept. I've never done it myself." She mumbles that like she's embarrassed for admitting it, which she probably is on some level. Not long ago, she would've immediately freaked out over it and apologized for being lame though, but fortunately she barely ever does that anymore.

"I like that thought too, Mikan-san." Makoto assures her. He laughs lightly. "Except it's more like I'd be wrapped up in another hoodie instead of a blanket." Sayaka snorts in amusement, imagining Makoto pulling off his hoodie to reveal there's another hoodie underneath. It definitely sounds like him.

"That _is_ a pretty good concept, Mikan-san. I guess there's Christmas too!" Sayaka glances at Mukuro as she says that, but her beloved is looking at Mikan. "Winter is my least favorite season, but it does have its good points."

"Christmas sounds like a lot of fun..." Mikan murmurs, twiddling her thumbs. "M-My mother never really liked it much though, so I've never celebrated it."

Sayaka can't see Mukuro's and Makoto's faces, since Mikan is sitting on the rightmost of them and they're all looking her way, but she's sure they all feel the same as her right now. "Well, Mikan-san," she begins, smiling softly at her friend. "You're welcome to celebrate it with me at the studio. Last year, the girls and I threw a small party on Christmas Day. I figured we could do the same this year."

The party was actually on Christmas Eve, but the 24th is Mukuro's and Junko's birthday already, and they both deserve to have their own independent party. That's why Sayaka figures she'll ask the girls if they mind doing it one day afterwards instead. She doubts either Satomi or Yukari would have a problem with that, but both Ayaka and Nana went home on Christmas Day last year to celebrate with their families and stayed with them for a few days. The party would have to be sometime in the morning or noon, seeing as they both left during the early afternoon last year. And there are Mukuro, Aoi, and Makoto to consider as well. Could _they_ all come?

Another reason for it to be early is that she's planning on going home to celebrate Christmas Day with Dad. She already knows he isn't working in the evening, so they have more than enough time to have a small celebration just like they used to. She almost wants to ask Mukuro to come with her for that... but that'd be a bit awkward, wouldn't it? Realistically, she can't just bring someone Dad has never met before home during Christmas, no matter how often she's talked about her beloved on the phone to him. Mukuro would feel weird about that too, surely?

That makes Sayaka think of something else though.

Would either Mukuro or Junko even _want_ their own independent party to begin with? Now that she thinks about it, Sayaka isn't so sure. Mukuro doesn't really seem like someone who's a big fan of parties to begin with. Sure, she didn't mind that small party for Mikan a few months back, but it might be a different story if it was a party for herself. She might be uncomfortable with being the center of attention. Or maybe she doesn't like her birthday for some reason.

Junko, on the other hand, seems like someone who'd be delighted with being the center of attention, but Sayaka could be wrong about that too. It'd be stupid to decide anything based on what she assumes they'd react like. She definitely has to gather more information on that.

"Uh, Sayaka-san?" She suddenly hears Makoto ask, rather loudly.

Sayaka blinks. She looks from him to Mukuro, then Mikan, and back to Makoto again. "Yeah?"

"I think you spaced out for a moment. Mikan-san was saying something."

"Oh!" Sayaka shoots Mikan an apologetic look. "I'm really sorry I wasn't listening, Mikan-san! I was just thinking about Christmas stuff. Can you please repeat what you said?"

"It- it's okay, Sayaka-san. I said... um, th-that I wouldn't want to be a bother..." Mikan protests meekly, but it really seems like she's forcing herself to not immediately agree to come.

"You're never a bother! I know the other girls would love having you there for it!" Sayaka assures her. "Oh, before I forget! You're also more than welcome to stay with us over the winter holidays! I've already talked to the girls about it just in case, and they'd be delighted!"

"If... if you really don't mind, Sayaka-san...? I've already imposed on you during the summer holidays..."

"Not at all. Like I said, we'd all love to have you again." Sayaka tells her sincerely.

"Then... I would really like that. Th-Thank you so much, Sayaka-san." Whenever Mikan smiles at her like that, Sayaka considers her day an official success.

"Don't mention it!" Sayaka winks at her, then adresses her other two friends. "Mukuro, Makoto-kun, you two are naturally invited to the party as well! Unless you already have other plans."

"I don't think I can come, sorry." Makoto says, regret washing over his face. "My family celebrates Christmas Eve and doesn't care about Christmas Day, so it's not like I have other plans, but I just live too far away."

"Aw, that's a shame." Sayaka pouts. "Are you going home on the 24th, Makoto-kun? Or before that?"

"My parents are going to be pick me up on the 22nd, actually." Makoto replies.

"Right, that makes sense. Christmas Eve is a Monday this year. Wouldn't make much sense staying here over the weekend." Sayaka muses. Hope's Peak luckily treats Christmas Eve as part of the winter holidays, even if it's strictly speaking not. Sonou is unfortunately not that kind. "I'll just have to give you your present on the 22nd then! Promise you won't open it until two days later, yeah?"

"You don't have-"

"I know!" Sayaka cuts her good-natured friend off. "I don't have to give you anything. I _want_ to. That goes for everyone here!" Her eyes flash to Mukuro and Mikan as she says that. "You _will_ get a present from me! No buts! Deal with it!"

No one protests. Makoto scratches his cheek, and says: "Thanks, Sayaka-san. I can promise I won't open it until the celebration, but Komaru might do it if she gets her hands on it."

"She's that kinda girl, huh?" Sayaka grins. She's actually planning on giving Komaru something as well, but Makoto doesn't have to know about that yet. "She reads my social media, right? What if I told my fans something like: 'A real Sayaker doesn't open Christmas presents before it's time to open them'?"

Makoto considers that, a thoughtful expression on his face. "That might actually work."

"You would really post that on your social media?" Mukuro asks, clearly skeptical.

"It'd be for a good cause!" Sayaka answers heroically. "Seriously though, I'd just have to mention that one time I opened a present too early and regretted it immediately, 'cause it was just what I wanted and I felt bad for ruining the surprise. That it was so good I almost started crying!"

"What was the present?" Mikan asks.

"A Hana Kappa plushy." Sayaka says with utmost seriousness. Mikan nods in understanding, but Mukuro seems to think differently.

"Hana Kappa? Isn't that cartoon for toddlers?"

Sayaka huffs. "It's a good show, Mukuro! You know, speaking of presents... what about you and Junko-chan?" It's as good of a time as any to bring that up, she figures. "Your birthday is on the 24th, so I was wondering. I wouldn't mind having two parties in a row!"

"I don't think a party would be a good idea," Mukuro says, sounding like she's forcing herself not to add an apology. "Junko-chan doesn't really like our birthday. She will accept a gift, but not much else. Please avoid wishing her a happy birthday as well."

Sayaka's first instinct is to question Mukuro about that, but that'd be pretty tactless. Especially considering Makoto and Mikan are here too. "Alright," is what she says instead. "I'm gonna get Junko-chan something extra nice. Hopefully, that'll cheer her up a bit." She wonders what her beloved would think of the idea if Junko didn't mind though. Would Mukuro like the idea of a party? She hasn't given her own opinion after all, merely Junko's.

"I don't know what Enoshima-san would like... but I'm going to try and get her something nice too." Makoto tells Mukuro, who smiles slightly in response.

"Wh-What about you, Mukuro-san? Enoshima-san doesn't want a party, b-but what about you?" Mikan questions. Sayaka glances at her, wondering why she would ask that kind of thing. It seems a bit unlike her. It's a question Sayaka's wanted to direct at Mukuro herself, so she's kinda grateful. She just didn't want to ask it in front of Makoto and Mikan. She can imagine what the answer is though.

"There can't be a party for me either. Junko-chan wouldn't want to be there, and I can't just leave her alone to go to a party." Mukuro replies, pretty much echoing what Sayaka's assumed. Like it's an afterthought, she adds: "Or make her feel pressured to attend."

It looks like Mikan wants to say something in response to that, but Aoi's yelling puts a stop to that. "Guys! Come over!"

"Looks like they're done." Sayaka says, getting up from her seat, her other three friends quickly following suit. She'll definitely have to talk to Mukuro more about Christmas, but it can wait. It'd probably be better if they were alone for that anyway, to not make her beloved too uncomfortable.

Aoi showers them with various numbers, having beaten pretty much all of her records again. Sayaka'd be more impressed if the swimmer didn't do that with such frequency, but she's still pretty impressed anyway.

After Aoi's done telling them, she just stands there with her hands on the hips, clearly expecting some kind of applause. When they don't immediately pick up on it, she literally says it out loud. Mikan gives her what she wants right away, with Makoto and Mukuro joining in after a small pause. Suppressing a giggle, Sayaka does the same. Oogami, meanwhile, settles for an approving nod. Judging from how Aoi's face lights up, it's pretty effective too.

It's not like Aoi doesn't deserve it even if she's being ridiculous, Sayaka supposes as she's clapping.

"I have another announcement to make!" Aoi says once the clapping has died down. "Trust me, it'll blow your socks off! It blew mine off too when Sakura-chan just told me a minute ago!"

"Wow, you're right! You're not wearing any socks, Aoi-chan!" Sayaka marvels. "I mean, you're wearing a swimsuit though. Your lack of socks might have something to do with that too."

"I'm too excited to be annoyed at you making fun of me, Sayaka-chan!" Aoi declares. "But seriously, guys! Listen! This is awesome. Are you ready?!"

"Yes." Makoto affirms.

"Okay, but are you _really_ sure?!" Aoi asks, apparently enjoying this a lot. "This is, like, big news! Since none of you are wearing a swimsuit, it might actually blow off your socks for real! Well, Sakura-chan is wearing a swimsuit, but she's the one who told me, so her socks weren't gonna blow off anyway!"

"We're sure..." Mikan says. She cringes. "U-Unless it's scary..."

"It's not scary! Just really awesome. You all wanna know, huh? Don't say I didn't warn you!" Aoi pauses. Wow, she really _is_ enjoying this. "Drum roll! I'll tell you after counting to five! One-"

"Ikusaba and I are going to fight this Sunday." Oogami says abruptly.

Aoi gasps. "Sakura-chan, why?! That was my big moment!"

"Apologies, Hina. But," Oogami says sternly, crossing her arms. "You deserved that."

"She really did." Sayaka says dryly, before a grin makes its way on her face. "Wait, for real?! We've been waiting for this fight forever!" She looks at Mukuro. "When'd you two talk about it?"

"Oogami-san and I were the only students in class this morning, except for Ishimaru-kun. Since I've been satisfied with my training lately, I thought it would be a good time to ask her about that sparring match." Mukuro answers.

"I was thinking about it as well, coincidentally." Oogami mentions. "If you had not asked me first, I would have done so in your place, Ikusaba."

"I'm so pumped!" Aoi squeals. "I can't wait! Ugh, how am I supposed to wait _three_ days for it?!"

"I guess that's going to be pretty cool to watch." Makoto muses. "Where, though? Over in the gym?"

"Yes," Oogami replies, nodding at him. "Ikusaba has told me there are rarely any people during Sunday afternoon. We should be able to fight without any interruption."

"B-But... which teacher is going to be there for that on a Sunday?" Mikan asks. "I don't think Miki-sensei is around on Sundays..."

"There is no need for a teacher," Mukuro says. "Oogami-san and I are both aware of the rules. Having a supervisor would just be a nuisance."

"Not even Miki-sensei?" Sayaka asks, her enthusiasm somewhat curbed. "Uh, not to ruin the fun, but I don't think having a fight without any supervision is something the school would allow."

"They don't have to allow it. No one is going to find out."

"Ikusaba has the right of it." Oogami supplies, though she doesn't sound as dismissive of the subject as Mukuro. "I am usually not one for breaking rules, but it is true that a supervisor would only spoil the fight with needless regulations."

"None of the teachers have as much experience with fighting as we do. Involving them would be unnecessary." Mukuro adds to Oogami's argument.

Sayaka glances at Makoto and Mikan, who both look like they feel the same unease as her.

"Come on, guys!" Aoi exclaims. "Sakura-chan and Mukuro-chan know what they're doing!"

"... I guess you'd both know better than us," Sayaka admits to Mukuro and Oogami. "But please be careful, okay?"

"We could always just go for help if anything happens." Makoto says uncertainly.

"If there isn't a teacher around, th-then I would like to take a look at the- the safety equipment before you put it on first..." Mikan mumbles, obviously unhappy with the whole thing.

"We're not using safety equipment." Mukuro replies.

"Wh-What?" Mikan gives Mukuro a look of pure shock.

Sayaka is feeling much the same right now. "What do you mean, Mukuro?" She asks.

"We already need to hold back in order not to maim each other anyway. Wearing safety equipment too would only hold us back more. Not to mention, restrict our movement." Mukuro reasons.

"But... without safety equipment, y-you could get seriously hurt!" Mikan argues.

"Yeah!" Makoto agrees. "I don't know much about fighting, but risking a serious injury doesn't sound good!"

Mukuro frowns at that. "Why even bother fighting then? If there is no risk of injury, it's not a real fight."

"Wait, wait." Sayaka feels her eyes narrowing. "What do you mean by that? I thought this was just supposed to be a sparring match."

"It is, but that's still a fight and shouldn't be taken lightly. I would rather risk getting injured than spoil it." Mukuro answers. Sayaka gapes at her, uncertain of what to say to that.

"Err, Mukuro-chan? Sakura-chan?" Aoi asks, a confused expression on her face. "I want a cool fight too, but I've never heard of sparring without any safety gear. You're both super strong, so that sounds pretty dangerous..."

"See? Even Aoi-chan thinks that's a bad idea! That should tell you something." Sayaka points out.

Aoi nods. "Yeah! Wait, what?"

Oogami, who's been rather silent, finally speaks up. "I do not want to miss out on fighting Ikusaba at her best, but you are all making a solid argument. Perhaps Ikusaba and I have been too hasty."

Mukuro remains unconvinced, however. "None of them are fighters, Oogami-san," she says impassively to the other girl, then turns to them. "I think Oogami-san and I are more than capable of deciding how we're going to fight by ourselves. We didn't ask for your permission."

Sayaka blinks, stunned that her beloved really just said such a cold thing to them. "Mukuro, we're just worried!" She says, rather loudly.

"Well, don't be. We know what we're doing."

Aoi is the first to retort. "You could get really hurt though!"

"You even admitted that yourself." Makoto adds.

"So what?" Mukuro asks, visibly irritated. "If either of us gets injured, it's our own fault. It doesn't concern any of you."

A surge of anger running through her, Sayaka opens her mouth to scold Mukuro for saying something so callous, but someone else preempts her.

"How can you say that?!" Mikan asks sharply. "Of course it concerns us! Oogami-san and you are our friends! Why are you acting like a fight is more important than your health, Mukuro-san?! You shouldn't take the risk!"

Although briefly stunned in surprise, Mukuro collects herself quickly. "I understand your concern, Mikan-san," she says, her voice a lot less impassive than before. "But our talents are inherently tied with risks. That's why-"

"You aren't on a battlefield!" Mikan cuts her off, either not noticing or caring that everyone present is currently staring at her. Her voice grows louder and louder as she speaks.  "A match between friends shouldn't have those risks! Why does it matter if you can't go all out? If it's the same for both of you, then no one gets an unfair advantage!"

"It's not about that."

"Then what is it about?!"

Mukuro opens her mouth, presumably to explain her position better, but closes it again. Averting her eyes from Mikan, she quietly mutters: "Fine. We're going to use safety equipment."

"Thank you." Mikan says. Then, she visibly deflates. "I-I'm so sorry for yelling. I don't know what-"

"It's fine." Mukuro interrupts, holding up one of her hands. "I suppose I was blinded by my own desire to fight a powerful opponent. I apologize." She says the words mechanically, like she's forcing herself to.

"So was I," Oogami interjects. "But the others have convinced me. I am going to bring the proper safety equipment on Sunday. You are familiar with point sparring, are you not? Ikusaba?"

"Yes." Mukuro answers blandly.

"Do you have any objections to it?"

"I would prefer full-contact. We're already using safety equipment." Mukuro says. She still clearly sounds annoyed at the situation. Sayaka looks at her beloved, anxiety slowly building up inside of her. Why is Mukuro acting like this?

"Very well. I would much rather have a full-contact sparring match as well." Crossing her arms, Oogami turns to Aoi. "Hina, you are familiar with full-contact sparring. Will you be our referee?"

"'Course I will, Sakura-chan! I'm gonna do my best, promise! I'll make sure no one gets hurt, too!" Aoi declares so fiercely that it's impossible not to believe her.

"Wait, wait." Sayaka butts in again. "What's the difference between point sparring and full-contact?"

Mukuro and Oogami explain both variations to them. Sayaka is not happy to hear about what full-contact sparring is like. Mikan, Makoto, and her all argue in favor of point sparring over full-contact, but Mukuro is very insistent about the latter. They eventually reach a compromise that both parties are reasonably happy with, though.

Well, not so happy in one case. Mukuro still seems rather irritated.

Oogami also mentions something about bringing Owari along, reasoning the girl from the upper class could gather some experience from 'watching two fighters with discipline' or something along those lines. She looks at Mukuro during that, silently asking for her opinion. Mukuro doesn't have any objections.

After that, Mukuro tells them she has to run an errand for Junko and leaves, in a rather awkwardly abrupt manner. Sayaka excuses herself as well and follows Mukuro, worried about her beloved's behavior.

"Hey, Mukuro?" Sayaka asks, jogging up to her in an empty hallway. "Is something wrong?"

Mukuro turns around. "What do you mean?"

"Well... you were being kinda strange." Sayaka says, trying to be careful about how to phrase herself. The last thing she wants is to worsen Mukuro's mood. "About that whole fight thing? I'm not really sure what that was about. I mean, I understand that you want to have a good fight-"

"Do you?" Mukuro asks suddenly. "I don't think you do. None of you do. It's..." She pauses, making a sour face. "It's not just about the fight itself."

Sayaka frowns. "Then what is it about?"

"It's about reminding myself." Mukuro mumbles, staring down at the floor.

"Of what?"

"Nevermind." Mukuro sighs. "I'm sorry, Sayaka. I have to go now, or I'm going to be late. Junko-chan hates that."

"... Okay," Sayaka says quietly. "But if you want to talk about it, I'll be there. Okay?"

"I don't."

Sayaka nearly recoils at the clipped, almost angry tone. It's so unlike Mukuro to get angry with her that she feels like running away. She swallows and tries to calm down, chastising herself for being so ridiculous. "Y-You don't have to, of course." Sayaka assures her beloved. "I'm sorry if I upset you, Mukuro."

"No, Sayaka. I'm sorry for acting like this." Mukuro mumbles. Rubbing her arm, she averts her eyes. "I'm sorry. It's just not an easy subject to talk about."

"That's okay, Mukuro." Sayaka smiles at her, in spite of Mukuro not seeing it. "I'm just saying if you want to, you can."

"... Thank you. I'm really sorry for acting like this. I..." Mukuro grimaces. "I don't know what's wrong with me. I've even made Mikan-san angry." She says that so miserably that Sayaka wants nothing more than to hug her, but even if the hallway they're in is empty right now, someone else could come around the corner anytime.

"Mikan-san was just really worried. She cares a lot about you, Mukuro. We all do." Sayaka gently assures her.

Raising her head slightly, Mukuro manages to look Sayaka in the eyes again. "I'm going to apologize to Mikan-san later." She promises.

"I'm sure she'll appreciate it. After she's done telling you that you shouldn't have bothered a hundred times, I mean." Sayaka jokes. Well, it's not much of an exaggeration.

"She's too kind for her own good." Mukuro murmurs. Then, with clear reluctance, she adds: "... I really should leave now. See you tomorrow, Sayaka."

"See you tomorrow." Sayaka tells her beloved.

Once Mukuro disappears around the corner, Sayaka sighs.

The talk helped a little bit, but... she's worried. Anxious. She still doesn't know why Mukuro was acting like this... and might not find out anytime soon either. Well, she can't make her talk about it. She shouldn't want to either. What she _can_ do is try her best to be there for Mukuro once she _is_ ready to talk about it.

Even so... the topic is violence. And Mukuro's detached behavior about it... it's no doubt related to that organization, isn't it?

Sayaka bites her lower lip. Does she even want to hear about this...? No, it doesn't matter what she wants. She'll be there for Mukuro no matter what, even if the topic makes her uncomfortable. Especially if it does. That's what being girlfriends should be like, right? 

That's what _love_ should be about, right?

She reaches up to her breast pocket, the feeling of Pinky and Momo inside giving her some comfort when she touches them.

"Right." Sayaka says.

With a heavy heart, she walks back to her dorm room.

 

-

 

Three days later, her worries mostly just nagging at her in the back of her mind, Sayaka is sitting with her friends on a bench in the gym, about to watch the possibly coolest thing they've ever seen in their lives.

She wonders if maybe she should've brought popcorn for all of them.

It's almost a shame the gym is empty apart from six people, that more people can't watch the fight... but while it wasn't really supposed to be some sort of secret they'd keep from anyone -- the teachers and Ishimaru excluded -- there seems to have been an unspoken agreement among them that Mukuro's and Oogami's sparring match wasn't something they'd tell to anyone either. Even Aoi kept quiet about it, and Sayaka can't imagine how hard it must've been on her not to boast about how strong her two friends are, how amazing that fight no doubt would be.

Right as she thinks that, Aoi, sitting on Sayaka's left, bounces lightly on her seat again. That girl really can't stop herself from fidgeting, can she? Well, it's no surprise. She's been looking forward to this forever. Makoto and Mikan, both sitting on Sayaka's right, are much calmer, but still clearly feel the same anticipation as well. With Mikan it might just be her worrying though.

Mukuro and Oogami are near the huge mat they've chosen as their 'ring' while doing their push-ups and stretches, which Sayaka watches with interest. And not just because she loves watching her beloved exercise. It's also pretty impressive to see just how strong she is -- how strong both her and Oogami are, really.

Although Sayaka does have to admit that she feels kind of bummed out about Mukuro not wearing just a sports bra. Seeing her beloved's abs for the first time sure was... an experience.

"Ohh, I'm so excited! I'm so pumped! This is gonna be awesome!"

Sayaka smiles at Aoi's ceaseless gushing, relieved her thoughts on Mukuro's abs came to a premature end. It's for the better, really. She's excited about the fight too, but her energetic friend is practically jumping in her seat at this point. "Try not to fall off the bench, Aoi-chan." She advises.

"Thanks, I'll try- oh you're making fun of me. Geez." With a sour face, Aoi stops bouncing. "Can you blame me for being excited though? It's taken Sakura-chan and Mukuro-chan an eternity to fight. I've been looking forward to that for, like, months!"

"I guess I can't blame you." Sayaka admits, glancing towards Mukuro and Oogami, both of whom are still in the process of warming up for their fight.

"I hope neither of them get hurt..." Mikan mumbles, her concern plain as day in her voice. "I-I still think Miki-sensei should be here."

"I'm sure nothing bad is going to happen. They wouldn't really hurt each other." Makoto assures her, like he tends to do.

"Yeah!" Sayaka quickly agrees, wrenching her eyes away from her beloved to look at Mikan instead. "Mukuro and Oogami-san are both expert fighters, right? This is just a sparring match, and they both know how to avoid doing real damage to each other." She thinks back to Mukuro's words as she says that, causing them to feel hollow to herself.

Mikan seems reassured by that though, but not much. "I really hope so..."

"Even if they do get injured, it's a good thing they'll have an experienced nurse sitting right here!" Sayaka winks at Mikan, the latter twiddling her thumbs bashfully at the compliment. "Not to forget, her talented trainee as well!" She adds, ruffling Makoto's hair, who looks delightfully embarrassed like he always does when he's on the receiving end of that.

"I'm not sure how much good I'd be..." Makoto protests weakly.

"You'd be a big help, Makoto-kun. You've improved a lot over so little time!" Mikan says, oddly insistent. Well, it's not _that_ odd anymore. Especially not after that little outburst three days ago. Her voice always gets a little stronger when she's trying to be supportive anyway. Sayaka smiles at their cute interaction, but of course Aoi ruins it.

"Hey, who do you guys think is gonna win this?!" Sayaka shoots Aoi a disapproving glance, but the swimmer either doesn't notice or doesn't care. She probably hasn't even been listening, being too preoccupied with the fight they're about to watch. "There's no way Sakura-chan is _not_ gonna win!"

"Oogami-san looks so powerful. I don't think she would lose against anyone on the planet." Mikan says before Sayaka can even think about voice her own opinion, surprisingly enough. It's unlike her to be the first one to speak up. "She is the Ultimate Martial Artist for a reason, isn't she? Mukuro-san is the Ultimate Soldier, which means she has mostly trained with weapons. Since they're not fighting with weapons, I think Mukuro-san has the disadvantage here. I-I'm still rooting for her though..."

"I'm placing my bets on Mukuro! She may be not as big and muscular as Oogami-san, but I believe in her!" Sayaka figures she might as well humor Aoi, since Mikan's doing the same. "It's true that she isn't as experienced with hand-to-hand fighting as Oogami-san, but she's still good at it. And maybe how quick and agile she is can turn the disadvantage around too!" Even though Mukuro mentioned to her that she would most likely lose this fight, Sayaka still has faith in her beloved.

"I really have no idea who's going to win myself. Both of Mikan-san's and Sayaka-san's arguments make sense." Makoto muses. He scratches his cheek, smiling. "I guess I'm going to say Mukuro-san is going to win, to even it out."

"Alright, it's decided! The losers have to be on the team that's opposing Mukuro-chan next time we play laser tag!" Aoi proposes. Or more like _declares_.

"Who decided that? I didn't agree to that!" Sayaka protests. She'd really rather be on Mukuro's team next time.

Aoi smiles smugly. "But I thought you have so much faith in Mukuro-chan!"

"... Okay, you're on!" Sayaka fires back, knowing fully well that's only what her friend, who's being uncharacteristically crafty, wants. Well... crafty for _Aoi_ , at least. It's probably because she really doesn't want to be on the losing team again during their next laser tag session. Like how some parents are capable of lifting extremely heavy cars when their children are in danger, Aoi can be sneaky when it's about losing at a game.

"Don't Mikan-san and I get to have a say in this?" Makoto asks, slightly offended.

"I-I don't mind the bet." Mikan interjects.

"Oh! Then I'm fine with it too!" Sayaka giggles at the quick turnabout, causing Makoto to give her an annoyed look. If he wants to stop being teased over that, he should probably stop acting like he's Mikan's overly concerned grandfather all the time.

"It's starting!" Aoi exclaims in a hushed tone, coming startingly close to squealing. Out loud, she yells: "Sakura-chan! Mukuro-chan! Do your best!"

Watching Mukuro and Oogami turn to them, both smiling slightly, Sayaka decides to follow Aoi's example. "Do your best, both of you!"

"Yeah, do your best!" Makoto offers loudly as well.

"Pl-Please don't injure each other too badly!" Mikan shrieks.

"Don't worry, Mikan-san. That's what we have this... safety equipment for." Mukuro replies. Sure enough, she picks up a big white chest protector from the pile of protective gear next to the huge mat.

"Indeed," Oogami says in her deep, gruff voice. "Safety should come first. Sustaining a serious injury from a mere sparring match would be foolish. Thank you again for... proposing the safety equipment, Tsumiki-san."

Mikan's face reddens. "O-Oh, th-that's okay..."

Sayaka suppresses a snicker. 'Proposing the safety equipment' is putting the whole thing lightly. One thing's for sure, she would _not_ want to be on the receiving end of Mikan's anger. _Ever_. And that anger three days back was pretty subdued, too. She can't imagine what it'd be like if Mikan got genuinely furious.

Once Mukuro and Oogami have put on the protective gear, Aoi gets up from her seat and walks towards them. In front of the huge mat, she turns around. "Okay," she says loudly, a look of concentration on her face. "So here's the rules: this is gonna be some kinda fusion between point sparring and full-contact sparring, along with some other different stuff. There's gonna be five rounds, each lasting for two minutes. If either person can ring the other one out or make them unable to fight in some other way before that, they win. If neither can, whoever has the most points at the end wins. Points are awarded for successful strikes against body parts, but the fight won't be broken up after a successful hit either. Each body part has its own amount of points, and some are illegal to strike..." After taking a deep breath, Aoi begins rattling down more of the rules, and the sheer fact that she could remember all of this proves how seriously she's taking it.

Sometime during that, Owari enters the gym and, after a short wave to them, sits down on another bench, all the while staring intently at Mukuro and Oogami.

Once Aoi's done with her lengthy explanation of the rules, which she pulled off so admirably well that Sayaka had the urge to clap, she steps aside to let Mukuro and Oogami enter their 'ring'.

The fight starts.

... Or it almost does, anyway.

"On the left!" Aoi yells, suddenly jumping in front of the mat again. Oh God, of _course_ she would. "We have Oogami Sakura, sometimes called 'the Ogre' for her immense strength. Even though only jerks who don't really know her call her that and-"

"Hina." Sayaka's never heard Oogami's voice sound so flat before.

"Sorry! Let's do this again." Aoi clears her throat. "On the left! We have Oogami Sakura, the Ultimate Martial Artist, well known for kicking the butt of any karateka, judoka, or taekwondoin who is foolish enough to dare challenge her! Although she may be a gentle soul deep down, she won't hesitate to destroy you in a fight with her awesome might! Oh, that rhymed!"

Sayaka cheers and claps loudly, because she might as well. Makoto and Mikan quickly follow her example. The fact that Oogami looks like she wants to sink into the floor while Mukuro has possibly the blankest expression she's ever had on her face just makes the whole thing funnier, really.

"And on the right!" At this point, Aoi acts like she's holding an invisible microphone in front of her. "We have Ikusaba Mukuro, the Ultimate Soldier, sometimes known as 'Killer Queen'. Or was it ice queen? Not sure! Anyway, don't let those adorable freckles fool you! Like a venus flytrap, she'll lure you in with her cute face and then devour you whole!"

They cheer and clap even louder at that. Or Sayaka does, anyway. She can't speak for Makoto and Mikan, but she does it partly as an outlet for the laughter bubbling up inside of her. Owari, it seems, has no qualms about that, judging from the snorting laughter Sayaka can hear behind them.

"Are you ready for blood?!" Aoi shouts to the two fighters, blissfully unaware of their embarrassment. There's no way she didn't prepare herself by watching wrestling matches or something before this. She gets no response from either Mukuro or Oogami, but clearly doesn't care. "Then let the first round begin! Three! Two! One!"

With her heart pumping wildly in her chest, Sayaka leans forward, her eyes focused on Mukuro's face. There is excitement on her beloved's face, much like what Sayaka feels herself, but there is also something else. Something that frightens her, but she couldn't explain why. She doesn't understand why it _would_ frighten her... because Mukuro looks happy. Delighted, even.

Sayaka's throat suddenly feels very dry. Her intuition is telling her that something is very wrong, yet she has no idea why. Although... something about Mukuro's face does seem off. Something about that smile.

It makes sense, doesn't it? Mukuro just wants to have a good fight. It's only natural that she'd smile. Or grin.

(But that grin on her face is too wide. Too... wolfish.)

"Start!"

* * *

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I can't believe I'm splitting this up, but here we are. This got way too long. Also to be fair to me, writing a fight scene is really tough!
> 
> I'm not gonna take two weeks for the next chapter this time though, considering these two chapters belong together. It's the least I can do!


	6. November II

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My gf drew some art of the last chapter: https://inacron.tumblr.com/post/174046247401 (or at least how Asahina imagined it)
> 
> I probably wrote way more about the fight than I needed to and probably didn't do a good job with it either, since I never really wrote an action scene before, but oh well! It was kinda fun to write, and that's what matters! I think!
> 
> Hope you all enjoy!

* * *

 

As soon as the signal is given, the grin on Mukuro's face disappears in a flash.

She rushes forward with a speed Sayaka severely underestimated and aims a kick at Oogami's right side using her left foot. Oogami twists out of the way, then retaliates with a chop directed at Mukuro's head.

Mukuro dodges with a swift sidestep and, while she's still turning, follows that with another, much higher kick than before, this time with her right foot. Oogami blocks it with her left forearm, making an attempt to grab it, but the foot is gone again before she can get a hold on it.

Mukuro doesn't let up. Showing incredible limberness, she raises her left knee and dishes out a kick unlike the previous two. It almost looks like she's attempting to draw a circle with her foot. Like a whip, it lashes across Oogami's trunk protector -- or it _almost_ does. At the last moment, Oogami manages to take a step back, narrowly avoiding Mukuro receiving the first point of the day.

Oogami takes advantage of Mukuro's current vulnerability, as well as the length of her legs. Seemingly a split second after evading the attack, Oogami, moving deceptively fast for someone of her size, takes a swift step forward with her right foot and, turning around, delivers a kick of her own to Mukuro's left side with her left foot.

Although Mukuro tries to dodge it, the kick connects, the force of it knocking her to the ground.

Covering her mouth with her hands, Sayaka gasps.

Mukuro is far from defeated, however. Bracing her fall with her right hand, her left foot rushes forward, practically lunging at Oogami's stomach. It's something Oogami either didn't expect or saw coming too late -- Mukuro's attack hits her, sending her stumbling back a step.

"Sakura-chan gets two points, for hitting Mukuro-chan's trunk protector with a turning kick! Mukuro-chan gets one point, for hitting Sakura-chan's trunk protector with a kick!" Aoi calls out.

Before Aoi's even finished speaking, Mukuro launches herself at Oogami again, sending kick after kick to pierce through her opponent's defenses... but while Mukuro may be dominating the fight, Oogami still makes it obvious she was invited to the school as the Ultimate Martial Artist for a very good reason. She either blocks or dodges all of the attacks sent her way, never caving in to the growing pressure unleashed on her.

Oogami does dish out some punches, chops, jabs, and kicks of her own, yet Mukuro evades them all, albeit some only barely. It's obvious that Mukuro has a lot more trouble with Oogami's attacks than vice versa, but her sheer relentlessness more than makes up for it.

Near the end of the round however, Mukuro doesn't manage to twist out of the way of one of Oogami's counter attacks in time. The punch almost sends her to the floor again, and this time Oogami follows up with another kick, but Mukuro stays on her feet, wrenching her forearms between her trunk protector and her opponent's foot to block the attack. The force of it sends her staggering backwards a few steps, but otherwise leaves her unharmed.

"Sakura-chan gets one point, for hitting Mukuro-chan's trunk protector with a punch!" Aoi calls out.

Mukuro doesn't retaliate with another flurry of attacks, instead trying her best to keep her distance from Oogami until the round ends, presumably to catch her breath a little. She's successful, having avoided everything Oogami's tried to hit her with when Aoi's whistle signals the end of the first round.

"The current score is: Three points for Sakura-chan, one point for Mukuro-chan!" Aoi informs everyone loudly. "Round Two starts in a minute!"

The break, albeit short, is welcome. Sayaka is glad Mikan managed to convince them that merely thirty seconds weren't enough.

Still... Sayaka swallows. The fight is absorbing and incredible to watch, yes, but... watching it also fills her with anxiety. It's too intense. She had the serious urge to jump from her seat and run over a few times during this when it looked like one of Oogami's powerful attacks was going to hit Mukuro, despite that her doing so wouldn't have achieved anything. Not to mention, how she felt her heart jump and her breath hitch when her beloved was actually hit those two times.

Is she really right in thinking that Mukuro has been the dominating fighter in this? It sure _feels_ like it considering Oogami is on the defensive for most part, but the score says something else. She can't see the look on Mukuro's face right now either, which means it's impossible to get a read on her beloved's thoughts on the matter.

She turns around to glance at Owari, who is staring intently at the ring in the middle of the gym. Sayaka doesn't know how being the Ultimate Gymnast translates into being so eager to fight, but the simple fact that she _is_ means the girl from the upper class is no doubt more experienced than her when it comes to that kind of stuff. Even though Oogami implied she'd beaten Owari with ease that one time, she also complimented her and said she looked forward to fighting her again. That should be pretty high praise, coming from the Ultimate Martial Artist.

"Excuse me, I'm gonna ask Owari-senpai some stuff about the fight." Sayaka tells Makoto and Mikan, both of whom nod at her in response. They both look rather nervous as well -- seems they have mixed feelings on the fight so far just like her.

When she stands up and walks towards the bench Owari is sitting on, she spots someone else leaning against the gym's entrance further back. Junko raises her hand in a small wave when she sees Sayaka's eyes on her, followed by Sayaka returning the gesture. Well, it seems obvious that Mukuro would tell her sister, so that's nothing to be surprised about. She wonders why Junko wouldn't want to sit with them though. Maybe she doesn't want Mukuro to see her and get nervous or anything like that?

Not that Mukuro ever seems to take her eyes away from Oogami, though.

"The second round is about to begin!" Aoi's voice shatters the silence in the gym and Sayaka's thoughts at the same time. "Three! Two! One!"

Having no time to think further on Junko or ask her about it, Sayaka sits down next to Owari, smiling brightly at her. She gets a mildly confused frown in response, but there is no objection.

"Start!"

Sayaka's eyes jump back to the huge mat that's supposed to be a ring, just in time to watch Mukuro deliver more kicks aimed at Oogami's trunk protector, being as aggressive as she was in the first round. If not even _more_ aggressive, really. That's probably why she was so passive at the end of the first round -- to conserve her energy for the second one. Well, Sayaka's theory of Mukuro having to catch her breath is sorta related to that, isn't it? She likes to think it counts as her being right.

Just like in the first round though, Oogami blocks or dodges all of the attacks, no matter how fast or strong they seem to Sayaka. They do give her enough trouble to prevent her from launching more than just a handful of counter attacks, but they aren't enough to get close to really doing any damage either.

"Why isn't Mukuro trying something else? This isn't working." Sayaka quietly mutters to herself, glancing at the girl sitting next to her.

"'Cuz she can't do much else," Owari replies, fortunately doing what Sayaka's wanted her to. "Or at least she thinks she can't. Junko's big sis is fast and strong, but Ogre- shit, I mean Oogami. She's better."

Watching Oogami forced back, if only slightly, by Mukuro's attacks, Sayaka feels compelled to defend her beloved's performance. "What do you mean Mukuro 'can't do much else', Owari-senpai? And if Oogami-san is so much better, how come she is on the defensive?"

"They're both fightin' smart," Owari says, never as much as glancing away from the match for even one second. "Junko's big sis is bein' hyper aggressive, 'cuz she doesn't wanna give Oogami the chance to attack. Wants to wear her down until she screws up. Maybe bankin' on her losing patience or gettin' frustrated, makin' her throw an attack that'll leave her wide open." She grunts. "The first thing? It'd work on most people. The second thing... it'd work on me. But Oogami? She's too disciplined for that. She doesn't attack recklessly. She waits for an opening, all patient."

Sayaka listens to the words with skepticism, but what Owari is saying does make some sense. Is Mukuro really attacking so persistently, because she knows she'll lose if she gives Oogami any time to launch her own attacks? "But Mukuro spent the end of the last round on the defensive, and she was fine." Sayaka mumbles, more to herself than to Owari.

Owari responds anyway. "It was only twenty seconds left or so. Junko's big sis must've thought she could make it through that, maybe use the time to catch her breath or somethin'."

"I guess so." Sayaka admits reluctantly, kind of bummed that Owari has the same theory _she_ thought of. Now she can't dismiss it. It'd be stupid to dismiss it anyway though, wouldn't it? Considering her reason for sitting with the older girl in the first place was to listen to her expertise.

She continues watching the at least seemingly even fight.

A moment that stands out to her is when Oogami dodges another one of Mukuro's kicks that leaves the latter wide open, but doesn't retaliate even though Mukuro is obviously vulnerable.

"Why didn't Oogami-san attack her?" Sayaka wonders in a quiet mutter.

Owari shrugs. "Only thing I can think of is Junko's big sis tried to fool Oogami by leavin' herself open on purpose. Sneaky. I dunno how Oogami's noticed it, I'm not close enough. Maybe she saw her foot tensin' up or somethin'."

"I guess that makes sense." Sayaka says, even though she's feeling completely clueless. "You know, 'Junko's big sis' has a name. Ikusaba Mukuro." She points out wryly, while watching Mukuro do some more of those fancy circle kicks.

"Sorry. Didn't know her last name till now." Oogami mutters back. She whistles. "Damn, Ikusaba's dishing out some seriously powerful crescent kicks." Oh, so that's what those are called!

"Why is Mukuro mostly using kicks anyway?" Sayaka asks.

"I'd say she's tryin' to keep her distance. She knows damn well Oogami would be too much to handle otherwise. The few punches she's thrown so far were only when Oogami was too close to her and she wanted some breathin' room." Owari answers. "Or hell, maybe she's just better at kickin'. Who knows?"

Although the second round seems to mostly be even, when it's close to the end Oogami manages another successful strike against Mukuro's trunk protector. Mukuro evades the ensuing second, third, and fourth attacks, but the fifth attack hits her again, making her noticeably stagger from it. Sayaka winces, while Aoi declares another two points in Oogami's favor.

Mercifully, Aoi's whistle puts an end to the round before Mukuro gets hit again. Sayaka takes small comfort in the fact that both Mukuro and Oogami always dodge or block the attacks aimed at each other's heads. She can't imagine what would happen if those hits connected...

"The current score is: Five points for Sakura-chan, one point for Mukuro-chan! Round Three starts in a minute!" Aoi shouts.

Sayaka isn't sure she can take another three rounds of this, but she can't just chicken out and leave. It would surely hurt Mukuro's feelings. It's not like anyone got seriously hurt so far either, right? It could happen though. She may have told Mikan that both Mukuro and Oogami are experienced fighters who know how to avoid doing real damage to each other, sure, but the longer she's watching this...

She isn't just the only one either. Makoto and Mikan both look nervous and tense. So does Owari, to a lesser extent. No, that's not really accurate. She's more like... thoughtful, almost? A far cry from the image Sayaka got of her when Oogami had described the girl's hotheadedness in the past. Aoi, instead of cheering or yelling or what she'd usually do during this, is utterly quiet other than when she has to call something out regarding the match. Sayaka doesn't know about Junko, but she hasn't heard anything from her so far either, which seems unlike her.

Mukuro and Oogami are both quiet too. Apart from the sounds that naturally come with fighting, neither of them has made a noise yet, not even when they got hit. Sayaka has no idea why she feels uneasy because of that in particular, but she just doesn't like it. It feels off to her.

With a sinking feeling in her stomach, she waits until Aoi starts Round Three.

"The third round is about to begin! Three! Two! One! Start!"

This time, it's Oogami who attacks first.

She jabs at Mukuro's head. Mukuro ducks under it and attempts to punch Oogami in the stomach, but her left fist is caught and she receives a kick to her own stomach. While she manages to block it with her elbows, the attack nearly knocks her down again.

Oogami doesn't stop there though, and the fight becomes a lot less even than before.

Mukuro is incredibly fast and dodges a lot of Oogami's attacks, but...

"Sakura-chan gets one point, for hitting Mukuro-chan's trunk protector with a kick!"

Slowly but surely...

"Sakura-chan gets one point, for hitting Mukuro-chan's trunk protector with a punch!"

Oogami is beating her, slowly overwhelming her defenses with the monstrous strength that must have gotten her that 'Ogre' nickname.

The round feels excruciatingly long. Owari and her don't speak for its entirety... there is nothing that needs to be asked or said.

When it's what must be just a few seconds before the end, Oogami attacks with a flurry of kicks that look like they could kill someone if they connected. Mukuro dodges them all, except the last one, which hits the side of her head. It causes her to be thrown off her feet with such force, that it nearly makes Sayaka's heart stop.

"S-Sakura-chan gets three points, for hitting Mukuro-chan's head protector with a kick!" Aoi calls out in a shaky voice, obviously not far from how Sayaka is feeling herself.

Even worse, the attack isn't over yet. While Mukuro is laying on her side, Oogami raises her foot to kick her again.

Sayaka knows they specifically mentioned that kind of thing was allowed for this match and that Oogami most likely just wants to ring Mukuro out to put an end to the fight, but a part of her wants to run over there and yell Oogami into submission for even thinking of doing that anyway.

In fact, she's just about to yell when Mukuro suddenly propels herself forward and drives her fist into Oogami's stomach. She follows with another punch to the head, but Oogami stops the fist in its tracks by catching it inbetween her foreams, pushing Mukuro back for good measure afterwards.

Before anything else can happen, Aoi blows into her whistle, signalling the end of the third round. "Mukuro-chan gets one point, for hitting Sakura-chan's trunk protector with a punch! The current score is: Ten points for Sakura-chan, two points for Mukuro-chan! Round Four starts in a minute!"

Sayaka lets out a breath she's been holding for what feels like an hour.

"It sure is impressive so far, huh?"

Nearly choking on that very same breath, Sayaka turns her head into Owari's direction, but it's not the girl from the upper class who's spoken the words. "Junko-chan? I didn't notice you sitting down."

Owari, sitting in the middle between them, has her head turned towards Junko too. "I didn't either. You sure can be sneaky when you wanna be, Junko."

"I just wanted to see the fight from up close. More or less." Junko replies, in the same subdued voice Sayaka and Owari have been using with each other. "I noticed you two talking to each other before and figured there'd be something interesting to listen to, since Akane-chan is totally into fighting and all."

"Didn't know you liked watchin' fights. I remember you tellin' me you get worried when I fight, so you don't wanna watch that." Owari mumbles. She almost seems... jealous. Sayaka wonders if she's just imagining it.

"'Course I get worried, but it's something else when Mukuro-chan is the one fighting. I know for sure my big sis isn't gonna get hurt. She's the toughest person I know." Junko sounds so confident in her words, like she's just stating a fact, that Sayaka feels some of her worries lessening. If only slightly.

Owari lets out a non-committal grunt. "Oogami's beatin' her, but if you say so. I'm just surprised you can stomach this, is all."

"Isn't that why you love me, Akane-chan? I'm full of surprises." Junko says, giving Owari a flirtatious wink. Owari looks surprisingly bashful at the response, causing Junko to giggle quietly. Sayaka feels her brows raising at the scene. "Besides, this is gonna be closer than it looks now. Trust me."

"Do you think Mukuro is going to win?" Sayaka asks her.

Junko grins. "I don't know who's gonna win, but... that just makes it exciting. It's gonna be close though, that's for sure."

"The only times your sis managed to hit Oogami were when she caught her off guard. She's good, but Oogami's just better." Owari argues, and Sayaka hates that she has to agree with it.

"There's a reason Mukuro-chan didn't go on the offensive this time. You'll see."

Sayaka frowns at Junko's mysterious words, but she would know Mukuro better than anyone else. Ever so slightly, she feels her confidence in Mukuro rising again in spite of everything she's seen so far.

"The fourth round is about to begin!" Sayaka pays attention to the ring again. "Three! Two! One! Start!"

As soon as the last word leaves Aoi's mouth, Oogami starts to attack again just like in the third round, immediately putting pressure on Mukuro. Sayaka leans forward, biting on her lower lip.

Yet, oddly enough, Mukuro is doing a lot better this time. She doesn't seem to be having nearly as much trouble as she did in the last round, managing to evade Oogami's attacks a lot easier than before and even launching some counter attacks of her own. She still doesn't win any points, since Oogami's defenses are too good, but it's an improvement over Round Three for sure.

The fourth round, all in all, seems to be somewhat of a stalemate. Neither Mukuro nor Oogami score any points. Not that it makes the fight boring. Sayaka still is on the edge of her seat and Owari is practically vibrating with excitement next to her while the two fighters on the mat trade punches, chops, jabs, and kicks with each other.

Near the end of the round, it almost seems like Mukuro is gaining the upper hand too, but Sayaka can't be sure of that.

"I don't get it," Owari says after Aoi signals for Round Four to be over and repeats the same scores from before. "Why's Ikusaba suddenly a match for her?"

"Told you." Sayaka doesn't have to look at Junko to know she's sporting a smug smirk.

"How'd you know?" Owari asks. "There's no way you've seen your sis fight someone as strong as Oogami before. How'd you know this would happen?"

"I just know my precious big sister. Better than _anyone_." Junko declares. When Sayaka turns to look at her, Junko is staring at the ring with a wide smile. "I wonder if there's enough time for her to win. Two minutes isn't much, but who knows?"

"Eight points is a lot for so little time," Sayaka mutters. "But I hope you're right, Junko-chan."

"Just 'cuz she's fightin' evenly now doesn't mean Ikusaba's suddenly gonna score any points." Owari says, still skeptical. Sayaka can't blame her, but she wants to believe in Mukuro. Junko just repeats her words from before.

"You'll see."

They all give their attention to the ring again when Aoi starts announcing Round Five.

"The fifth and final round is about to begin! Three! Two! One!"

Mukuro and Oogami are visibly tensing up, both wanting to be the first to attack.

"Start!"

Oogami is just a little faster than Mukuro, the former's right hand delivering a powerful chop to the latter's head. Mukuro, almost as if she saw it coming, ducks under it and attempts to drive her fist into the seemingly unguarded stomach in front of her, but Oogami catches the punch with her other hand.

Mukuro seems to have expected this too, however. The moment her fist is caught, she dishes out another one of those crescent kicks. Oogami blocks it with her right forearm, but Mukuro isn't done yet. With her remaining hand, she delivers a jab to Oogami's head. It doesn't hit her, courtesy of the bigger girl's incredible reflexes, but it succeeds in making her retreat backwards and causing her to let go of the fist she was holding.

While Oogami is still recovering from that attack, Mukuro doesn't waste any time in dishing out one kick after another, some of which Oogami blocks, some of which she ducks under or side steps to evade. They don't hit her, but she's forced backwards further and further, coming close to being ringed out.

Right when a ring out seems eminent, Oogami lunges forward. She sends a few punches at Mukuro, but they're all dodged with relative ease. It manages to give her some breathing room, but it also seems to leave her open by quite a bit -- or at least so Owari grumbles -- which Mukuro proceeds to take advantage of.

Proving Owari right, Mukuro lands two hits in a row. The first time with a crescent kick, as quick as a whip and probably as painful for anyone not wearing any safety gear, and the second time with a kick that... well, Sayaka isn't entirely sure. When Oogami tries to counter attack after the first hit, Mukuro gracefully spins out of the way, almost like a ballerina, and, while turning, jumps into the air and kicks Oogami in the side of her head.

Sayaka gapes at the scene, a mixture of awe and unease surging through her as she watches Oogami visibly having to regain control of herself after such a powerful hit. Apparently feeling similiarly to her, Owari mutters a subdued: "Whoa."

Mukuro continues her assault, but Oogami regains control quickly enough, dodging every kick sent her way. She retreats backwards to the middle of the ring, maybe hesitant to be on the offensive after what just happened. Mukuro doesn't push her attack, content with slowly moving along with her opponent.

Aoi, apparently having been floored too, finally collects herself. "... Mukuro-chan gets one point, for hitting Sakura-chan's trunk protector with a kick. And four points, for hitting Sakura-chan's head protector with a turning kick! That was a roundhouse kick or something, I swear!" She marvels, breaking out of her uncharacteristic seriousness for a moment. "That was awesome... err, sorry."

No one chastises her for losing focus. Sayaka doesn't think anyone would have any right to do that anyway.

The fight turned around so suddenly. True, Oogami did avoid a ring out and is in a better position than before, but at a pretty severe price. Once again, yet in a different way than before, Sayaka feels the sheer intensity of that match even though she knows little of fighting. And seeing as Owari is practically vibrating again, she isn't the only one.

"And two points turn into seven." Junko says with an air of self-satisfaction, almost as if guessing her thoughts. Sayaka thinks she's earned being smug, to be honest.

Mukuro starts to attack again, but this time she puts a lot less pressure on Oogami than before. The attacks almost seem... probing or something. Sayaka wonders why she isn't repeating the thing she'd done that got her all those points, especially since this is the final round, but Mukuro would know better than her.

Still, she voices her thoughts out loud.

"I guess Ikusaba thinks it wouldn't work a second time," Owari suggests, chewing on one of her fingers as she watches the match in front of her. "And it probably wouldn't, not on Oogami. I dunno if this slow stuff is gonna work though. It's almost the end."

"Mukuro-chan is waiting for Oogami-san to attack her again." Junko tells them. The same wide smile from before is on her face when Sayaka glances at her -- either that or she hasn't lost it.

True to Junko's words, Oogami attempts to score a hit with a flurry of kicks only a few seconds afterwards. They don't connect, but Mukuro is forced back a little. Oogami advances, throwing everything from normal punches to turning kicks. Albeit none of them are successful, Mukuro remains on the defensive, not getting the chance to fight back.

When it almost seems like Mukuro is going to be in the same ring out situation as Oogami was before, she dodges one particular kick and finally launches a counter attack of her own. Her lunging kick hits Oogami in the stomach, sending the giant girl stumbling backwards, and is followed by another kick that's high enough to convince Sayaka that Mukuro is at _least_ as flexible as she is.

Oogami, however, shows remarkable flexibility of her own. Bending backwards like she's about to go limbo dancing, she narrowly evades Mukuro's second kick. She even blocks a third kick with both of her forearms right after that, although the force of it combined with the unsteadiness of the position she's in does send her to the floor for the first time in this match.

After catching a kick to her head, Oogami pushes Mukuro backwards using the hand she's caught the leg with and swiftly gets up before there's another attack.

"Mukuro-chan gets one point, for hitting Sakura-chan's trunk protector with a kick." Aoi calls out.

That means Oogami has ten points in total, while Mukuro has eight. It's getting pretty close. It must be pretty close to the end, too.

Oogami attacks with yet another flurry of kicks, all of which look very similiar to those crescent kicks Mukuro's been using. Mukuro ducks under the first, blocks the second one with her left forearm, ducks under the third one, twists out of the fourth's way, and, right after turning, finally catches number five with both of her hands. Then, she turns again and delivers a harsh kick right into Oogami's stomach that sends the latter staggering back.

"Mukuro-chan gets two points, for hitting Sakura-chan's trunk protector with a turning kick." Aoi shouts excitedly.

Sayaka swallows, very excited herself. It's a draw right now. Faintly, she notices Owari getting up from her seat. Maybe she can't handle sitting down for this anymore.

It's Mukuro's turn to dish out some kicks. None of them connect, but Oogami blocks most of them rather than dodge when it's been the reverse up until now. Her defenses are slowly crumbling, and Mukuro soon hits her trunk protector with another crescent kick, which Aoi counts as another point for her.

Eleven now, compared to Oogami's ten! Mukuro's winning!

Sayaka gets up from her seat like Owari, unable to contain herself any longer. She wants to cheer her beloved on, yet finds herself unable to even make a noise right now. All she can do is stare at the match.

Her nervousness is still there, but more than anything she's absorbed in the fight.

In spite of her success, Mukuro doesn't take a break to reflect on it or anything like that. She continues her attack, just as relentless as she was at the start of the match. Kick after kick gets sent against Oogami's defenses, slowly pushing her back. It works. Oogami is vulnerable after a particularly vicious attack, which Mukuro takes advantage of immediately.

This, however, turns out to be an error of judgement.

Sayaka gasps as Oogami traps the leg between her arms, her foot slamming right into Mukuro's stomach a second afterwards, sending her flying to the ground. Oogami follows with another powerful kick, but Mukuro somehow has it in her to perform a backflip after that attack and evades it.

Right as Mukuro looks like she wants to throw herself forward again, the shriek of Aoi's whistle pierces the air.

"The match is over! Sakura-chan gets one point, for hitting Mukuro-chan's trunk protector with a kick!" Aoi calls out for the last time today. "The final score: Eleven points for Sakura-chan, eleven points for Mukuro-chan. It's a draw!"

Despite Aoi's declaration, there is an eerie, oppressive silence afterwards instead of cheering or anything else. Neither Mukuro nor Oogami move from their respective positions, their eyes firmly on each other, both looking only seconds away from continuing the fight.

"What's she doin'?" Owari mutters, almost whispers. Doesn't she mean: 'What are _they_ doing'?

"Who?" Sayaka asks, just as quietly as Owari, unable to wrench her eyes away from the standoff on the mat.

"Ikusaba. She looks like she's about to pounce and rip Oogami apart or somethin'." 

Sayaka doesn't know how to tell the difference between Mukuro's and Oogami's postures, but somehow... Owari's words don't sound false to her. Wetting her lips, she says out loud: "That was a great match, Mukuro. Oogami-san." She walks towards the ring, noticing out of the corner of her eye that Makoto and Mikan slowly stand up from their bench as well.

Neither Mukuro nor Oogami pay any attention to her, not even subtly.

"Err, guys? The fight is over." Aoi reminds the two uncertainly.

"Y-Yeah!" Sayaka hears Makoto says from somewhere behind her. "It was really amazing!"

"A d-draw is great. It's like- like both win!" Mikan adds, in a happy voice that makes it painfully obvious she's trying to defuse the situation.

None of it works. Mukuro and Oogami remain silently still, like statues.

"Hey, you two!" Sayaka says loudly, now standing next to Aoi in front of the huge mat. "I get you wanna continue, but it's over! You both agreed on five rounds."

Finally, after a moment that feels longer than it probably was, Mukuro relaxes and takes off her head gear. Oogami does as well, causing the tension in the air to dispel.

"If you had been more defensive after that kick to your head, you would have won." Mukuro tells her opponent, as if accusing her of something.

"I could say the same to you. You did not need to continue your attacks after overtaking me. There were only a few seconds left." Oogami replies. She crosses her arms. "In my case, it would have been counterproductive. A win, to me, does not mean as much as a good fight."

Mukuro stares searchingly into Oogami's eyes for a brief moment, then nods. "I suppose I felt something similiar."

Suddenly, someone behind Sayaka starts clapping loudly. Everyone turns to the sound.

"What an awesome match!" Junko cheers, practically bouncing as she's approaching the mat. "You did _soooo_ well, Mukuro-chan! You too, Oogami-san! Akane-chan was getting totally fired up!"

"Yeah!" Owari yells, walking next to Junko with decidedly less bouncing. "Thanks for invitin' me, Oogami. I tried really hard to pay attention like you said! I think I've learned a lot!"

Oogami inclines her head towards her. "I am glad to hear you say so, Owari-san. I can see you have been taking your training seriously."

"You came after all, Junko-chan?" Mukuro asks, almost looking flustered. Well, it could also be the exhaustion she must be feeling. She steps off the mat and approaches her sister, sporting a small smile, while Owari starts showering Oogami with questions.

Junko pouts. "'Course I did, Mukuro-chan! Geez, you think I'd miss the opportunity to see you kicking ass? I mean, it was a draw, but _still_. I expected you to lose, y'know?"

"I expected a loss as well." Mukuro says.

"Weeeell, you _almost_ won! You _may_ have for real, if you hadn't... y'know! Held yourself back!"

"Well... we both had to hold ourselves back."

"I guess! But you know what I mean, don't you?" Junko slings one of her arms around Mukuro's shoulder, but the latter winces at the contact. "Oh, my bad! Even with all that safety gear, you still must've gotten a few bruises here and there. How about we go to my room? I'm gonna take care of it."

"I-I could do that!" Mikan suddenly blurts out, next to Sayaka. She glances at the nurse, who's currently twiddling her thumbs in a nervous fashion. "You don't have to trouble yourself, E-Enoshima-san. I'm the Ultimate Nurse..."

Junko beams at her. "You're so dedicated, Mikan-chan! But Mukuro-chan will be fine. I'm used to tending to her when she's sick or gets injured, so don't you worry about that!"

"If you really don't mind taking care of me, Junko-chan..." Mukuro mumbles.

"Nope, I don't!" Junko takes Mukuro's hand and starts dragging her to the gym's exit, waving back to Sayaka and the others meanwhile. "See ya later, everyone! Again, awesome match!"

"See you later, everyone." Mukuro echoes to them, though the only one she is looking at is Oogami. "It was a good fight, Oogami-san. Thank you."

"Indeed, it was. You have my gratitude as well." Oogami calls after them, frowning at the abrupt way the two sisters are leaving. Sayaka finds it odd herself, but that's just how they are. Apparently.

Sayaka frowns. Mukuro didn't even pay any attention to her. Not to Aoi, Makoto, and Mikan either. Just to Oogami and Junko. She shouldn't feel hurt over something so insignificant, but somehow she feels hurt anyway, if only a little. Mukuro's behavior has been... strange regarding all of this. And now Sayaka can't even ask her about it. Well, maybe she will be able to later, but still...

The unease she's felt all through the match is here again.

 

-

 

There is a short silence once Mukuro and Junko have left. Surprisingly, it's not Aoi who breaks it.

"She really wanted to fight some more, huh? Junko practically had to drag her out." Owari snorts, not quite in amusement, but close to something similiar.

"This seems to have been the first challenging match for Ikusaba in a long time," Oogami responds, as if musing out loud. "It is understandable that she felt irritation when it ended too early. I admit I would not have minded another round myself. Even though I am not sure I could have won."

"How did she turn this around?" Owari asks something Sayaka's been wondering too. "So quickly, too! I don't get it. How did she even keep up to begin with? You're the Ultimate Martial Artist. Soldiers aren't weaklings or anythin', but they're not supposed to be this good either."

"Ikusaba is not as physically powerful as me, nor is she as skilled in any of the martial arts the two of us share. That is why she had difficulty keeping up with me at first." Oogami states in a low, thoughtful tone. "However, she possesses an immense versatility that even trumps mine. I have spotted traces of taekwondo, karate, savate, muay thai, and many more, even something that resembled capoeira... all of them used expertly. It is obvious to me that she was trained by multiple people who were all clearly masters of these martial arts."

"But you're a master when it comes to all those martial arts, Sakura-chan." Aoi argues. "I'm confused. There's no way Mukuro-chan is as good as you, just 'cuz she knows a couple more."

"It is not merely the fact that she is so versatile, it is because she combines them all and is able to switch between them whenever she pleases. It makes it hard to predict her attacks, and her speed only adds to that. I also think that she is much more experienced than me, in a way." Oogami replies.

"How's that?" Sayaka can't stop herself from asking anxiously. "You've been training all your life, Oogami-san. You've fought against a lot of people, haven't you?"

"I have. Nevertheless, Ikusaba..." Oogami stops talking, lowering her head. Then, she raises it again. "No, I apologize. I do not wish to speak my own assumptions out loud in such a manner. It would be disrespectful towards Ikusaba."

Sayaka keeps her mouth forcefully shut, preventing herself from asking more. Oogami is right -- she shouldn't talk about this kind of thing in front of everyone.

"You kiddin' me?!" Owari exclaims, having no such reservations. "That Ikusaba chick was ready for murder by the end of this. I felt it in my gut! Whoever trained her must've seriously fucked her up! I mean-"

"Owari-san!" Oogami says. It isn't quite a yell, but close enough to make Owari recoil. "I will not allow you to talk about Ikusaba in such a tactless, gossipping manner."

"... Sorry." Owari mutters.

"Oogami-san," Mikan breaks the short, awkward silence after that exchange in her gentle voice. "You probably have bruises just like Mukuro-san. P-Please let me look at them in my room..."

"Very well." Oogami nods at her. "Thank you, Tsumiki-san."

"I'm gonna take care of the mats and the safety gear!" Aoi declares. "Just leave it to me and Makoto!"

"Me?" Makoto asks intelligently. "Uh, okay! Sure!"

"I'm gonna help too." Sayaka says through the haze currently in her mind, forcing down the impatient, anxious feeling in her chest for now.

Owari gives her support as well. While Mikan and Oogami go to treat the latter's injuries, the rest stay and take care of the mess in the gym.

With their combined efforts it doesn't take long to put the mats and safety gear back to where they belong. After they say their goodbyes to each other, Sayaka walks back to the dorms. She doesn't go back to her own room though... she waits in front of Oogami's.

She needs to ask some questions.

When Oogami arrives a few minutes later, she merely gets a questioning look. Swallowing, Sayaka asks: "Can we talk in your room, Oogami-san?"

"... Yes." Oogami answers, not bothering to ask any questions of her own.

After she walks in and Oogami closes the door behind her, Sayaka turns around without wasting any time. "I want to know if Owari-senpai was right back there," she says calmly, her voice not showing just how nervous she's feeling, how anxious. "I realize you want to respect Mukuro's privacy and it may be inappropriate for me to ask about it, but I'm really worried. If- if Mukuro..." She swallows, trying to gather her thoughts. "If she really wanted to... I want to know." She hesitates. "I want to help."

After a long pause. Oogami sighs. "I can see your good intentions, Maizono. I will not insult you by talking around this subject. Yes, Ikusaba clearly wanted to kill me." Sayaka sucks in a sharp breath of air, feeling like she's about to vomit. "However," Oogami adds. "She was holding herself back severely, throughout the entire match."

"But... she wanted to..." Sayaka whispers. She sits down on Oogami's bed behind her, not caring that it's rude to do so right now. "Oh God. Why? Why did she...?"

"Maizono," Oogami says in an unusually soft tone. "You need to understand that this is most likely how Ikusaba has been trained. When I listed how many different martial arts she could use earlier, I left some out. Do you know what krav maga is?"

Sayaka nods slowly. "It's... a really violent fighting style, right?"

Oogami snorts. "Accurate enough. That is one of the least violent ones Ikusaba has been using. Or perhaps I should say... least lethal. During our match, I noticed her using various techniques that are clearly meant to kill or maim the other person, yet Ikusaba showed remarkable restraint in how she used them. In spite of what she may have felt inside, she never attacked me in a way that would have killed me or done me a serious injury. She was in control of herself the entire time."

Sayaka says nothing in response. She doesn't trust herself to speak right now.

"I see I need to explain this better." Oogami murmurs quietly to herself. Louder, she says: "When I said Ikusaba was more experienced than me, it was not because I think she has fought more than I have, but rather that her fights have been different from mine. I have never had the need to fight for my life before, but it is very likely that she has."

The words are like a painful sting to Sayaka's chest, even if it's obvious that Mukuro must have been in life and death fights before. She is a soldier, after all. "So what you're saying is..." Sayaka mumbles, slowly looking up at Oogami. "Mukuro only had that urge to kill, because she's so used to it when she's fighting? Because of her past? She can't help it?"

"That would be my guess, indeed." Oogami answers.

"Why was she acting like that when it was over though?" Sayaka asks. "She looked like she was ready to attack you some more."

"She was, no doubt. She almost did," Oogami concedes. "However, you need to consider that Ikusaba is most likely not used to friendly sparring matches that end when somebody blows a whistle. She needed some time to get her bearings. It is hard to explain, but I think she had a difficult time accepting a draw as well. I believe even a loss would have bothered her less than a draw."

Sayaka frowns. Owari mentioned she had gotten that impression too when they were cleaning up earlier. "Why?"

Oogami shakes her head. "I cannot say."

There is a brief silence. Sayaka gets up from Oogami's bed, suppressing a sigh.

"I'm sorry for bothering you with this, Oogami-san. Thanks for answering my questions." Sayaka tells her. She's sincere, but it's hard to sound very cheerful right now. She wants to ask more as well, but she doesn't think she can take much more right now. She needs to be alone for a while.

"I hope I managed to clear some things up." Oogami replies.

 _'Partly,'_ is what Sayaka wants to say, but out loud she says: "You did. Thank you."

She leaves Oogami's room. Not quite as anxious as before, but still anxious enough.

What on earth happened to Mukuro? To make her like this?

God, she wants a cigarette.

Sayaka forces both of those thoughts of her mind, for the time being.

In her own room, Sayaka takes a shower, thinking about how they should have had a self-defense lesson like every other Sunday today instead. Mukuro teaching her, Mikan, and Makoto how to defend themselves from attacks... yes, that would have been preferable to that sparring match. She shaves her legs, lamenting the fact that body hair is not considered attractive by the general public, then brushes her teeth.

Afterwards, she does the homework they've gotten over the weekend, taking some small breaks to listen to music inbetween. Euphony Star finished their new album back during the summer holidays, but Sonou plans to release it around Christmas. For sales, or something. She rather likes the songs on it.  **Pink Daydreams** in particular. She's pretty sure Makoto is gonna love that one. Is Mukuro's favorite song still  **Wish Ensemble**? Sayaka wonders.

Mukuro...

Sayaka looks over to Pinky and Momo, who are laying on her pillow whenever they aren't in her breast pocket.

Then, she looks over to her laptop.

Gnawing on her lower lip, she puts it in front of her and turns it on. Junko's words echo in her mind.

_"That military organization wasn't exactly... legal. I can't tell you the name, but they were basically a terrorist group."_

Not a lot of information to go on... but there is more. What Mukuro told her.

_"The organization was destroyed by another one."_

Still not enough. But... there is still something. The tattoo.

_"I got it back when I was with... the people I trained with. It was supposed to be a mark of loyalty."_

Sayaka searches the internet for hours, trying every possible combination she can think of. Most results don't lead to anything and those that do lead to somewhere are mostly inconclusive speculations, but there _is_  one thing that stands out. Dead soldiers with the tattoo of a wolf on their hands, found in all kinds of locations all over the world. Laying dead next to the corpses of revolutionaries, nationalist armies, members of other notable terrorist groups... one source claims they're obviously a mercenary group, not a bunch of terrorists. They have no preference, the source argues. They'll just fight for anyone who pays them -- whether it's an oppressive government or the group currently fighting the oppressive government doesn't matter to them.

And yes, the group has supposedly been destroyed. More than one source mentions that.

Fenrir, is what the group is apparently called. Sayaka continues looking. She finds an United Nations report that she doubts is on the internet legally. While it doesn't mention them by name, the information checks out with other things she's found and basically confirms that the group has been destroyed. Most sources agree it was the UN who finally put an end to them, but a few mention a different organization. A weird name, for sure. It must be some kind of coincidence...

But she sees that organization mentioned somewhere else, in one of the Fenrir reports. At one of the battlefields Fenrir was fighting on, someone had supposedly left a message afterwards, made of... body parts. The name of that weird sounding organization, spelled with legs, arms, heads...

Sayaka feels like retching when she reads that.

She keeps searching, unable to help herself from wanting to know more, growing increasingly horrified with what she finds.

It's late into the night when she comes across a particularly awful report of something that Fenrir had done.

"No," Sayaka whispers strongly to herself. "Mukuro wouldn't do that. She wouldn't..."

Mukuro would _never_ kill children. There's no way.

She turns off her laptop. She can't look at more of this. She has what she needs already...

Sayaka goes to bed afterwards, her head feeling like it's going to burst from everything she's found.

She falls asleep surprisingly quickly.

 

-

 

Sayaka spends most of Monday going through motions, feeling detached from Mukuro and her other friends.

When they ask her about it, she smiles and tells them she's just in a bad mood today. It's not technically a lie.

After school, she tells Mukuro she doesn't feel well enough to talk today. Mukuro accepts it easily, and Sayaka goes back to her dorm room feeling slightly ill. Guilty, even.

She stays in her room for about an hour, shuffling nervously around, before leaving and walking to someone else's dorm room.

Before she rings the doorbell however, she hesitates.

Is this really the right thing to do? It feels like she's going behind Mukuro's back... she already has done so by asking Oogami about that stuff yesterday, hasn't she? And now... this? Isn't this wrong? Shouldn't she wait for their conversation that's only about a month away? Doesn't Mukuro deserve this much trust?

But...

Sayaka wants to be prepared, for what Mukuro is going to tell her. She still has faith in her beloved, it's just that she needs to know more... the context. How can she just wait around and do nothing while she learns more and more horrifying things about what Mukuro's past must have been like? Surely, it can't be wrong to want further information.

Besides, this isn't about Mukuro as much as about the... people she had to suffer for so long. Isn't it?

Resolutely, Sayaka rings the doorbell. When the door opens, she smiles wanly at the girl in front of her. "Kirigiri-san," she says. "May I bother you for a few minutes?"

Kirigiri Kyouko looks at her passively for a moment, like she's prone to do, before nodding. "Come in, Maizono-san." Sayaka does, and closes the door behind her. Crossing her arms, Kirigiri frowns at her. "Now, what's your business?"

"I need you to gather information for me," Sayaka tells her, appreciating the other girl's bluntness. "You're the Ultimate Detective, right?"

"Yes," Kirigiri admits more easily than Sayaka thought she would. "What information are you talking about?"

"I'm willing to pay you for it, but I'll understand if you don't want to do it. I'm asking for information that involves terrorist organizations." Sayaka explains, hoping Kirigiri won't freak out and shove her out of the room immediately.

"I see." Kirigiri says, seemingly unbothered by this revelation. Not that Sayaka has _really_ expected an unflappable girl like Kirigiri to express shock. "I might be able to help. What information do you possess already? Do you know the organization's name?"

"Yes. I want to know everything you can find out about an organization called Fenrir." Sayaka hesitates. Is that other organization really worth mentioning? Her intuition says it's important, but... "There is another one too, but I'm not sure it even exists. I wouldn't blame you if you found nothing on them -- it's pretty obscure, I think."

"It won't hurt to mention it." Kirigiri says.

"It's a really silly name. It's probably some kind of joke." Sayaka giggles nervously, but Kirigiri doesn't lose her serious expression.

"Well?"

"It's called... Ultimate Despair."

* * *

 


	7. December I

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's another damn two parter! Same like last time, I'll post the second one next week instead of two weeks later. It just got so big!
> 
> I can promise that the next chapter will definitely conclude Symphony though. Finally. I just got a bit carried away... again.
> 
> On a happier note, my gf drew some great art again: https://inacron.tumblr.com/post/174508825771 (damn, Mukuro looks kinda evil in that one. I wonder why.)
> 
> Hope you all enjoy!

* * *

 

The three weeks following her request to Kirigiri, Sayaka tries her best to act like everything is normal.

She talks to Mukuro like usually, jokes with her like usually, smiles at her like usually... yet, there's an uneasy feeling. One she can ignore when they're with their other friends, but not when they're alone with each other. She knows why, though that doesn't make it easier to bear.

Doubts. Suspicion. Fear.

Objectively, Sayaka knows she isn't unreasonable in feeling all of these things. Even so, that doesn't change the fact that there is a sickening guilt that comes with all of it. It doesn't change that there is a nagging voice in Sayaka's head that tells her snooping around in Mukuro's background without her knowledge is wrong.

The other nagging voice that tells her she needs to be prepared for what Mukuro is going to tell her before they speak to each other is stronger, however.

Today, exactly three weeks after her request to Kirigiri and exactly one week before Christmas Eve, the feelings Sayaka's been trying to repress threaten to spill over and she can almost hear the phone cracking due to her grip on it. All because of one text message.

 **Kirigiri-san:** I have the information. I'm going to come by your room at around 8 p.m., unless you have any objections.

Sayaka knows she's overreacting, knows she's being unreasonable. She knew Kirigiri would have the information ready for her today, too. There's no reason for her to freak out over it.

She supposes a part of her was hoping Kirigiri would tell her she couldn't find anything, but Sayaka knows that's no excuse. She asked for the information herself. Taking a deep breath, she types something back.

 **Sayaka:** Thank you, Kirigiri-san. I don't have any objections. 8pm, it is.

She usually doesn't bother typing perfectly over text, but typing in her typical sloppy manner would make her feel like she didn't take the situation seriously enough. Besides, there's something about talking to Kirigiri that would make her feel kinda embarrassed if she didn't reply properly.

8pm is later than Sayaka expected, but Kirigiri probably has a lot of other things to do. Besides, it's convenient. 8pm means there's plenty of time today for both the cat thing and Christmas shopping. She just hopes Mukuro has enough time too.

Right after sending the text to Kirigiri, Sayaka writes another one.

 **Sayaka:** operation silver tabby is on for today, remember?

She gets dressed while waiting for the reply. Yukari isn't exactly a morning person. Or an any time of the day person, really. Morning is still definitely the worst time to contact her though. When Sayaka is done, she is surprised to see that her bandmate has already answered.

 **Yukalele:** yuo fukcin wok emeup

 **Sayaka:** sorry! you should get ready for class though. i did you a favor :)

 **Yukalele:** die

 **Sayaka:** just say yes or no! are you bringing kirara? pleeeease? :(

 **Yukalele:** you ow e me

 **Sayaka:** thanks :D

Satisfied, Sayaka puts her phone into her breast pocket, next to her two plushies. With both Pinky and Momo it's getting a bit crowded in there, but seeing as the smartphone she bought herself is really slim there's more than enough space.

She's glad Yukari's keeping her word. It wouldn't be unlike her to withhold her cat out of spite. Now all that's left is Mukuro.

After applying her make-up, doing her other daily feminine rituals, and checking herself in the mirror when she's done, Sayaka makes her way to class with a smile. A smile that becomes slightly strained when she walks by Kirigiri, and returns to being more genuine when she arrives at Mukuro's desk.

"Good morning, Mukuro!" Sayaka chirps, watching with delight as Mukuro's face brightens up just from hearing her voice. It's still like this pretty much every time Sayaka greets her in the morning even after half a year has passed. She doesn't think she'll ever get tired of it. She glances at Makoto to greet him next, but he doesn't seem to notice her. Or notice _anything_. "Is Makoto-kun asleep?"

"Good morning, Sayaka." Mukuro replies. She turns her head to look at Makoto, who's sitting motionlessly in his seat, his face pressed against the textbook laying on the desk in front of him. "I'm not sure. He was already in class when I got there. I think he was doing his homework. Should we wake him up?"

"Let the poor guy sleep. It's not like the English teacher ever collects homework anyway. More importantly!" Sayaka internally crosses her fingers. "Do you have any plans for this afternoon?"

"No, I don't." Mukuro replies. Sayaka is relieved to hear it. She hasn't expected Mukuro to have any plans for today, but Junko might have wanted her this afternoon for something too. It's never certain with these two.

"Then do you mind doing some Christmas shopping with me after school?" Sayaka asks. With a wink, she adds: "I have a surprise at the studio afterwards!"

"I don't mind. I was kind of nervous about Christmas shopping, actually." Mukuro admits. "I'm glad you asked me."

Sayaka hums in agreement. "Picking out presents is always tough! Well, two minds are better than one. I'm sure we'll find something nice for everyone. I've already gotten a present for my bandmates, Mikan-san, Makoto-kun, and Komaru-chan though. Only you, Junko-chan, Aoi-chan, Komaeda-senpai, and my Dad are left."

"That's a lot of gifts." Mukuro says, kind of sounding like she's in awe. Makes sense, Sayaka supposes. The biggest amount of presents Mukuro has probably gotten for others is around three -- for her adoptive parents and Junko. "You're giving one to Makoto-kun's little sister as well?"

"Of course! How could I not? She's one of my precious Sayakers! I would give my life for her!" Sayaka states heroically. When Mukuro merely gives her a dubious look, she giggles. "Okay, maybe not," she admits. "Seriously though, I'd feel bad if I didn't. Makoto-kun's been teasing her with my help for half a year -- it's the least I could do. I kinda like the thought of her freaking out over it."

"What are you giving her?"

"Not in front of Makoto-kun." Sayaka glances at the boy in question. His face is still pressed against the textbook on his desk, but that's not enough for her. "He could pretend to be asleep. Or wake up at the wrong time."

"He wouldn't do something that sneaky," Mukuro dismisses. She's probably right about that, yeah. "But I suppose he might wake up suddenly. It's fine, I can wait."

"Good!" Sayaka chirps. "Class starts in a few minutes anyway."

"I'm tired!" Seemingly out of nowhere, Aoi shows up next to Sayaka all of a sudden, slumping down on Mukuro's desk with a suffering groan. "Ugh! Morning, everyone!"

"Good morning, Aoi-san." Mukuro says casually, like Aoi didn't just assault her desk with her upper body.

"Morning, Aoi-chan." Sayaka glances at Makoto as she says her own greeting, amazed that the boy hasn't been woken up by the commotion. Grinning, she looks back at Aoi. "What's wrong? Don't tell me you've been studying late into the night?"

"What? No! Why would I do that, since Mukuro-chan's told me I don't gotta?!" Aoi exclaims, causing Mukuro to admonish her immediately.

"Aoi-san, please don't say that out loud. Also," Mukuro gives their energetic friend a disapproving look. "You told me you would still make an effort to study."

"W-Well, yeah! I do! T-Totally!" Aoi stammers nervously. She couldn't be less convincing if she tried. "But come on! What kinda nerd studies right before Christmas?"

"I do." Mukuro answers in a flat tone.

Sayaka giggles at the alarmed look on Aoi's face. "Uh, I mean! Just means you're smart, ya know? Not like I'm insulting you, honest!" She coughs. "Anyway, what's with Makoto? He's taking the whole burying your nose in a book thing kinda literally!"

"Maybe he studied too much." Mukuro's tone is still rather flat, like she's about to add: 'Unlike some other people'. Instead, however, she says: "I should wake him up before the bell does."

Makoto stirrs a bit when Mukuro prods his shoulder, but doesn't react otherwise. She prods him a little harder. When that doesn't work, she seizes his shoulder and shakes him, which finally does the trick. Makoto blinks rapidly, and he blurts out: "I'm awake, mom!"

There are about three seconds of awkward silence between them in the otherwise noisy classroom. Then Aoi bursts out laughing. Sayaka quickly follows suit, only feeling slightly bad at how Makoto's face is getting as red as a tomato. The mix of bewilderment and embarrassment on Mukuro's face, on the other hand, just makes her laugh a bit harder.

"Oh- oh geez!" Sayaka hiccups. "Mom! It fits. It totally fits. The way she's always fussing over Mikan-san... like a mother hen!"

"She is!" Aoi agrees, still giggling just like Sayaka. "Remember when someone ran into Mikan-chan and Mukuro-chan nearly beat that girl up, 'cuz she thought it was on purpose? She's totally like an overprotective mom!"

"It _was_ on purpose. I saw it." Mukuro mumbles, her face noticeably getting pink.

Sayaka smiles at that. It only gets wider when she notices how Makoto is staring down at his textbook, adamantly trying his best to ignore the entire situation. "Come on, Mukuro," she says cheerfully. "You had a motherly moment with every single one of us. Remember when I said that I'd been forced to eat less because of my idol career and you immediately tried to give me all of your lunch?"

"What? No one's ever told me that! That's so cute!" Aoi exclaims. "Sayaka-chan's right! Remember when that one stupid boy made a weird comment about my boobs and you, like, nearly beat the crap outta him?!"

"I didn't beat him up," Mukuro protests. "I just told him to be more respectful."

"After slamming him against a wall! You said you'd beat him up, too! It was kinda scary!" Despite her words, Aoi sounds pretty delighted.

"... I didn't beat him up." Mukuro repeats.

"What about you, Makoto-kun?" Sayaka asks the boy sweetly, suppressing a giggle when she sees him wince. Didn't she half-heartedly tell herself that she should stop teasing people that much at one point? Well, not important! "Surely, you have such a memory too!"

"Uh." Makoto says intelligently. He looks at Mukuro, presumably for support, but the blank stare Mukuro is giving him doesn't seem to offer much of that. "Well..." Suddenly, his expression becomes more determined. "If I tell you, promise that... what I just did back there is something you won't tease me with. Ever."

"You're not the one getting teased right now." Mukuro mutters.

Paying her no mind, Sayaka considers Makoto's deal. "Hmm. You drive a hard bargain, Makoto-kun!" She can't believe he's so willing to throw Mukuro under the bus. "Fine. Deal!" Apparently, he hasn't realized that Aoi isn't included in that. That's too bad for him.

"Okay, so. Uh..." Maybe to make absolutely sure Mukuro doesn't mind, Makoto gives her another searching look. She doesn't seem to object though, seeing as he continues after a moment. "One time, Oowada-kun was really insistent that I fight him. Because that's... male bonding or something. He wasn't really clear about that. I told him I wasn't any good at fighting -- it was before I started self-defense classes with you guys. Anyway, it's like he didn't hear what I said. He said I could punch him first to give him a handicap. I guess my reaction to that was pretty bad, since he accused me of thinking he was a weakling or something. And uh... it looked like he was going to punch me out of anger. I'm sure he wouldn't have though, even if Mukuro-san hadn't caught his arm!"

Sayaka isn't remotely surprised that Makoto is making excuses for one of their classmates being a jerk. It's just the kind of person he is. She finds it admirable, though she disagrees with how lenient he is. "I don't think Oowada-kun is a bad person, but he still shouldn't have done that. You shouldn't make excuses for him, Makoto-kun." She tells him firmly. "I'm glad Mukuro stopped him."

"Did Mukuro-chan break Oowada's arm?!" Aoi asks, in a curiosity similiar to how Sayaka expects she'd react to a really engaging tv show.

"I didn't break his arm," Mukuro says to Aoi. "Did you ever notice any bandages, a cast, or a splint on him?"

"Don't interrupt the story!" Sayaka chastises both of them, though mostly Aoi. "Please continue, Makoto-kun. What happened after Mukuro stopped him?"

"R-Right." Makoto says, having a kind of horrified look on his face. Maybe because he imagined Mukuro breaking Oowada's arm. "Mukuro-san caught his arm and she said uh..." He trails off awkwardly.

"What?" Sayaka questions.

"... That she'd break his arm if he did anything like that again." Makoto mutters, defeated. That sounds about right, Sayaka supposes. Not at all happy with ending the whole thing on such a negative note though, Makoto adds: "But Oowada-kun did apologize afterwards! In his own way!"

"I'd apologize too if Mukuro-chan threatened me!" Aoi quips.

"Oowada-kun really meant it! I'm sure!" Makoto argues.

"It doesn't matter if he meant it or not. What's important is that he hasn't done anything like that since." Mukuro says. She looks at Makoto intently -- it's almost a glare. "Right?"

"Right! He hasn't, I promise!" Makoto almost sounds like he's pleading for Oowada's life.

"Aw, Mukuro-chan. You're so protective of your son!" Aoi teases.

"Mom of the year." Sayaka adds. She wishes she could tell everyone that story when Mukuro got a few students who'd called Komaeda cruel names to stop, but Mukuro asked her not to tell anyone afterwards, adamant that she was really only doing it for Mikan's sake anyway. Whether that's true or not, it was still a nice moment.

Fortunately, for Mukuro and Makoto, the bell rings and the teasing is cut short. Oh, well! Sayaka supposes Aoi and her have had enough fun anyway.

Since it's the last week before the winter holidays start, the teachers are lax with their lessons. The class mostly talks about the upcoming holidays and how everyone's going to spend them. Sayaka wonders how Mukuro and Junko are going to spend them, but when she hears Celeste ask Junko about it, the answer is vague and non-committal.

Mukuro hasn't really told her about it either, said that Junko is still thinking about it. Maybe they'll just stay in the dorms at school.

When it's time for lunch break, Mukuro leaves to fetch Mikan like the last few times, seeing as it's too cold to eat lunch on the roof at this point. They bring Komaeda and Nanami with them as well, the latter of whom has begun to join them recently.

Just like the last few times he's been in their classroom, Komaeda gets roped into a few matches of blackjack against Celeste. She loses some rounds, although wins most of them. She may claim that she plays against Class 77th's Ultimate Lucky Student merely to improve her talent, but Sayaka isn't fooled. The way Celeste is visibly basking in the admiration and praise that Komaeda can't help but heap upon her makes it obvious she's mostly doing it for all the compliments. She does seem to genuinely have fun playing against him too, though.

Nanami, meanwhile, is leaning half-asleep against Mikan while the nurse tries to get her to eat some of her lunch instead of playing on her gaming console the entire time. Unlike Ishimaru, class 78th's class president, that sleepy girl doesn't really give the impression of having the same position from the few times Sayaka and her have interacted, but she knows better than anyone that looks can be deceiving. Mikan claims Nanami is an amazing class president, so Sayaka firmly believes the same. She trusts her friend.

A bit into lunch break, Makoto gets Kirigiri to eat with them too while Aoi does the same with Oogami. Those two girls prefer to spend lunch break alone and reading something for most part. Sayaka is pretty surprised her two friends have managed to get them to join. Kirigiri and Makoto eventually end up playing cards with Celeste and Komaeda, while Mukuro, Aoi, and Oogami have a very in-depth discussion about sports. Sayaka herself spends most of it playing video games with Mikan and Nanami. She isn't very good at them -- it's still fun though! Nanami is close to despair when she tells her she's never, in fact, played Sonic the Hedgehog before, but for most part everyone's getting along great.

Almost a shame it has to end.

(She isn't sure whether she's thinking about just today or not.)

 

-

 

Just a week before Christmas, the mall is naturally hell on earth.

Sayaka considers herself lucky for having someone like Mukuro around, who isn't afraid of shoving people out of the way or snatching things away from them before they can get to it first. Sayaka considers asking Mukuro not to do either of those things, but it's not as though the people there are considerate either. And, well, they both do need to find some presents still.

Figuring Komaeda is the easiest person to get a present for, they decide to focus on him first. Sayaka chooses a keychain with various good luck charms on them. She has to make sure to tell him it's meant as an open acknowledgement of his talent, not her telling him he needs to get more lucky. Mukuro buys an artificial bonsai tree, which seems strange to Sayaka at first, but she's certain Mukuro knows what she's doing.

Sayaka immediately knows what Aoi's present is going to be as soon as she sees it: a shirt with the words 'I Donut Care' written on them, the 'o' being a doughnut. Sayaka finds it hilarious and she knows Aoi will love it too. Mukuro, on the other hand, settles for something far more practical: diving goggles, fins, some weird net thing that's supposed to be worn on the legs...

Aoi probably has all that swimming and diving gear already, but every piece Mukuro buys is ludicrously expensive, high-quality stuff. Sayaka almost feels bad for settling on something so simple and cheap in comparison.

As it turns out, Mukuro has already gotten something for both Makoto and Mikan, meaning there's only Junko and Sayaka left for her, provided she won't get anything for her adoptive father. Sayaka still has Mukuro, Junko and Dad left.

She's already spoken to Mukuro about their presents for each other. First, Mukuro asked everyone to only get her one thing and ignore that it's both Christmas and her birthday. Same for Junko. Sayaka kind of wanted to give her two things. She won't complain though, and especially not about Junko. Second, after they've gotten everything else, they'll split up and pick a present for each other on their own. It's a good thing Sayaka already has a present for her.

Surprisingly enough, it doesn't take her long to find a present for Dad, even though she's been worried about what she was going to get for him the most out of everyone. When she sees that mug with the words 'Cat Dad' on it, however, she just knows he's going to adore it. She would love to buy him something more expensive, yet she knows he would disapprove. Not openly, but still.

The remaining present is much harder. Mukuro's informed her that Junko is incredibly picky, so Sayaka thinks hard. Clothes, make-up, and accessories are all obvious picks, but they're _too_ obvious. Sayaka suspects Junko might roll her eyes at such a present. She needs to get something creative for her.

After some fruitless searching, they decide to take a break in their usual café at the mall. It's crowded, though thankfully there is still some space left for them.

"Don't feel bad, Sayaka," Mukuro says. She blows lightly on her green tea. "Junko-chan is very hard to please when it comes to gifts."

Sayaka stirrs her own green tea. She's been feeling at such a loss that she didn't even order anything more original than that, so she knows it's serious! "You don't say," she mutters. Louder, she inquires: "Remind me, what have we got so far?"

"You've gotten the good luck keychain for Komaeda-san, the doughnut shirt for Aoi-san, the cat mug for your father, and something for Mikan-san, Makoto-kun and his little sister, and your bandmates." Mukuro lists. "What did you get the others anyway? I didn't ask before."

"Euphony Star's newest album for Makoto-kun and Komaru-chan -- hand-signed! As for Mikan-san... you know how she always twiddles her thumbs or fidgets nervously?" Mukuro nods. "Well, I got her some stuff that'll hopefully help her anxiety. Like, a koosh ball, a stress ball, a snap bracelet, thinking putty... stuff like that. She's already made so much progress, and I think that could help her be even less stressed. I hope she won't think I'm patronizing her, though."

"I'm sure Mikan-san will like it." Mukuro says, so certain that it's almost impossible not to believe her. "What about your bandmates?"

"Oh, I know I'm saying it's for my bandmates, but it's kinda not." Sayaka giggles. "You see, for Christmas, everyone always just buys something for the studio in general, 'cause we all know it's a pain to get an extra four presents adding to all the other stuff. I bought a popcorn machine this time! We could always use some popcorn there." She just hopes Nana won't buy something awful like last time, where the whole room reeked as a result of it. Being more healthy can't possibly be worth having to endure such a terrible smell.

"I do remember you saying you wanted popcorn when we were watching movies with each other online." Mukuro recalls.

"Yeah! That would've really livened up some of those snooze fest movies we've watched." Sayaka chirps, smiling brightly. She remembers that well. Mikan had recommended an internet site where they all could watch movies together while everyone was apart from each other during the summer holidays. Sometimes it was just Mukuro and her, while at other times it was all five of them. There were all kinds of combinations between Mukuro, Mikan, Aoi, Makoto, and her.

"I suppose a lot of them were boring," Mukuro concedes. "I still had fun, since I was watching them with you."

"Aww!"

"Didn't you have fun as well?"

"Of course I did! But still... aww!"

Mukuro's cheeks tinge pink, and she tries to hide her mild embarrassment by taking a sip of her tea. "Anyway," she says afterwards, having composed herself. "Do you want to know what my gifts are?"

"Right, you haven't mentioned that yet either." Sayaka muses. "You have the bonsai tree for Komaeda-senpai and the swimming gear for Aoi-chan. What about the rest?"

"It's kind of stupid," Mukuro mumbles. "I've gotten framed prints of the Nightingale Pledge for Mikan-san and Makoto-kun. Since Mikan-san is already more or less a nurse, I thought it would be nice if she had something that reminds her of how highly regarded her profession is. And since Makoto-kun more than once mentioned that he isn't sure he has what it takes, I will give it to him in advance. Because I know he can do it."

"... That's really sweet, Mukuro." Sayaka murmurs, feeling flustered in the same way she always does whenever Mukuro is being extraordinarily cute and caring.

Mukuro blushes. "Um, that's not all," she begins sheepishly. "I've also gotten a framed print of the Hippocratic Oath for Mikan-san. She said she doesn't think she's good enough to be a doctor, so like with Makoto-kun I will give that to her in advance, to show her that I believe in her. Then I felt bad though, for giving Mikan-san two things when I only got one for Makoto-kun. That's why I bought a second gift for him too."

"Geez, you're really considerate." Mukuro can be so sappy... Sayaka loves it. She sighs dreamily. Then, however, she realizes Mukuro isn't continuing. "Wait, what's Makoto-kun's second present?"

"A hoodie." Mukuro pauses, grimacing. "... It was really late when I ordered it online. I picked the wrong one by accident. I only realized once it arrived."

Sayaka's curiosity is piqued. She has a feeling this is gonna be funny. Her lips curling up, she asks: "What's the problem?"

"Promise you won't laugh?"

"I'm not gonna promise that, sorry! Show me!"

With a pained look on her face, Mukuro pulls out her phone and shows her the order. It's a nice looking pink hoody, although there's something written on it in white.

"'Cute enough to stop your heart. Skilled enough to restart it'." Sayaka reads out loud. Biting her lower lip, she looks into Mukuro's embarrassed face. "W-Well," she says, close to laughter, imagining Makoto wearing that. "I mean... maybe he'll be fl-flattered?" She starts giggling uncontrollably.

"It's not funny." Mukuro mutters.

"It really is! Imagine-" Sayaka's own giggling cuts her off. "Imagine Makoto-kun unwrapping that in front of his parents and Komaru-chan. They'll never let him hear the end of it! I wish I could be there when it happens!"

"Unlike you and Aoi-san, I don't think embarrassing Makoto-kun is fun." Mukuro says flatly.

"You're making us sound like bullies!" Sayaka huffs. Besides, Aoi and her try to embarrass each other a lot too. It's not like they only have it out for poor Makoto. "Seriously though, why can't you just return it and pick another one?"

"By the time it arrived, every other hoodie related to nursing had sold out. So I thought... maybe he is going to like this one after all."

"Oh, come on," Sayaka says, knowing there has to be more to it than that. "Are you telling me this is seriously the only nurse hoodie you could find? You haven't even really looked at any clothing stores until now either! What are you hiding, Mukuro?"

"... When I told Junko-chan, she said she would never forgive me if I picked another hoodie." Mukuro admits after a short pause.

"That figures!" Sayaka laughs. "I might have said the same if I was her. That hoodie is pretty sweet." She smirks at Mukuro's sour looking face in repsonse to that, and has to internally remind herself not do overdo the teasing.

When they're finished with their tea and ready to continue their Christmas shopping, Sayaka feels the need to ask something. Both because she wants to know and because she wouldn't mind some kind of hint.

"Any idea on what you're gonna get for Junko-chan?"

"I'm not sure. I have some things in mind, but..." Mukuro trails off, a subdued unhappiness in her voice that makes Sayaka want to scoop her up in a hug.

"Hey, you've gotten a lot better at getting presents for Junko-chan, right? Those earrings that she lost, she loved them a lot!"

"I suppose." Despite the words though, Mukuro still sounds unhappy. Visibly suppressing a sigh, she says: "Either way, I don't think I'm going to find a suitable gift for Junko-chan here. I will find something later. Let's focus on what you're going to get for her for now."

Sayaka frowns, though it turns into a tentative smile after a second. "If you're sure? I could use the help."

Even with Mukuro's help though, it turns out to be hard. Even the few presents she does think would be nice are quickly rejected with a disapproving look. She's pretty sure Mukuro has more standards when it comes to Junko's wants than Junko has herself, but who knows?

After an hour of that, Sayaka finds herself getting a little impatient. She swallows down her complaints, reminding herself that Mukuro is only trying to help her. In her own, fussy, annoying, know-it-all big sister sort of way.

It's the first time Sayaka's ever gotten genuinely irritated at Mukuro. She's glad the negative feelings go away fast, and that it was only because of something minor and irrelevant. It's kind of cute even, in a way. Just another proof of how caring Mukuro is.

Eventually, Sayaka calls it quits out of frustration, figuring she can think of a present later when her mind is clearer. Mukuro and her split up after she tells her, since the only thing left is the presents they're going to give to each other.

One might think the present for Mukuro would be the hardest, but it's actually the easiest. Sayaka's known what she's going to give to Mukuro for weeks now -- she was merely waiting for it to be done.

She enters the jewelry shop, and is pleased to hear that her order's been finished. Sayaka looks at the two matching pendants with a smile. They're both nearly identical, with a slim chain and a ring attached at the end of it, the only difference being that one pendant is entirely made of gold and the other one is entirely made of silver. Also, the silver ring is slightly smaller and fits perfectly inside the gold ring.

The gold ring is for her, while the silver ring is for Mukuro. Sayaka connects them, joy filling her at how snugly the silver ring fits inside the gold ring. She likes what it symbolizes... it's kind of like she's holding Mukuro, isn't it? It's really cheesy, but she doesn't care.

While waiting for Mukuro at their designated meeting point, Sayaka suppresses her desire to take out the pendants and play with the rings some more. Mukuro might get a look at them, meaning there's no surprise! That can't be allowed to happen!

Thankfully, Mukuro doesn't take too much time. She seems in a pretty good mood, stirring Sayaka's curiosity. The birthday presents were amazing already. She wonders if Mukuro could top them.

They quickly leave the mall, both of them happy to finally get away from there. Sayaka wishes the dreaded Christmas shopping was over for her already, but at least only Junko is left. She might find something nice for her on the internet or something.

All in all, they've spent a bit more than three hours at the mall. Three hours normally wouldn't be that long, but it's a very long time for Sayaka when she doesn't get to window shop or try on nice clothes.

At least now that that's over with, Operation Silver Tabby can finally begin.

 

-

 

"Did you bring her?" Sayaka blurts out immediately after opening the door, eyes locking onto the two girls on the couch in their studio's relaxation room.

Lazily stroking the kitty that's on her lap, Yukari gives Sayaka a flat look. "Did I?" She glances down at her kitty. "What do you think, Kirara?"

Sayaka doesn't even care about the sarcasm. She practically hops towards the couch, staring at the cute silver tabby all the while. "Kirara!" She coos, sitting down next to Yukari. The kitty stares back at her for a moment, before averting her eyes again. It's only now that she notices Kirara is wearing a green sweater. "Aww, you're wearing a sweater! That's _adorable_!" She squeals. Turning around, she sees that Mukuro is still standing in the doorway, glancing warily at the scene. "Come on, Mukuro! Meet the cutest kitty you've ever seen."

"Okay..." Mukuro mumbles. She slowly closes the door, then makes her way to the couch. "Good afternoon, Mizuki-san, Aoba-san." She greets, sitting down next to Sayaka.

"What's up, Ikusaba-san?" Looking up from her phone, Satomi waves at Mukuro. She's on the chair that's as far away from the couch as possible, presumably to avoid Kirara attacking her.

"Afternoon, Ikusaba-san." Yukari looks up from her kitty to look at Mukuro while she's giving a lazy wave of her hand. The one that's not petting Kirara, that is. "Glad at least one of you is polite enough to greet."

"My bad! Hey, Yukari. Hey, Satomi." Sayaka says, paying barely any attention to her bandmates, being too focused on the kitty in front of her. "Hey, Kirara!" She says unnecessarily. Kirara yawns in response. "Aww! I'm happy to see you too!"

Yukari sighs, disgusted. "I forgot how intolerable you are around cats."

Sayaka harrumphes. "It's a compliment, Yukari. You should be proud of your kitty! I can't help it -- that sweater is just too adorable!" It's too bad she can't pet her yet. Kirara hates when anyone but Yukari touches her when she's on her owner's lap.

"I guess I could take it off." Yukari muses. "It's not like it's cold in here anyway."

"No!" Sayaka glares at her. "Kirara looks amazing in that sweater. Don't you, sweetie?" She coos to the kitty, who utterly ignores her. "Don't you?"

"... I don't think it understands you, Sayaka." Mukuro mumbles next to her.

"She does!" Sayaka argues. "Don't you, Kirara? Huh, sweetie?" Kirara continues to ignore her, merely purring as Yukari pets her with a gentleness she only reserves for her cat.

"How come Kirara never hisses at Sayaka when she's like this? Why does she have to hate _me_?" Satomi laments.

"That's because you're an inherently annoying person." Yukari replies. "Even moreso than Sayaka."

Sayaka sticks out her tongue at Yukari in response.

"Oh yeah?! What does that say about _you_ for loving me, Yuka?" Satomi asks smugly.

"Shut up, Sato." Yukari says, mostly out of habit than anything else.

"Can I have her, Yukari?" Sayaka asks, not teasing them for their flirting for once, her tone sugar sweet. " _Please_? I haven't petted her in months!"

"My heart is bleeding, Sayaka."

Yeah... Sayaka thought that might not work. Time to bring out the big guns. "Mukuro hasn't petted a cat ever, in her _entire_ life!" She can hear Satomi gasp in horror at that. "Do you really want to make her wait longer?!"

"Really?" Yukari asks, genuinely shocked. She looks past Sayaka, at Mukuro. "You haven't, Ikusaba-san?"

"Um... no." Mukuro says, taken aback by everyone's shock. She probably thought Sayaka would be the only one to get concerned over that, but she clearly underestimated how much people love cats!

"Yuka, you _have_ to let her pet Kirara!" Satomi exclaims.

Yukari sighs. "Fine. It's not like I'm entirely heartless. Here, Kirara." She picks Kirara up, who makes an inquisitive sound so cute that Sayaka wants to squeal again, and puts her on Sayaka's lap. "Let your favorite bluenette spoil you."

"Don't call me that." Sayaka mutters. She can't get upset though, with that cuddly ball of fur in her lap. "Hey, Kirara," she whispers softly, stroking the kitty's back. "Long time no see, huh?" Kirara yawns. "I've missed you too!"

"Come on, Yuka!" Satomi gets up from her chair and stretches. "Let's go get something to eat."

"What? But-" Yukari abruptly stops protesting when she looks at Satomi's face. Rolling her eyes, she scoffs. "Fine. Have fun, you two lovebirds."

"Thanks, you too!" Sayaka chirps, smiling extra bright at Satomi when her bandmate walks by. Satomi merely winks at her in response, mouthing something that looks like: 'Go get her'.

Yukari and Satomi exit the relaxation room, leaving Mukuro, Sayaka, and Kirara behind.

After a pause, Mukuro says: "The cat seems to like you."

"Cats love me. I'm, like, the cat whisperer." Sayaka boasts. She removes her hand from Kirara's back and stops stroking, smiling at Mukuro. "Go on, pet her."

Mukuro does. Slowly, she reaches down and begins combing through the fur on Kirara's back with her fingers, replacing Sayaka's hand. "The fur is really soft." She mumbles, an almost intrigued expression on her face.

"The softest." Sayaka agrees. She scratches the spot underneath Kirara's chin, receiving more of the kitty's purring in response. She sighs in bliss. The thing she almost loves more than petting a cat is feeling the warmth on her lap when she has one sitting on it. "Ugh! I want my own cat already. If I ever quit school early, it'd be because of that!"

"Really?"

"Well... no, maybe not!" Sayaka concedes. "But close enough, really. Wait!" She almost forgot something important. Carefully, she pulls out her phone and snaps a picture of Kirara. "For my Dad," she explains to Mukuro while in the process of sending it. "He loves cats almost as much as I do. He'll be totally jealous!"

"That explains the cat mug." Mukuro notes. She stops stroking Kirara's back for a moment, a thoughtful look on her face. "I hope it's alright for me to say that..." A tentative smile makes its way onto her face as she mumbles. "I'm glad you get along with your father these days."

Sayaka returns the smile. She's glad it doesn't feel bitter. "I guess I didn't give the impression our relationship was good at some point, did I?"

"Not at first, but I noticed it's improved over time." Mukuro replies. She resumes stroking Kirara's back. "You're going to spend Christmas Day with him, right?"

"Yeah! I'm gonna stay with him for three days or so, then return to the studio. I'm looking forward to it." Sayaka smiles at the thought. "What about you?" She asks. "I know Junko-chan doesn't like Christmas Eve, but what about Christmas Day?"

Mukuro shrugs vaguely. "I don't know. Whatever Junko-chan wants to do, I suppose."

"I see..." After some hesitation, Sayaka asks: "What about your dad? I know you said you're not close to him, but maybe you could use Christmas to bond a little?"

Mukuro frowns. She doesn't seem angry, just a bit confused. "Bond for what? There's no point in that."

"Well, I just thought that maybe..." Sayaka trails off, flustered. "Nevermind, sorry for bringing that up."

"It's fine."

After an awkward bit of silence, Sayaka says: "So, anyway, how do you like petting a cat for the first time?"

"It's nice," Mukuro answers, having slowly moved from Kirara's back to her head. "The purring is a bit loud."

"Just means she likes it!" Sayaka gently flicks Kirara's ears. The kitty opens her eyes, annoyed. Much to Sayaka's displeasure, she gets up. "Aw, wait! That was just two flicks!" Not listening to her excuses though, Kirara steps off her lap... only to immediately sit down on Mukuro's instead.

Mukuro blinks down at the kitty, uncertainty obvious in her face, though she resumes stroking Kirara's back anyway after a moment. The kitty purrs in approval.

Sayaka pouts. "Kirara, come back," she whines. "Mukuro isn't even petting you in just the right way. She's still an amateur!" Kirara, of course, ignores her pleading entirely.

"I think I'm doing fine." Mukuro says, almost like she's _gloating_.

"I shouldn't have shown you the magic of cats." Sayaka mutters, feeling very childish. "Glad you're enjoying this so much!"

"I enjoy everything when I'm with you, Sayaka."

Sayaka blushes. Mukuro's habit of sounding so matter-of-fact when saying the cutest things gets her every time. "Geez! Don't think I'll forget about this betrayal, just 'cause you said something sweet like that!"

"Betrayal? The cat went on my lap on its own." Mukuro points out.

"I don't care for your logic, Mukuro!" Sayaka pouts. "I just want to pet Kirara."

"You can still do that."

"It's just not the same! I'm close to dying of cat withdrawal here!" When Mukuro gives her a flat look, Sayaka giggles. "Sorry for the theatrics!" She chirps, and starts running her fingers through Kirara's soft fur once again. "God, I love silver tabbies. They're a close second to black and white cats."

"I think sphynx cats look nice." Mukuro offers.

"Yes!" Sayaka nods with enthusiasm. "Some people think they're ugly, but fuck those people! Sphynx cats are beautiful. Hairless cats are beautiful! All cats are beautiful! Anyone who thinks otherwise can suck it!"

"... I've never heard you swear like that before." Mukuro says, an odd reverence in her tone.

"I get very passionate when it comes to cats!"

"It's kind of cute." Mukuro mumbles, a shy smile forming on her face.

" _You're_ kind of cute." Sayaka fires back weakly, blushing.

"I could never be as cute as you."

Sayaka hums, like she's in thought, though she only does it to be teasing. "If that's true," she says quietly, fluttering her eyelashes at her beloved. "Then prove it by kissing me."

Tilting her head slightly, Mukuro moves in for a kiss without much hesitation. Sayaka meets her halfway, sighing into her beloved's mouth when their lips lock. She realizes they haven't kissed each other in too long, and quickly has the desire to make up for it.

Mukuro gasps softly when Sayaka deepens their kiss and presses herself closer to her beloved. Her brain feeling like mush, Sayaka clings to Mukuro like she's a lifeline, capturing her lower lip with her teeth and teasingly tugging on it.

Sayaka smirks when Mukuro starts breathing a bit heavier. She smirks wider when she notices how red her beloved's face has gotten after so little time -- Mukuro probably can't take much more than this.

Right when she contemplates asking Mukuro if she needs a break, however, her beloved grabs one of her shoulders and kisses her back. Hard. Sayaka makes an approving noise, her heartbeat getting dangerously fast.

Suddenly, Sayaka feels something tapping against one of her hands. She breaks the kiss, startled, and looks down at yellow eyes staring back at her. Kirara hits her hand again with her paw. If animals could look openly disapproving, Sayaka is sure Kirara would come close to it right now.

"Oh my God." Sayaka is unable to stop herself from giggling, despite her frustration at being interrupted. "I can't believe we did that in front of Kirara."

"I forgot the cat was here." Mukuro mutters, sounding as frustrated as Sayaka feels.

"Yeah." Sayaka sighs. "Well! Let's hope we didn't traumatize her for life,"

"Yes. Let's." Mukuro says flatly, an equally flat look on her face as Kirara rubs her head against Mukuro's hand, demanding to be petted again.

Although the attention seeking kitty ruined their intimate moment, Sayaka still treasures their time together with Kirara in the end. There's something about watching Mukuro pet a cute cat that's relaxing to look at. Almost magical, really. As for herself, Sayaka still loves petting Kirara and always will, ruined moments aside.

Well, maybe that was for the best. It would have been awkward if Yukari and Satomi had walked in on it. Satomi would probably knock first, but it'd still be awkward to quickly scramble away from each other.

Unfortunately, they can't stay too long. Due to the Christmas shopping taking around three hours, it soon approaches night time. When it's getting close to 8pm, Sayaka suggests going back to their dorms.

Mukuro doesn't ask why. Why would she? It's late, so why would she bother asking such a stupid question?

Yet, Sayaka still feels guilt seeping through her.

 

-

 

After saying goodbye to Mukuro, Sayaka patiently waits in her room. There's a strange, melancholic feeling in her chest.

She tries her best to suppress it.

Whatever will still happen today... whatever she'll find out about Mukuro... whatever Kirigiri will tell her...

It won't change today. It won't change how much fun she's had with Mukuro today. It won't change how much love she feels for her right now.

That's why today had to happen. She had to remind herself of how much of an amazing, lovely person Mukuro is. She might need that reminder after hearing what Kirigiri has to tell her. No matter what Kirigiri reveals about Mukuro's past, Sayaka needs to hold onto that thought.

When the doorbell rings, Sayaka sucks in a sharp breath. Slowly, walks towards the door and opens it.

"Hello, Kirigiri-san," Sayaka greets with forced cheer, although is unable to smile at the girl in front of her, not even wanly. "Would you like to come in?" She asks, stepping away from the doorway.

"Good evening, Maizono-san," Kirigiri replies. She's carrying a big suitcase that Sayaka eyes warily. "Please excuse me." She walks in, closing the door behind her.

"So," Sayaka begins, her forced is gone now that the door is closed. "What do you have?"

"More than I expected I would find." Kirigiri answers. She puts her suitcase on the nearby table and opens it. Sayaka is glad she was mindful enough to make space beforehand. "A lot on Fenrir. Less so on Ultimate Despair. Fenrir has definitely been destroyed though, I can tell you that much already."

"I see..." Sayaka mutters, mostly because she figures she should say something.

"Ultimate Despair's mere existence is doubtful because of a few factors," Kirigiri says. "But there is a lot of reason to believe such an organization exists too. One thing is certain -- the two organizations are linked with each other. The evidence is in here." She gestures towards the suitcase. "Every hint of Ultimate Despair's involvement in military strikes, terrorist attacks or any other atrocities has coincided with Fenrir's presence in the same area at the same time. I also have reason to believe that one or possibly more members of Ultimate Despair was or were part of Fenrir, perhaps to spy on them. I have one suspect in mind." She pauses, giving Sayaka a searching look. "Do you?"

"Mukuro." Sayaka whispers. "But... she... I don't believe it!" She exclaims. "That... thing with the body parts. Mukuro would never do something like that! Do you have any real proof?!"

For a moment, Kirigiri looks at her with something like pity in her eyes. It's gone in a flash. "If I had conclusive evidence that could hold up in court," she begins in a calm voice. "Ikusaba Mukuro would either be dead or in prison for international terrorism right now."

Sayaka bristles. "Who the hell do you think you are?" She isn't quite yelling, but not far from it. "Just because you're the Ultimate Detective doesn't mean you're always right! If the evidence can't hold up in court, then you might be wrong!"

"We have a long conversation ahead of us, Maizono-san." Kirigiri says, her voice still perfectly calm. "You're free to form your own opinion, but you should listen to the information I've found first." She crosses her arms. "Isn't that why you asked me for that favor? To find information?"

"Yes..." Sayaka murmurs, grimacing. "I'm sorry for that outburst. It's just... you don't know Mukuro like I do."

"Don't worry about it." Kirigiri dismisses. "Let's move on. The thing you will be most interested in is probably..." She rifles around in her suitcase for a moment, then holds up a tape recorder. "This."

"What's on that?"

"Fenrir was destroyed by a co-effort of the United Nations, but it wasn't just them. Most of Fenrir's bases and hideouts all around the world were raided by the UN after they had been notified of their locations by what I assume was a traitor. _Most_. Fenrir's headquarters had been severely damaged before the UN arrived. Some of the mercenaries survived the attack. A few committed suicide, either before capture or afterwards. The ones who didn't though..." Kirigiri puts the tape recorder on the table. "Maizono-san, I was in a high-security prison last weekend. It took a lot of convincing and favors, but eventually I got to talk with a surviving member of Fenrir."

Sayaka stares at the tape recorder on the table, then at Kirigiri. "You... what?"

"I need your discretion on this." Kirigiri continues, giving Sayaka a look intense enough she almost feels like taking a step backwards. "I am not legally allowed to possess this tape. No one knows I have it." She sighs. "I want to ask you something, Maizono-san. Now, I don't intend to withhold this tape from you. I'm going to show you regardless. However, I would like you to think about doing me a certain favor after this conversation."

Questions rapidly appear in Sayaka's mind. If Kirigiri isn't allowed to have it, how come she does? What favor is she talking about? What's on that tape, exactly? All she can say though is: "Um... I..."

"You don't have to say anything right now. After this is over, I'm going to remind you of it." Kirigiri assures her, although Sayaka feels anything but assured right now. Still, she forces herself to say something.

"Okay..."

Kirigiri nods. Her expression is grim, though there's an odd sense of satisfaction on her face as well. "As for that tape, that Fenrir member... we're going to listen to what he had to say later, after we've gotten over the other information. I'm going to tell you this though: That man was present during the destruction of Fenrir's headquarters. He saw what happened. He saw one of their members executing others. He heard when one of them had asked that certain person why they were doing this, and he heard the answer too. 'Despair', is what the response had been. He identified that certain person as 'Arachne', one of their most elite members.

"That's who I think the spy for Ultimate Despair was, as well as the traitor who had given the UN all those locations. That Arachne person wanted Fenrir gone. I don't know why, but I'm certain of it. And... that man described Arachne perfectly to me. There's no doubt in my mind that it's her.

"Tell me, Maizono-san... how many Japanese teenage girls with a proficiency for warfare do you think were in Fenrir?"

* * *

 


	8. December II

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And with this chapter, Symphony finally concludes! I'm going to try my best to update weekly at this point, but honestly there's a lot on my plate and sometimes I might not be able to write enough, so I'm probably going to update once every two weeks a lot. Writing that much is really hard!
> 
> My gf's drawing this time: https://inacron.tumblr.com/post/174737923241 (Mukuro petting a cat!!!)
> 
> This chapter has some pretty heavy stuff regarding violence. I considered giving it an M rating, but I don't think I went into enough detail for that. So... I don't think it was warranted. It was really hard to write all of this though. I say that a lot, but this time... wow.
> 
> Oh, as a side note: I feel awkward saying that two people are speaking English instead of Japanese (like in this chapter) in stories like these, since well... I'm writing all of this in English and a lot of jokes and dialogue plainly wouldn't work if it was Japanese, so telling you all just to assume they're all speaking in Japanese kind of falls flat. I'm still gonna tell you though! Just pretend it all makes sense. Even though it doesn't!
> 
> Side side note: This story is taking place during 2018. It might contradict with Danganronpa's timeline or something, but I don't care! My city now.

* * *

Kirigiri's question hangs in the air like a toxic cloud.

Sayaka swallows. She won't give up so easily. She has to argue Mukuro's case, or at least try to. "Who says that guy was telling the truth about anything? Maybe he just has a grudge against Mukuro and wants to get her into trouble too! It's possible, isn't it?"

"I don't doubt he has a grudge against her. She killed most of his comrades and is the reason he was put into prison." Kirigiri says with an air of sardonicism. "He had no good reason to lie about this. This was not an official interrogation, and he knew that. De Luca Pasquale is on death row for international terrorism. Nothing he could tell to anyone would change that at this point. His testimony wouldn't indict Ikusaba-san. In fact, he had been disinterested in talking to me until I mentioned I was only here to sate my own curiosity, rather than make some kind of deal."

"Then... maybe he assumed you're trying to build a case against her. Maybe he's just using you to bring Mukuro down with him!" Sayaka suggests. It makes sense, doesn't it? Since Mukuro destroyed Fenrir, that guy obviously hates her guts and wants her to go down. "Spite can be a powerful motivation."

"What do you think he lied about?" Kirigiri asks. "I haven't even said anything yet."

"W-Well..." Sayaka murmurs, flustered. "He might have exaggerated some of her actions during her time there... like making stuff up about her shooting innocent people! Or downplay just how much they've forced her to do what they said! Things like that!"

"It's possible. Won't you even entertain the possibility that he might have been telling the truth, though?" Kirigiri's eyes noticeably narrow. "When you asked me to gather information on Fenrir and Ultimate Despair, as well as research Ikusaba-san's connection with both, what did you think I would find? Videos? Photographs? All I really expected to find on Ikusaba-san was maybe some vague reports, if anything. Do you understand how lucky it is that we have an eyewitness? Someone who actually knew her, more or less?"

"I'm just saying we shouldn't blindly believe that guy." Sayaka defends herself.

"I haven't suggested anything of the sort. I personally think his statements were biased, although he never willfully lied either. You are free to have your doubts, Maizono-san. You should at least listen to the tape first though, shouldn't you?"

"Yeah... I guess I should." Sayaka concedes. She's being way too defensive and she hasn't even really heard anything yet. "Sorry, Kirigiri-san. I know you've put a lot of effort into this..."

"It's fine. Let's move on." Kirigiri says dismissively. "Whether De Luca was just trying to get Ikusaba-san into trouble or not is irrelevant, since I can't prove her guilt without actual evidence. There are reports of people who I heavily assume saw and even interacted with her, but they're either too vague or lacking in information. I've done extensive research and found nothing concrete, meaning that even if Ikusaba-san had committed every single crime I was told about, I wouldn't be able to put her into prison."

"Mukuro told me she hadn't known what kind of organization Fenrir was before joining it. If she had committed any of those crimes, it would've been because she had no choice!" Sayaka knows Mukuro wasn't lying to her about this. She just _knows_. "That's probably why she had to destroy Fenrir too, right? If she had just tried to escape, they would've tried to hunt her down or something! She had no choice!"

"I don't condemn Ikusaba-san for destroying Fenrir. She has saved countless of lives when she did, if only inadvertently. Maybe she did think she didn't have a choice but to do whatever they told her to do as well. However," Kirigiri almost seems to sigh the word, like this conversation is already exhausting her patience. "To what extent _did_ they force her? Do you know? And does that justify committing so many war crimes? Does that justify killing hundreds, possibly even thousands of people, including civilians? Even if she hadn't known what Fenrir was before joining, she had willfully joined an illegal military organization. She must have known she would kill people, and that it would go against the law."

"She was still just a child!" Sayaka argues, incensed. "How can you be so judgemental? You don't know about her situation back then and what she thought. Yes, she shouldn't have joined them in the first place, but you don't know what her reason was!"

"Do you?" Kirigiri asks, not remotely bothered by her outburst.

"... No," Sayaka admits, more subdued. "But I know she must've had a good reason."

"We can speculate all day, but that won't get us anywhere. Instead of arguing about Ikusaba-san's morality, let's just look at everything I've found on her, Fenrir, and Ultimate Despair."

Kirigiri walks towards the open suitcase on the table as she speaks. She sits down on the couch in front of it, takes out some files, then looks expectantly at Sayaka.

Although sitting down is something she's far too anxious to do comfortably right now, Sayaka suppresses those feelings and sits down next to Kirigiri. She reminds herself once again that she's the one who asked for this information. It's not like Kirigiri is forcing this on her.

"I suggest we talk about Fenrir first," Kirigiri says. Upon receiving a tentative nod from Sayaka, she arranges a few files on the table in front of them and continues. "Keep in mind that some of my information is either circumstantial or outright speculative. A lot of it comes from members of Fenrir who were captured and interrogated, both before and after its destruction."

"Like that guy you talked to?" Sayaka asks unnecessarily.

"Yes. Now, let's start with the beginning: Fenrir was founded in the late 90s, assumed to be 1999, by three people. Supposedly." Kirigiri points at one of the files, with a picture of a tall blond man on it. The look on his face uncomfortably reminds Sayaka of how Sonou looks at other people. "Lupin Jacques, a former officer in the French military." Her index finger moves down to the picture of a scowling woman with black hair. She looks about a decade older than the blond man. "Zherdev Ulyana, a former officer in the Ukrainian military." The third and last picture is an unassuming dark haired man who doesn't seem nearly as intimidating as the other two. "Ghassemi Ilia, a former officer in the Iranian military."

"What do you mean 'supposedly'? Is there no proof?" Sayaka asks. Yet what she's really in disbelief over is that Fenrir was founded only nineteen years ago. It just seems like such a... small amount of time. She was born only a year later. Mikan was born in the same year, even!

"Not enough to be absolutely sure." Kirgiri answers. "That said, there is clear evidence that these three were Fenrir's leadership at the time of its destruction. All of their corpses were identified at Fenrir's destroyed headquarters as well. From what De Luca has told me, it was very rare for all three leaders to be present in the same place at the same time. The person who killed them had obviously waited for this precise opportunity."

They both know it's Mukuro she means by 'the person'. Presumably, Kirigiri is trying to be tactful. "Well, sounds to me they got what they deserved." Sayaka mutters.

"They were responsible for the deaths of tens of thousands. Maybe even hundreds of thousands. The world is undoubtedly better off without them." Kirigiri agrees. "Let's continue. After Fenrir had been founded, they quickly made a name for themselves as a highly efficient mercenary group. In 1999, they established themselves by eradicating a group of Syrian rebels who had been threatening to seize control of the nation. In 2000, 2001, and 2002, they were hired by various nations from Western Asia and Eastern Africa for similiar purposes. Those regions, along with some parts of Central Africa, Central Asia, and Eastern Europe, were generally the areas they had been the most active in. At that time, they were almost exclusively hired by governments to assist their militaries in dealing with civil wars, revolutions, or rebellions."

Sayaka looks over the files Kirigiri has arranged in front of them while speaking. There is a lot of information: nations that Fenrir operated in, factions that hired them, estimations about how many of them partook in those operations and how many of their mercenaries died during them. There are also estimated death tolls regarding their enemies -- all of them much, _much_ higher than their own losses. And... civilian casualties. Some of those numbers are thankfully low, yet some others are staggeringly high. "They killed a lot of civilians." Sayaka feels sick. "Mukuro was really a part of that? She had to deal with those maniacs who were shooting people for fun all the time...?"

Even though Sayaka was quietly murmuring to herself, Kirigiri still answers. "It depends on the people who paid them. Some didn't want civilian casualties. Some insisted on them. Some didn't care. Collateral damage happened a lot and they undoubtedly employed people who were shooting civilians for fun, but they had that in common with most other militaries in the world. It would be inaccurate to classify Fenrir as a group of bloodthirsty maniacs."

Sayaka takes her eyes off the files and looks at Kirigiri. "Are you really defending them, Kirigiri-san?" She asks, more confused than angry. "They're not the same as normal soldiers. They killed people for money! Maybe that's not as bad as people who kill just because, but it's still bad!"

"There are a lot of soldiers who essentially kill for money as well. I suppose you're thinking of the ones who are patriotic and think they're serving their nation?" With some hesitation and uncertainty, Sayaka nods. "There is an argument to be had whether killing people out of misplaced loyalty is any better than killing people for money... but we're getting off-topic. I'm not here to argue about the morality of being a soldier." Kirigiri says that in a tone that suggests she doesn't think it's very moral.

"Well, I guess so. I still think those Fenrir guys are worse though." Sayaka mumbles, knowing she wouldn't be able to win an argument against Kirigiri. She tends to feel out of her depth when it comes to this kind of talk anyway. She's mostly saying all of this because Mukuro happens to be the Ultimate Soldier, not because she knows all that much about the profession. Then again, she can't see her being a soldier out of patriotism or anything like that. Hasn't Mukuro basically told her she thinks most soldiers are bad people, too?

"I'm not trying to defend Fenrir, Maizono-san. I'm simply stating facts." Kirigiri says. "From what I've found, it's obvious the leaders were trying to be as professional as possible. Mercenaries who had killed civilians during operations where no civilian casualties had been allowed were executed. Even when civilian casualties had been encouraged, excessive hedonism and unprofessional behavior were punished. They didn't prohibit war crimes in general, but they told their mercenaries to keep it to a minimum and out of sight."

"What, so randomly slaughtering civilians was allowed, but only a few and when no one was looking?" Sayaka asks in disbelief.

"Essentially. I doubt any of that was for moral reasons -- Fenrir merely wanted to make itself look respectable. It worked. They had a reputation for being highly professional and focused on the mission." Kirigiri takes some more files out of her suitcase and arranges them on the table. "Let's continue with Fenrir's history. Starting in 2003 and lasting until the day of its destruction, Fenrir was hired by governments, revolutionaries, and even terrorist groups to fight back against the U.S. military's so-called peacekeeping operations. Primarily in Western Asia and Eastern Africa. As a result of that, they were branded a terrorist group by the UN."

"Hold on." Sayaka interjects. "I've searched in the internet for hours, but no news outlet ever mentioned them. How come?"

"News outlets do mention them," Kirigiri replies. "Indirectly, not by name. With few details and most of the time only in conjunction with whatever military or group they were assisting at the time. That is because the UN was adamant about not _officially_ confirming Fenrir's existence. Of course, Fenrir deliberately marked its members with tattoos. They wore fairly distinctive uniforms too, for most part. That's why a lot of independent news sources were aware of their existence and did try to mention them with more details -- they just lacked those details for most part and didn't know the name of the organization."

"Why didn't they confirm Fenrir's existence?"

"So they wouldn't demoralize their troops, for one. Most of them did know there was an elite mercenary group fighting against them -- they just had no idea _how_ elite. There was a rumor going around that just one Fenrir mercenary was worth an entire company of soldiers. That's obviously ridiculous, but it goes to show how feared they were. Even the terrorist groups that hired Fenrir were wary of them."

"I see." Sayaka still can't quite believe Mukuro had really been a part of these people. Although... the way Mukuro fought Oogami and how brutal she seemed even while she was holding back... maybe the concept isn't that unbelievable after all.

"There is more to it than that, but let's move on."

For the next hour, Kirigiri and her files explain Fenrir's history and structure to Sayaka. She tries her best to absorb all of the information, though it feels very overwhelming at times. There is just so much... and most of it is terrible.

While she's mostly interested in Mukuro's time there though, Sayaka knows that to really understand the whole situation she needs to know as much about Fenrir as possible. Not only because she needs to know what to expect, but also because the organization had been a huge part of Mukuro's life. It might be integral to understanding her, as awful as the entire thing is.

She wonders if Mukuro had ever felt proud to be a part of them in spite of being forced to go along with all of it. Fenrir... with all of its high standards, high tech weapony and high reputation. Would it be okay if Mukuro had taken pride in all of that? To be proud of being so skilled, even when it had been at the expense of innocent people?

The few times they had spoken about Fenrir, Mukuro didn't seem proud though. Nor did she seem to have any other feelings on it. There was fondness when Mukuro was talking about her squadmates, but that didn't seem to reflect on the organization as a whole.

Sayaka supposes that's just something she has to ask Mukuro when they'll finally speak to each other. For now, she has to concentrate on what Kirigiri is telling her.

Outside of Fenrir, Kirigiri shows her some reports that mention Mukuro. Mostly by U.S. soldiers, though members of other UN states as well. They're all vague, but Sayaka is pretty sure all of them _are_ in fact talking about Mukuro. And... they're not very nice.

When she sees that one report where Mukuro had supposedly let a soldier go free and told him that either he would tell his superiors that 'Ultimate Despair' was going to kill them all or she would find him and skin him alive, Sayaka feels like she's going to throw up. She doesn't believe it, doesn't want to... but why would some random soldier tell a lie like that? He must have known his superiors would think he was crazy, yet he told them anyway. He must have been terrified, even though the threat seems like an empty one...

Once Kirigiri's suitcase is about three quarters devoid of files, an exhausted Sayaka winces when Mukuro and Ultimate Despair are mentioned together again.

"I have all the information written down and could tell you myself, but we're going to listen to the tape anyway." Kirigiri says, removing some of the files from the table, then takes the tape recorder and puts it in front of them. She taps and holds the 'fast-forward' button, presumably to skip the parts that didn't involve Mukuro. "De Luca and I are both talking in English on it though. I apologize for the late warning, but your grades in English are good. That's why I didn't bother asking before now, Maizono-san."

"It's fine, Kirigiri-san. I'm really popular in America and Europe, so I try hard to be as good at speaking English as I can." Sayaka answers. She's faintly aware that she kind of sounds like she's bragging, but it's just the truth. Not that she would care if it was perceived like that right now anyway.

"I see. Another warning: he will mention excessive violence. Mass slaughter of civilians and even children." With one of her gloved fingers hovering over the tape's 'play' button, Kirigiri looks at Sayaka. "Do you still want me to go on?"

Although there's a queasy feeling in her stomach, Sayaka nods. She needs to hear this.

Kirigiri taps the 'play' button.

 

-

 

 _"You've been very helpful so far, De Luca,"_ Kirigiri's slightly distorted voice says. _"Now I want to discuss the young Japanese girl. Arachne."_

 _"She's the part about Fenrir you're the most interested in, isn't she?"_ Another slightly distorted, much deeper voice asks.

_"Not your concern. When did she join the organization?"_

The deeper voice, De Luca, laughs. It's an ugly, rasping sound.  _"Not like I blame you. Anyone would be interested in Arac, huh? Fine, I'll tell you, but only because you asked nicely. It was around February 2015."_

 _"Are you certain? Arachne joined Fenrir in February 2015, then destroyed its headquarters in December 2017? After only being a member for two years and ten months, it's hard to believe she could accomplish such a thing."_ Even through the distortion, Kirigiri's voice sounds very skeptical to Sayaka. She can see why -- it does sound ridiculous.

 _"It wasn't just her. I told you that."_ De Luca argues.

_"So you have. Were you present when she joined?"_

_"No, I was on a mission. I was told about it later though. Arac and the others who joined were shipped to an outpost in Yemen first, for some bullshit security reasons. They trained her for half a year before sending her to our headquarters in Syria, where she got assigned to Skadi squad -- my squad."_

_"She was trained for only half a year? Are you telling me that after only six months, a fourteen year old managed to become one of the most deadliest mercenaries on the planet?"_ Kirigiri asks.

De Luca laughs again.  _"You're sounding like some of my old buddies did. Even in a world where some people are just inexplicably great at some things, it does sound really fucking ridiculous, doesn't it? But that's how it happened."_

_"What do you know about her training?"_

_"Not much. One of my buddies was stationed in that outpost though. He told me some stuff. Most people there didn't think much of Arac, at least at first. No one understood why she was even there. No one except for the higher ups really knew what happened during her training either, but she always came back from it looking like someone just beat her half to death. Not enough to put her training on hold, but enough to make her life a living hell."_ De Luca sounds faintly amused as he's telling Kirigiri that, and Sayaka feels a tinge of anger welling up inside of her. There is a sick satisfaction in knowing these monsters are mostly either dead or in prison for the rest of their miserable lives.

 _"Nothing else?"_ Kirigiri asks.

 _"Well, apparently people started taking her seriously when she beat her hand-to-hand combat instructor to death."_ The sick satisfaction Sayaka's been feeling is gone, replaced by just sickness.  _"Not long after that, they decided they trained her enough."_

_"You mentioned Arachne being a part of your squad. Did you know her well?"_

_"She was on my squad, but not on my team. I knew her better than most though, because I watched her a lot."_

_"Why?"_ Kirigiri almost sounds wary, asking that question.

 _"Same reason you're so interested in her, I guess!"_ De Luca fires back. _"Arac was basically a kid, and at the same time one of the best mercs I ever saw. Obviously I was intrigued. I wasn't interested in her in a creepy way, for fuck's sake."_

_"I see. What was she like?"_

De Luca snorts.  _"For someone so small, she had a gigantic stick up her ass. Frigid little bitch, that's for sure. In more ways than one. Didn't talk unless it was necessary, except when it came to her team. And even that took some time. Ignored them too for most part, at first. Very disciplined though. Followed orders to the letter. None of us liked that little creep, but we were always glad to have her with us."_

There is a noticeable pause before Kirigiri asks another question. _"Did Arachne do well on her first mission or were there complications?"_

 _"Do well?"_ De Luca laughs again.  _"She knocked it out of the ballpark. The others made bets at which point she was gonna piss or puke all over herself. That asshole Octavian won it all, since he said Arac wouldn't even freeze up for even one second. He was right. Hell, she didn't hesitate once even though the first mission she got was pretty fucking one-sided. Basically a massacre."_

_"What do you mean?"_

_"Well, our client was some crazy despot who wanted us to gun down the rebels to the last man even if they surrendered. Which some of them did. To set an example or something. And let me tell-"_

* * *

Sayaka taps the 'pause' button.

For a moment, she only sits there with closed eyes, trying to breathe evenly. "I'm sorry, Kirigiri-san. I just... I don't..." She trails off, unable to express how she feels right now. She swallows, and mutters: "I don't want to hear that..."

"I understand how you must feel, Maizono-san. However, I think you do need to listen to this. If you plan on talking to Ikusaba-san about her past, it will be advantageous to have all of this information." Kirigiri argues. Her expression seems to soften just a bit. "I've mentioned how I think De Luca was biased in some of his statements, haven't I? Perhaps Ikusaba-san hadn't been as ruthless as he claimed."

"... Yeah." Sayaka murmurs, her mind blank. She'll just have to shut off her emotions while listening to this. "Please continue."

Kirigiri taps the 'play' button.

* * *

_"-you, Arac didn't hesitate at all even when these guys surrendered. She gunned these poor saps down so ruthlessly that it even freaked some of us out. Not because it was anything new, but because it was fucking weird to see a kid doing that stuff. Like that shouldn't have been a thing that was happening, you know?"_

_"I suppose."_ Kirigiri says blandly.

 _"I think what stood out to me was after it was done."_ De Luca says in a low voice, one that almost sounds gleeful. _"When we went through the streets killing off the injured. Surkova, Arac's team leader, told her to stay behind and keep watch. It was pretty obvious Surkova was trying to... I guess she didn't want to expose Arac to outright executing helpless people crying out on the street?"_ He laughs.

 _"What's so funny?"_ Kirigiri's voice is utterly impassive, but it's _so_ impassive that Sayaka is sure Kirigiri must have felt utterly disgusted with this man, not unlike Sayaka feels herself right now.

 _"Well, Arac said: 'Understood' in that bored voice of hers and then on the way back to her post..."_ De Luca interrupts himself with a snicker.  _"She went to the nearest guy begging for his life in the mud and jammed her knife in his head. Then continued walking as if nothing happened. And believe me, she didn't do that to put the poor fucker out of his misery. It was fucking hysterical. That's when I knew what she was."_

There is a short delay again, before Kirigiri asks:  _"What?"_

 _"One of us."_  De Luca answers, strangely somber. _"She belonged with Fenrir. I don't know who the fuck brainwashed Arac into betraying us, but they must've been good. She may have been a frigid little bitch, but you could also tell she enjoyed all the thrill, the killing, and she liked her team too. She sure as hell didn't betray us for money. I doubt she gave a shit about money at all anyway."_

_"Maybe it was for neither the killing nor the money."_

_"What the fuck are you talking about?"_

_"Ultimate Despair,"_ Kirigiri says. " _Did you ever think she may have joined Fenrir to later destroy it on their orders from the inside?"_

De Luca scoffs. _"Bullshit. Arac didn't have any professional training before joining Fenrir. That's what the higher ups told us."_

_"Then when could they have gotten to her, to turn her to their side?"_

_"I have no fucking idea. She was left behind on two missions and got separated a few times during others. Maybe it was back then."_

_"Left behind? Elaborate."_

_"Well, one time she got separated from us because of an explosion. We assumed she was K.I.A. when we retreated, but she survived and fought her way back to us. It was hilarious, actually. She killed so many enemies on her way back that they started calling her 'demon child' in their native language. Some of our guys ran with it and started calling her that too. The other time was pretty similiar, but there were some minor differences."_

Apparently not very interested in that part, Kirigiri changes the subject. _"You mentioned Arachne spoke only to her team, for the most part? Did you know her teammates?"_

 _"Not all that well,"_ De Luca admits. _"But well enough. Surkova was a hardass bitch. Octavian was an arrogant asshole. Herzog was a creepy dumbass. I have no idea how the team even worked -- it looked totally dysfunctional. Somehow though, it was one of the best. Yeah, like I said, except for Herzog, her team were the only people Arac was ever talking to of her own volition. She was loyal to them, too. It wasn't a secret that she beat the people who insulted or made a weird comment to her more viciously during sparring sessions, but at one point the people who said racist and sexist shit to Octavian and Surkova suddenly got more bruises too."_ Despite everything else she feels, Sayaka can't help but think that sort of thing sounds exactly like the Mukuro she knows and loves.

 _"But then she killed them."_ Kirigiri's voice is hard and merciless, and the shallow warmth Sayaka feels disappears. _"That's what you have told me. You saw Arachne killing one of her teammates."_

_"Yeah, among others. That's why I said whoever convinced her to betray us must've been good."_

_"Do you believe she was ever loyal to Fenrir?"_

_"I doubt it. She liked the profession, but didn't give a shit about who she was fighting for. I mean, the only reason most of us were actually loyal to Fenrir was because they paid us well and everyone respected us. It was a merc group. Why would anyone be loyal to something like that for any other reason? Arac was loyal to her teammates though, like I said. I'm convinced she was, at least at some point."_

Kirigiri hums. _"She was loyal only towards two members though, correct?"_

 _"Yeah. Can't blame her though. No one liked Herzog."_ De Luca mutters in distaste.  _"He died a few months before HQ got destroyed. His and Arac's plane got shot down and they had to crash land into the Indian Ocean. Arac claims he was injured and a shark ate him. It's possible. I always thought she killed him herself though."_

 _"Do you think Ultimate Despair had gotten to her at that point?"_ Kirigiri asks.

De Luca snorts, seemingly amused. _"Maybe. She also might've just killed him because she wanted to. I wouldn't be surprised if I found out that she disliked him enough to do that. Or hell, maybe she did it to do Octavian a favor. Everyone knew he couldn't fucking stand Herzog."_

_"I see. Tell me more about the operations Arachne took part in."_

* * *

Sayaka continues to listen to the tape, a deep sense of dread enveloping her the more she hears. She often feels the urge to ask Kirigiri to stop, but forces the question down every single time. She has to listen to this. For... Mukuro.

Yet, the more she hears, the more her feelings of sympathy and deep sadness for Mukuro turn into something different. Despite wanting to believe the best of her, despite still wanting to believe those people had made her do all of this, despite knowing that this man she is listening to is a monster who wouldn't know what the real Mukuro is like...

Sayaka can't help but feel some amount of fear and even anger.

When she hears De Luca mention something about children, she leans forward slightly, her stomach clenching painfully.

* * *

_"-ironic, really. We weren't even supposed to kill any civilians this time, but the intel we got was off. We peppered the entire building with machinegun fire, and who was in there? Maybe half a dozen enemies and dozens of civilians trying to take shelter."_

_"Including children."_ Kirigiri says, as if to remind him.

 _"Yeah. Children."_  De Luca's tone is more subdued than before.  _"Not many people can gun down kids without any remorse. Can't say I didn't feel any. Someone even threw up and no one made fun of him. The fucked up part? Some of those kids were still alive. Surkova was suggesting we help them, but I think she knew there was nothing we could do. All we could do was put them out of their misery."_

It seems that even Kirigiri has to take a quick moment to collect herself, before asking: _"... Did Arachne take part in this?"_

_"Surkova was trying to tell her she didn't have to do that shit, but Arac? Like in her first mission, she jammed her knife into the nearest head-"_

* * *

Sayaka covers her face with her hands, her teeth grinding against each other as she tries to compose herself.

* * *

_"-without any hesitance. Hell, at first I thought maybe she just wanted to take them out of their misery as fast as possible and did feel shaken up inside, but you know what?"_

_"What?"_ Kirigiri asks, sounding very tired.

 _"After the mission, I went up to her. I guess I felt it was a pretty fucked up situation and wanted to see if she was doing alright."_  De Luca laughs, but this time it sounds utterly humorless. _"So I told her: 'Couldn't have been easy, killing those kids.' Arac said: 'It was.', and walked away."_

* * *

"Enough!" Sayaka shrieks, and frantically taps the 'pause' button. She stands up from the couch, unwilling to sit and be subjected to this any longer. "Mukuro isn't like that. She's sweet, and kind, and- and..."

"Maizono-san, please calm down."

Somehow, Kirigiri's voice sounds almost soothing. Slowly, Sayaka takes a few even breaths and sits down again. "Mukuro is not like that," she tells the other girl firmly. "She wouldn't be so... so cold-hearted. You haven't seen what she's like with her friends."

"Yes, I have." Kirigiri says, much to Sayaka's surprise. "I've seen Ikusaba-san protect Naegi-kun from Oowada-kun. I've noticed her telling off Celes-san and Togami-kun for taking advantage of his kindness. I don't doubt that she is a very good friend."

"Then you don't believe this stuff either?" Sayaka asks hopefully.

Kirigiri's eyes narrow. "I do believe it."

"How can you-"

" _Because_ ," Kirigiri says sharply, silencing Sayaka's tirade. "I understand those two things are not mutually exclusive. Ikusaba-san can be both a wonderful friend and murder children without a shred of remorse. There is no contradiction."

"What are you saying?! Only total psychopaths would be able to kill little kids like that! Those psychos can't feel genuine friendship or- or love!" Sayaka denies Kirigiri's words with all of her might. They just can't be true.

"I consider 'psychopath' to be a very outdated term, Maizono-san. I suspect Ikusaba-san has, among other things, a variation of antisocial personality disorder. I suspect she has an utter lack of empathy for anything that isn't her friends or her family."

"... I thought before Mukuro might be having some problems with empathy," Sayaka admits. "But that doesn't mean she'd go around killing little kids without any remorse. It's just... not like her."

"Maybe you don't know her as well as you think you do." Kirigiri suggests.

Sayaka bristles at that. "What's that supposed to mean?!"

"It means that maybe she has been deceiving you this entire time. People with antisocial personality disorders are notable for lies and manipulation."

"Mukuro isn't like that! She's _not_ a bad person! I know she's not!" Sayaka insists, close to shouting it at Kirigiri.

"Your thinking is too black-and-white, Maizono-san. Either way, I suggest we fast-forward to the part where De Luca and I talk about Ultimate Despair. Any objections?"

Sayaka glares at her, though soon it softens. Kirigiri is only trying to help her. "No objections..."

After that, it will be over at least.

* * *

 " _Let's talk about the day of Fenrir's destruction. What did you see?"_

 _"Not much,"_ De Luca grumbles. He doesn't seem happy with that topic, unsurprisingly.  _"It was all like usual at HQ. Then suddenly? Explosions. Both regular fire and gunfire. A lot of shit happened real fast. I got buried under some rubble, which was pretty fucking uncomfortable. Did probably spare my life though... and it gave me front row seats to Arac's betrayal too. Little bitch tried to pretend she didn't know what was going on, then gunned down two of our squadmates."_

_"Including her teammate, correct?"_

_"No, not yet. Surkova saw her gunning down the other two though. That's when she pulled out her sidearm, but Arac shot it out of her hand. They had a short talk. Didn't hear most of it, but I could make out that Octavian was dead too. Guess who killed him? And then I also heared when Surkova asked her why she was doing all this shit. And you know what the answer to that was? 'Despair. Ultimate Despair'. After that, Arac shot her in the face and left. Surprised she even bothered to say anything at all. Bitch."_

_"I've never seen any conclusive evidence that Ultimate Despair actually exists."_ Kirigiri says.  _"Have you seen anyone helping her during any of that?"_

 _"... No,"_ De Luca admits sourly. _"But w_ _hy else would she mention it? Why else would she have spelled the name out with blood and body parts during some of our operations? Why would she bother with that shit? To fuck with us for a laugh? That doesn't sound like the Arac I knew."_

Kirigiri remains skeptical, however. _"You didn't know her well enough to anticipate the betrayal either. Had anyone ever spotted her writing 'Ultimate Despair' anywhere?"_

 _"If anyone had, they would've reported her,"_ De Luca answers. _"The higher ups were pissed about that Ultimate Despair shit. They thought someone was trying to steal credit from us and wanted to make them pay. Again, why would Arac make that shit up?"_

_"I believe she wrote it. Doesn't it seem strange, though? The only thing that hints at Ultimate Despair's existence is one person's words. Have you never considered that perhaps Arachne might have had a mental breakdown due to her young age and merely deluded herself into thinking she was part of some other organization to justify destroying Fenrir? Perhaps out of remorse or guilt?"_

_"That's fucking ridiculous. Mental breakdown? You even listen at all? Arac was made for this shit. There was zero remorse or any other strong feelings."_

_"Just because you didn't notice it doesn't mean it wasn't there."_ Kirigiri argues.  _"If Ultimate Despair was a real organization, why has there been no sign of them outside of the battlefields Fenrir had been fighting in as well? How come those writings had only ever appeared when Arachne was present in the same operations? How come it has been a year since Ultimate Despair supposedly destroyed Fenrir and they haven't done anything at all since?_

 _"What are you getting at? That Arac just made that shit up for no reason? Why would she bother?"_ De Luca asks. There is no disbelief in his voice at this point, just confusion.

_"I think she made it up, but not without reason."_

_"Well, what was her reason?"_

_"I'm still trying to figure that out."_ Kirigiri sounds close to sighing.  _"Well, I believe my time here is up."_

 _"Pleasure talking to you."_ De Luca says sarcastically. " _Oh, one last thing."_

_"Yes?"_

_"I don't know why she attends that talent school thing, but you can bet your ass she isn't here just to learn."_

_"Excuse me? I have mentioned no such thing."_

De Luca's voice has an unbearably smug quality to it as he speaks. _"I may not have been able to keep up with any news in here, but I'm not stupid. You're barely an adult and you were allowed to talk to me? On your own? You have to be one of those super talented assholes. You're here because of Arac, who I now think is also one of those super talented assholes. You two are going to the same school, aren't you? Your talent is probably being a detective or something. You've been suspecting Arac and talked to me because of that. Am I right or what?"_

 _"Let's say you were,"_ Kirigiri says, admirably not at all sounding taken aback by the more or less correct analysis.  _"What do you think she would be planning?"_

_"Well, at this point I think there's two options. Either she works for a really dangerous, not to mention loony, terrorist group that she was somehow brainwashed into following or she's a complete fucking psycho who's into spreading 'despair' or whatever she was going on about back there. Just a fancy word for saying she's doing it for shits and giggles, I guess."_

_"I see. Well."_ There is a sound of shuffling, which is obviously Kirigiri getting up from her chair.  _"This was informative. Thank you for your time, De Luca."_

 _"It's a great quality to be obviously sarcastic while sounding nothing like it,"_ De Luca quips. " _Hey, lavender head? Do me a favor and take that psycho bitch down."_

Kirigiri doesn't give a response, and the recording ends.

 

-

 

There is a brief, uncomfortable silence.

Sayaka's mind is blank. Still, she forces herself to speak.

"I'm sorry for making you talk to that guy, Kirigiri-san," Sayaka mutters. "Are you sure you don't want any payment? All of this was a lot of work."

"It's like De Luca said, I had been suspicious of Ikusaba-san long before you made this request." Kirigiri replies. "In fact, I had been trying to talk to that man throughout this entire year and only succeeded because of you."

Sayaka tilts her head, confused. "What do you mean by that?"

"The headmaster had been strictly against this, even after I told him of my suspicions. I would have gone by myself, but even with my reputation the U.S. officials didn't want to allow me to talk to De Luca. The headmaster -- or should I say Hope's Peak Academy -- has a lot of connections. It was only possible through that." Kirigiri explains.

"What does that have to do with me though?"

"Right." Kirigiri almost sounds embarrassed. "Well, the headmaster is a very sentimental man. I don't want to get into detail, but I used your friendship with Ikusaba-san to finally get him to crack. I apologize if I went too far with that."

"It's okay," Sayaka assures her, though she doesn't feel very comfortable with that. "But next time I'd like if you asked me first..."

Kirigiri nods. "Noted."

There is another uncomfortable silence. Sayaka is the one who breaks it again.

"So... you really couldn't find anything else on Ultimate Despair?"

"No. At this point, I believe Ikusaba-san may have just made it up in her head. Sometimes people with antisocial personality disorder make up grandiose things like that and play pretend to feel important. This would just be a more... extreme example." Kirigiri says, understating the whole thing as usual. "A cruel, borderline deranged streak is not impossible either. Ikusaba-san has killed a lot of people."

"... I guess so." Sayaka swallows, not having the energy to argue. "Thank you for your help, Kirigiri-san. I think I'd like to be alone for a while..."

"Alright, Maizono-san." Kirigiri gets up from the couch, then ejects the tape out of the recorder and pockets it. Afterwards, she starts putting her files back into her suitcase. Sayaka helps her. When they're done, Kirigiri closes it and looks at her. "Before I go, I want to ask you about that favor I mentioned earlier."

"R-Right." Sayaka is unsure how to feel about this. It can't be anything good. She wishes Kirigiri would just leave.

"I want you to keep that tape recorder." Kirigiri says. Out of her pocket, she pulls a tape. "This is an unrecorded tape. Do you know how to use a tape recorder?"

"Yeah...?" Sayaka mutters. She doesn't understand where Kirigiri is going with this.

"Good." Kirigiri seems to hesitate for a moment, before saying: "I want you to hide that tape recorder and record your conversation with Ikusaba-san."

"... What?" Sayaka whispers the question. Then, the realization hits her. "What are you saying?! That's... that's a huge breach of trust! I can't do that to Mukuro!"

"Why not?" Kirigiri asks bluntly. "I'm not forcing you to give me the tape afterwards. If you still think Ikusaba-san has done no wrong after your conversation with her, feel free to destroy the tape. But in case you think she deserves to be brought to justice for her actions-"

"That's not the point!" Sayaka gets up from the couch, now eye to eye with Kirigiri. "Recording Mukuro without her knowledge... when she's telling me about her past... it's wrong!"

Kirigiri stares back at her, impassively. "Ikusaba-san has killed children," she says in a low voice. "She has killed civilians. She has assisted in destroying revolutionaries who were fighting back against their oppressive governments. She's a dangerous, murderous criminal. Even if you believe she had been forced into doing all of these things by Fenrir, won't you even consider the _possibility_ that she hadn't been?"

Sayaka flinches. She stares down at the floor. "I... I don't..."

"Is it possible?" Kirigiri asks sharply. "Tell me."

"It- it is, but that man, De Luca... it's like I said before, he could have just lied to you because of a grudge!" Sayaka argues in a heated tone, in spite of how ill she's feeling right now, trying her best to beat her doubts down. "Yes, yes! That's right! He figured out you were trying to take Mukuro down and who you were at the end, didn't he?! He could have just told you what he thought you wanted to hear!"

"If you really believe that, Maizono-san... why are you still looking at the floor?" Kirigiri asks.

Sayaka doesn't have an answer for that. Her lips quiver. "I... I just can't believe that- that... I can't do what you're asking me to do, Kirigiri-san! I can't hurt Mukuro like this... it's wrong..."

"So you consider Ikusaba-san's feelings more important than every person she has ever murdered and victimized? Recording her without her knowledge would be more 'wrong' than the atrocities she has committed? With all due respect, Maizono-san... but this? This is more important than your love affair."

Kirigiri's words are like a slap in the face. Sayaka opens her mouth uselessly, yet no words come forth. "I..." She chokes out, her eyes burning with tears. "I just... just- just..." The tears fall freely now. Sayaka sits back down on the couch and starts crying, slapping her hands over her face to silence her sobs and preserve the last shred of her dignity.

The only sounds in the room for the next minute are Sayaka's stiffled sobs. She tries to slowly regain her composure, but whenever she thinks the worst part is over, another image of Mukuro enters her mind and it continues. Bursting into tears like this is bad enough... with Kirigiri in the room as well though? It's beyond shameful for Sayaka to act like this, yet she can't help herself.

She's startled enough to stop for a moment when she feels a hand on her shoulder. Through the blurry vision, she makes out Kirigiri's face.

"Maizono-san... I'm sorry." Kirigiri says. "I shouldn't have been so harsh with you. Seeing as Ikusaba-san is such an important person to you, it's understandable you would be hesitant to betray her trust. However, I don't think my reasoning was wrong. I really must urge you to record your conversation with her." Sayaka says nothing in response. "Will you at least consider it?"

"... Okay." Sayaka croaks out, her voice still shaking. Even agreeing to that much makes her feel sick.

"Alright. That's all I can ask for. I should mention that such a recording wouldn't necessarily be enough to get her convicted on its own, but it would be a start." Kirigiri explains.

Sayaka is trying her best to listen, though it's hard. "I understand..." She whispers.

"It's late. I should probably leave you to your thoughts." Kirigiri hesitates for a moment. "Will you be alright, Maizono-san?"

"Yeah," Sayaka lies. Kirigiri leaving... being alone... it sounds very good right now. "Thanks for your efforts, Kirigiri-san. Have a good night." She says, maybe too hastily.

"Good night." Kirigiri mutters. She looks like she wants to say something else, but then merely turns around and leaves the room.

At last, Sayaka is alone. She sniffles. There are no more tears, which is good. She takes a deep breath, then exhales. If there's anything she excels in besides singing, it's putting on a mask over her misery. It's too bad she can't fool herself right now.

Is it really true?

Her Mukuro...

Her sweet, kind Mukuro...

Is she really a vicious, cold-hearted monster?

Sayaka doesn't want to believe it. She can't. Mukuro just _can't_ be like that.

_"I've killed people."_

But...

_"I coped just fine. I never questioned my orders once. I never cared."_

All this time...?

_"There are things... things if you knew... you would hate me..."_

Wasn't Mukuro...?

_"I don't regret anything."_

Trying to tell her...?

Wasn't Mukuro always trying to tell her exactly that? Didn't she reject Sayaka's excuses and justifications? Didn't she always look so _guilty_  after every time they'd stopped talking about it?

For a moment, Sayaka feels regret. For never listening to Mukuro, for never trying to understand her beyond what Sayaka was comfortable with, for making Mukuro feel so rejected and misunderstood. Surely, she must have felt like utter garbage whenever she was brushed aside with all those platitudes and that blind optimism.

But then... Sayaka thinks of what she heard on that tape and feels something different entirely.

Those innocent people. Those children.

Sayaka's belief in Mukuro... her doubts that Mukuro could ever do any of these things...

They disappear.

"You coward."

The voice sounds like it doesn't belong to her. It sounds hateful and full of revulsion. Yet, it does belong to her. Sayaka starts spitting out the words like acid.

"You could have just told me flat out all this time, but you never did. You could have just said you killed... that you killed... you... you _coward_."

Sayaka balls her fists, so hard that it feels like her fingernails are drawing blood. Kirigiri's and De Luca's voices fill her head, so much that it becomes impossible to imagine that sweet, kind Mukuro that she's gotten to know over all of these months in her head instead. The image of dead people, dead _children_ flashes through her mind.

"You... disgusting... rotten... monster..."

Through the tears gathering in her eyes once again, Sayaka looks at the tape recorder. Why was she so hesitant to use this? Because Mukuro _trusts_ her? Because Mukuro thinks they _love_ each other?

What a joke.

With venom in her voice, Sayaka whispers.

"I don't love you."

* * *

 


End file.
